Constantly arguing

Katie, you may feel that you both love each other, and you may not have fights like this often, but you said it yourself, you're both recovering addicts and you stop maturing at the age you started. You mention his age, but not yours. Not to bring you down or anything, but you really need to have a good look at yourself. Buying you a designer purse after an argument is a HUGE red flag. Abusers (not always physical abuse) have a tendency to try and buy your forgiveness. I really hope if nothing else you get into counseling. I have a sneaking suspicion he won't go. This sounds like a very one sided relationship and he is taking you for granted. FH and I fight at times but we never call each other names. It is not appropriate to have a neightbor come and wake you up.

Honestly it doesn't sound like he's mature enough to get married, that's not an adult way to argue. Calling someone names and then trying to buy their way out of their mistakes, not cool.

I don't think that it's as easy as - to be with him, or to not be with him. I mean I can imagine that you're in love with him and salvaging the relationship will more than likely be worth your time. It sounds as though you should talk with him.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but please, please, please, get counseling and seriously consider postponing your wedding date. Your story sounds far too familiar to me. I spent 16 years (9 of them married) with an emotional abuser that exhibited almost identical behavior to your fiancée. Trust me when I say that things are not just going to get better after the wedding stress is over. They will more than likely just continue to get worse. I know you have sent a lot of time and money on this wedding, and there are lots of family and friend expectations. That doesn't matter. You need to do what is right for you. And from what I am reading, this marriage doesn't seem like it is right.

Hi Katie - I know you said you are not making excuses, but you are. We are all outside observers who have no emotional connection with your relationship. Based on what you are telling us, it is very concerning. I am more concerned that you justify this behavior by saying, 'he loves me like crazy' and that you are not 'belittled often at all'. What we are trying to tell you is that is not part of a normal, healthy relationship. I am not going to go into details, but in my own personal experience, this behavior does not get better. The names get worse because he will have to cause more and more hurt to 'keep you in line'. On his end in concerned about his need to control.

I'm concerned about your comment "I'm not belittled or in danger very often" .. you should NEVER be belittled or endangered with your husband/fiance/partner/someone you love. Never in my life have I felt in danger with my FH. this honestly makes me a little scared for you and your little boy..

I think everyone is taking it a little too seriously. I said I was NEVER in danger. I tell my mom everything and she has been in a great relationship with my father for over 30 years. She loves my fiance and I told her about this fight and all she said was that we need to talk.. don't you think if this was going the wrong direction or if I was treated bad my own mother would tell me to run?? I would NEVER put my son in danger and is some of these comments are a little dramatic. Bobby is one of the nicest guys I know and would never hurt a fly! I think you guys should know people before basing how their marriage will be based off one fight geez. I'm not naive or stupid and can tell when some one is a bad person. My fiance is a great guy he said some things he didn't mean end of story

You hit the nail on the head when you said you thing about this is how it's going to be for the rest of your life, because it IS and it may get WORSE. You may not realize it, but he is emotionally abusing you. I would seriously consider some couples counseling.

I actually also just read your very last comment, and look honey....you are the one coming onto an internet forum asking for advise...so take it or move on.

"I'm not in danger or belittled often at all" (your words, i copy and pasted) we're seriously here to look out for you and make sure your safe. i'm sorry if you think our responses are a little harsh, but abuse of any kind (even if you don't view as such) is not something to take lightly, especially when there's a child involved. we really want you to be happy, but you need to evaluate your relationship and how he makes you feel when he says things like that to you, no matter how often or how intermittent the occurrences are.

^^ agreed. If you can't handle the advice rendered when you come asking, don't ask. You asked if what was going on between you two was normal. The consensus here appears that it isn't normal. Don't come back at us for simply telling you like it is.

I agree with the majority of commenters on here. Arguing is one thing, but him on your case for not doing enough in bed (!), and telling you he doesn't want to marry you is not normal or okay. If he has always been kind before this, it may be a sign of what's to come. Please don't get upset with us for being straight with you about this...you came here and shared, and we're just looking out for you. I hope for your sake that this really is a one time thing, but I don't think that it will be.

I'm sorry but your post is entitled "constantly arguing" and now you are claiming that it was just one fight and Bobby is otherwise this super-sweet, super-nice dude? Why would you say "constantly" if that were true? So he called the neighbor to wake you up because you slept through your alarm and called you a "fucking idiot" to the neighbor? That is not acceptable. He sounds angry and you should probably not be getting married without counseling. I don't care how much your mother believes his behavior is ok, it's not.

Hey Katie! I just wanted to say that I am also getting married in 8 weeks AND also planning my daughters 1st birthday...and pretty much doing it all myself on top of everything else in life. Your not alone girl I honestly am just going in with the mind set of no expectations so I'm not disappointed ....Good Luck! I'll be thinking about you!

I thought your avatar looked familiar. This is the second major post in 3 months that is concerning

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/ready-to-call-it-off/a8cfb61068176a9f.html

ETA it is also the second time that you have come on here, asked our opinions and argued with them.

Also, why do you do ALL of the work around the house and for your son while you work full time? What does he do to contribute at home? And he still calls you irresponsible? And complains that you don't do enough cleaning or in bed!? I hope you realize that none of this is normal or acceptable. You are not in a healthy, equal relationship with mutual respect.

I'm not saying I can't handle it I'm just saying some people are being a little dramatic and I probably was last night too. My son is not in danger and I will never allow him to be. We have a great relationship and I'm just saying you can't predict someone's marriage based off of one argument that's all. I appreciate the advice I just think some of its a little dramatic that's all

Hey, my fiancee and I argue like this occasionally. Its horrible and unhealthy but Lord knows it is not relationship ending for us. We both carry all our stress and are quick to push those trigger buttons. Sometimes I get so mad I do think of end of relationship type thoughts BUT I never go there. Communication is key, counseling is a great idea. But contrary to what others are saying, I don't think this is an abuse situation and I don't think its at the level others are hinting at. Yes, that can develop, like all of our relationships can develop that. But hang in there and remember - communication is key.

Katie what makes you thing that calling you names is normal? Is this something constant? My fiancé and I argue, never call each other names. Besides love and appreciation we have respect for each other.

Your relationship is "great" aside from the fact that he is controlling, doesn't do anything around the house and expects you to do everything, is angry, and calls you horrible names. Yes, you're right, that does sound great.

All - read the link to her prior post. This is a pattern of control

@OriginalKD, I thought this felt familiar, too. But then again, it's "just one argument" and we are all super dramatic.