Constantly arguing

@RosaLu - I know, we are all super dramatic, but OP was stressed enough in May to create a profile and vent online to internet strangers. That was her first post. She has commented a couple of other times, but really these are the two primary interactions. And on both posts red flags were raised.

Yeah in May so 3 months it's been since we had a major argument. Constantly arguing the past week or so with all the stress there's been a lot to do and name calling hasn't been a part of our arguing until this one. I didn't come on here for advice or to be told my marriage is wrong from people who don't even know us and to have my words picked apart and analyzed. I asked if other couples have been arguing a lot during their wedding planning. I think this is a little too exciting for some of you and that concerns me lol

What should be of more concern to you is that you are defending the horrible behavior of your fiancé and making excuses for him.

You came onto a forum asking if anyone else has been fighting. We responded saying that your situation is atypical.

Your Very.First.Post. was about how you wanted to call off the wedding because your FH said that he didn't care about the wedding planning and you were not spending enough time or attention on him. We told you there were red flags.

You say that it has only been 3 months since you have had a major argument. I can tell you, that is a red flag. This argument escalated with you FH saying he didn't want to marry you.

If you don't want our feedback, fine. But don't come around here for the sole purpose of venting about your FH and not expecting valid responses. BTW - nothing indicates at all that you have even talked to him about this situation. Why talk to us and not him if he is so super as you say?

If you want us to sugar coat it for you.

Yes everyone argues. Everyone calls each other names. Actually my fiancé wakes me up every morning by throwing a cold glass of water to my face.

The way someone argues it tells a lot about a person. Looks like you don't want to hear the truth, you come here for opinions and then you say that our opinions are no good, you did the same exact thing last time you asked for advice. If you don't want to hear what we have to say, why do you even waste our time?

You asked, and we gave you our answer. No, not many (if any) of the women on here are admittedly arguing with their fiancés that way, because it ISN'T normal. You're asking if this is normal, if anyone else is going through it, if anyone can relate. They can't, because, I repeat IT ISN'T NORMAL, or okay, or right, or healthy. It's awful. The second my husband ever said anything like that to me, a pair of fucking shoes would be the last thing I would want from him.

Fine, marry him. None of us know you or him, but your standards are low and I pity you.

Katie - I'm really concerned for you. It is NOT normal for him to call you names, put you down, or be controlling like that. It's obvious you don't like the feedback you are getting here, and you are defending his actions. You may think we are being harsh, but we are just being real. Things will only continue to escalate.

What he is doing isn't okay..I remember you from your post where you were ready to call off your wedding. Please, please seek counseling before the wedding. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and your son does not deserve to be in this type of a situation. I wish you the best.

Katie -- maybe the reason he gives you Michael Kors gifts is because they work. YOU -- not a bunch of excitable women on a wedding forum -- entitled your thread "Constantly Arguing". Now, after telling everyone (who didn't ask, by the way) that he criticizes your domestic and bedroom skills, gets the neighbor to wake you up, said he would regret marrying you, and believes you are petty when you want his mother to respect limits, you decide to say that you haven't had a major argument in three months. Which is it? It baffles me when women come here, spill this kind of dysfunction, and then tell everyone who is expressing true concern that this is all just "a little too exciting" for the commenters. That's just insulting. Nowhere -- not in a single sentence -- did I see someone who seemed to be having a good time with this. If you check other threads similar to this one, you'll see the ladies here treat this type of subject with sincerity and honesty. It's not their drama for the day.

You wrote, "I didn't come here for advice or to be told my marriage is wrong from people who don't even know us and to have my words picked apart and analyzed. I asked if other couples have been arguing a lot during their wedding planning." Well, if that were the case, there was no need to take up two posts to tell us all about the details of this fight (including the make-up gift) or that you were having trouble getting over this one. You would have simply asked, "Is it normal for couples to argue as the wedding gets closer?" What you did was invite conversation. Your question, as you worded it, makes it almost impossible to respond with a "yes" or "no".

Katie -- you're obviously at a place in which you're going to tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself (which is exactly what you were hoping you'd hear from us, but didn't). That's a mistake that's as old as time. However, do us a favor -- and I mean this sincerely -- when you've really had enough, come on back. We'll be a sounding board and offer as much help as we can. Until then, stay safe.

I second what Autumn D and Original KD and the other posters who have said this is not normal. When you think this behavior is okay/normal, it's probably hard to hear that it's abusive. That's like a woman saying he pushes me but that's ok b/c he never slaps or punches me...

Let us know how that all works out then. Next!

At first you guys were saying that we needed to talk and go to counseling. I agreed. I haven't had a conversation with him yet because I am at work. I got defensive when you guys made it sound like ibwas marrying a violent person and my son and I were in danger which is totally off the wall untrue. I've been with him for 3 years and your telling me that after the wedding all the sudden he's just gonna become worse and more abusive. How would you know something like this? I feel like I'm being called a liar and I only wish you could see our relationship behind closed doors because you would realize that what some of you are saying is absurd. So none of you or your spouses have ever said something hurtful when you were mad that you didn't mean? I don't think so. I agree that there should be a healthier way of communication and that will be discussed tonight. I came here to vent and ask if arguing was normal not to be told my marriage was gonna fail and have people that don't even know my fiance call him abusive. We will be just fine and if you think I'm lying that the last time we had a blow up fight was 3 months ago that's your problem. I have nothing to lie or to prove to people I don't know. How dare some of you say your worried for my child!!! I'm his mother and if he were in danger I would not stand for it. This has gone overboard and I just don't appreciate people telling me my marriage would not last and I think most of you would feel the same. We are generally a happy couple but this past week has been stressful and there's been bickering and it escalated because neither one of us addressed the issues as we should have. Thanks for the helpful advice I got from some of you I really appreciate it as for the major drama and judgement I will just pray that you find some empathy and calm down a little bit

And when we celebrate our 30 year anniversary I will laugh at this ridiculous forum. My fiance is an amazing person and I couldn't ask for anyone better. If the worst is that he says hurtful things when he's angry I'm glad because that can be helped. He feels horrible for what he did and that's how I know he will be more than willing to do counseling or whatever it takes so that this doesn't happen again. We've been in counseling before but got busy and stopped going but there will be an appointment mad this week. He really is a great guy I wish you guys could see him!

Here we go again. May all over again.

My DH and I have been together for 11 years and have had some CRAZY ass fights in that time, but he has NEVER called me horrible names like you describe.

Good luck Katie.

I'm not sure that one single person blatantly said your marriage was going to fail.. just saying

ETA: Also, we only have what you wrote in the post to base our opinions off of. maybe you should have added the fact that this doesn't typically happen and that he's traditionally very sweet from you. we're giving you our opinions based off of the information we were given (which, by the way, does sound borderline abusive, which you clearly don't agree with). It's kind of hard to hear later in comments from you that he's 'so sweet and the best thing i could ever ask for' when there was solely negative comments in the original post. it honestly sounds like you're just trying to retract and get people to agree with you

So you can choose to believe that's what he's like all the time if that makes you feel better ok? I'm sure all of you have skeletons in the closet and just because you haven't had to work on anger doesn't mean you haven't had to work on something before or do all of you have perfect relationships and husbands? Maybe yours drinks or watches too much porn or whatever it may be I don't care. Marriage is a sacred thing to me and if my fiance is willing to work on his anger than I will help him all the way through I never said his behavior was acceptable I don't know what's wrong with some of you other than the fact that drama is exciting to you. Take it somewhere else I choose positivism thank you!

Wow.

I have been with my FH 6 years. He has never called me a fuck*ng idiot, petty or told me he didn't want to marry me. We do argue and bicker and our life is FAR from perfect but those things your FH said are pretty harsh. If FH treated me that way he would be out on his ass, and he knows that.

I'll remind you that you put this information out there on a forum for people to read and comment on. You didn't paint him in a very good light...now you are back-peddling.

My grandma always says that you have to teach people how to treat you. If he gets away with treating you poorly and buying you expensive things to make it better, he learned he can buy his way out of his poor behavior.

I'm not sure why you are being rude to the people here. Good luck getting anyone to respond to your posts in the future.

Katie if you don't mind me asking, what's your nationality? Every cultural background is different.

Katie, I say this as the child of a marriage between two addicts (sometimes in recovery, often not) -- please get counseling for yourself. Not just substance abuse counseling, but counseling to continue boosting your self-esteem and moving forward for you and your son. None of us can make you see how you deserve to be treated if your sense of self-worth isn't there yet. I sincerely am happy for you that you've had three years of sobriety and are doing well in that sense. This is all a part of the journey and I'm just saying I hope that your positivity, as you mentioned, includes seeking resources to help you with your emotional well-being as well.