Constantly arguing

@Linda your story is so much different from mine but thanks for sharing. Generally our fights are "normal" but there has been a few where BOTH of us got out of control and said things we didn't mean. We had a talk tonight and agreed to make a counseling appointment Monday through our church. He seems to understand the way he talked to me was not acceptable. I was getting very frustrated with some of the comments because some of them made it seem as if my marriage would not work which I believe to be untrue and no one knows our relationshipb it ourselves and God. The reason he hasnt done much around the house lately participated in the planning is because he works 6 days a week as a laborer. He doesn't drop off or pick up Kagan from daycare because he has a pick up truck with no back seat. I told everyone this in the beginning to show how heavy my load is. Bobby does what he can like today he got the day off because of rain so he did 2 loads of laundry. Lately it's been very busy and stressful for both of us and neither one of us handles it well. He grew up in a house where he heard his mom and dad, who are now divorced, scream at each other. He knows it's wrong but I feel like he's picked up some bad habits from that. He told me tonight that he doesn't want to be like his father and have our son see what he did as a child so he's willing to do whatever it takes. He evenmade a huge payment to the photographer all on his own (yay!) I'm sorry if I got rude but I felt like I painted this horrible picture and when I tried to explain that there was more good than bad people thought I was just back peddling and lying as if I were a battered woman trying to cover her man. I just wanted everyone to know that this wasn't the norm for us and none of us are in danger we're just going through a tough time. Was he wrong? Yes. Does he need to work on his anger issues? Yes. I know in my heart he would never lay a hand on me. I'm not naive to any kind of abuse I was in a very toxic relationship before where every argument was like this and I was constantly belittled. I'm 26 years old and I am wise enough to know if my son and I were in danger to leave. That's not the case in our home. I would never marry a man who was constantly like this let alone bear a child with him. I would love to communicate with you guys more and I hope we can get past this and that some of you can understand that it's not as bad as I made it seem. This last fight was horrible but I'm constantly being complimented and given thanks. For some of you that might be hard to believe but I have nothing to hide from a bunch of strangers. Both of our families think we're the best thing for each other and we've overcame many struggles together. Generally we communicate and get along great but yes there has been a few fights that have gone to far. I know we can overcome this and that Bobby will work hard his anger to make this work. I told him I would not stand for it and it would be the thing that ruins us and I could see the sadness in his eyes tonight. I also got defensive when people were acting as if my son were in danger and I'm not the kind of mother who would ever let him be in that situation no matter how much I loved a man. Bobby is an amazing father and I know with a little bit of work he'll make an amazing husband. Again, I'm not wearing rose colored glasses here I know my fiances heart and he wasn't his usual loving self last night. I'm sorry if I made it seem the opposite and I'm sorry I got defensive. @botty you hit it spot on and thank you for your sound advice. I hope you ladies can understand and I hope to be able to share more positive posts along the way. My bridal shower is tomorrow and I would love to share how it goes with all of you if we can move past this misunderstanding. Sorry again and thanks for taking time out to read and give feedback!

Oh and the gifts thing is something he always does on Friday (payday) yes he went overboard but because he felt bad I don't think he thought it would make me forgive him. He loves buying me stuff (he really does spoil me) but usually it's something small. It's not like He buys me stuff after an argument as a peace offering. I come home every Friday to some kind of gift for Kagan and I. I think it makes him feel good to give gifts which isn't a bad thing lol. I promise I'm not making this stuff up ladies he really is a great guy! We just need to work on that anger!

Katie - in the future, it would be best to take a few days before posting any future rants on WW. This is for fairness to your FH and for us as well. The only context we have to go by is what you provide and it is very concerning and frustrating for us to hear one thing only to have it disputed a few minutes later. Please stick around, but be a little cautious to ensure that your message accurately depicts the situation.

I'm sorry for your troubles, Katie. Unfortunately, he won't change because you ask him to, tell him to, or plead with him to. Sadly, what you see is what you get. A person's true colors do not display during good times when all is well, a person's true colors come out when things get rough and when the world turns against him/her. The stress you are both under now is not unusual in a marriage---in life. In fact, it is ALWAYS something.

I have to say that I didn't read all the comments, but the first time my SO called me an unwashed idiot because I slept through an alarm would be the last time he called me anything. That is not a misunderstanding; that's an indicator of respect or lack thereof.

And I'm sorry, no one 'becomes' an amazing husband with a little work unless he realized how dire the situation is and is motivated internally.

People who love each other don't call each other names; they fight because they're trying to create the best situation for themselves and their family, and sometimes there are issues that you don't agree on. Sleeping through an alarm is not one of them.

I'm just going to give you what you want at this point.

Omg, that is so much going on!!!!!!!!! It's totally normal to fight before the wedding. With all that stress, its normal to say each other are morons, you don't want to marry them. It's just the stress talking. Honestly, its a sign of love that you're willing to work through it.

How to get through it is to just remember that he doesn't MEAN what he says, he's just stressed with all the planning you have to do. You got this!!!