Constantly arguing

I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings so she went behind my back and called my fiance to ask for my mom's number so she can tell her no because it's gonna be a hot day so she doesn't want hot food. It's turned into her party and everything she wants. My fiance always tell me I'm just petty when I get mad at her but she's constantly stepping on my toes and trying to control everything. Within the past week my fiance has told me I'm not doing enough around the house or in bed. I was at the hospital with him last night til 2 am because he had chest pain then he got mad because I didn't wake up to my alarm this morning so he called me irresponsible and then had the neighbor come over to wake me up and told her unwashed a fucking idiot. It turned into a huge fight with him calling me a ton of names and saying he doesn't want to marry me because he'll regret it the rest of his life. He apologized and bought me a Michael kors purse and shoes and expects me to just move on but I'm so hurt. I know we're both stressed but everything he said today just crossed the line especially because I'm my worst critic and never think I'm good enough at anything I do. I don't know how to get over this one and I'm wondering if it's normal for engaged couples to fight like this before the wedding. Sorry to be so Debbie downer but I need to vent

That's supposed to be I was not unwashed lol

Honestly the thing that concerns me the most about this whole situation is that he seems to think he can call you terrible names, and then just buy you things and all will be well again. If he's willing to throw it in your face that he'll regret marrying you, I think you need to sit down with him and have an extremely honest conversation about where you see your relationship going. I know that's such a hard thing to be considering, but that's I would do if I were in your shoes

I agree with Autumn. Its not okay for him to call you names and then expect all will be forgiven if he brings you a gift. Especially the comment about regretting marrying you for the rest of his life. I understand things can get heated sometimes during arguments, but the name calling and throwing statements about regretting getting married are not fighting fair. I think you both need to have a very real, very honest conversation about how you feel. He needs to know how hurt you are. Sorry you're going through all this!

My FH and I were fighting so much a month or so ago. It got really really bad. What actually helped us is our pre marriage counseling that we were required to go to by the Pastor who is marrying us. She really helped us to talk everything out and work through some issues we had. I honestly dont know what I would have done without her. I was under so much stress from working, and school, and the wedding, and family. It really was just beating me down to a bad place. Take a deep breathe and maybe talk it out with someone who who and be a mediator to keep you talk in a positive but honest direction.

All couples argue...or they should, it's healthy. You're different people with different thoughts, opinions, and personalities and your going to clash. My FH and I can have an argument that ends in us laughing, or we can go a day or a week and rub each other the wrong way. Tonight we argued and a half hour later I went into the family room and made a face at him, we laughed, it was over.

But you do need to watch the way in which you argue. Calling you names and making relationship threats is belittlement and controlling and is crossing the line. You need to be strong and tell him that the name calling is not going to fly. You need to tell him that if he doesn't want to marry you then you need to have a serious talk, otherwise, tell him to keep his fucking threats to himself or maybe it's you who will be second guessing this relationship. You're an adult, not a child. You're also not perfect and shit happens. You don't need wise ass or hurtful comments from the peanut gallery.

I pretty much said all of that but he doesn't like to be wrong. He always just wants to move on quickly and forget the whole thing. I know he's madly in love with me and I feel the same but all I can think about tonight is if this is how it's gonna be the rest of my life. Thank you ladies for the advice and I definitely think counseling is a must. Maybe I can get him to talk tomorrow but I think he just takes it as me attacking him. I know it'll get better but we can't argue like this.

I don't like that he calls you names. Does he always do that when you don't live up to his expectations? I ask this because my ex did this to me. It was very belittling and he honestly had me feeling like I would never be good enough. I would try to do everything then he would comment on something I missed around the house. I had the same thoughts...could I do this for the rest of my life. In the end after talking to him over and over on how I didn't like how he called me names and belittled me, after one fight too many I realized he would never change. And the answer was no I could not do this for the rest of my life. Calling you names is never okay. Threatening the relationship is not okay. Your suppose to married in a couple months, he should never say he will regret it. I am not saying you two should not get married, I am saying that you do not deserve to be treated that way. I like what MrsA2B said.

I'm sorry I don't understand the line about the neighbor, " had the neighbor come over to wake me up and told her unwashed a fucking idiot. " What does that mean?

Yes, every couple argues. That's absolutely normal and healthy. However, not every couple resorts to name calling. That crosses the line. Just as concerning is the division of work and life in your home. It would be for me, anyways. When I was working, fh either took the kids to daycare or picked them up from. As well, he'd cook dinner. I took care of packing lunches and snacks and such. I did do the lions share of the cleaning (mostly because fh is content with living in a mess and thinks I'm insane to expect to live in a clean house lol) but he did pitch in. You two are a team. This is a partnership! IF you are ok with the dynamics of your home, then, carry on. If you are not, do not expect them to change once you're married (my bf thought her dh would help out more after signing a piece of paper. Yeah, nope. Nothing changed. You can't just expect things to get better. That's no way to live! I get that you love each other. But for the sake of your sanity and your child's home life, get some counselling. Best of luck to you and your family.

Life's too short. This is the making of a train wreck. What he's said to you, then trying to bribe you, would be unforgivable to me. It's time to be honest with yourself, this shouldn't work for you.

Being madly in love doesn't mean you two are good for each other. Arguing during high stress times is normal. Calling you names, calling you names to your neighbor and threatening your relationship is not just arguing, it's abusive. I don't know you or your relationship aside from this post so I couldd be reading too much into it but I think pre-marital counseling couldn't hurt. I really hope it does get better for you. Your partner should support and uplift you, not belittle you and call you names.

That kind of name calling is so completely unacceptable... I mean, any name calling after the age of like 12 is unacceptable but to your partner, your fiancee, the mother of your child? Crossing the line is putting it mildly. How would you feel if your son spoke to his girlfriend the way your fiance spoke to you? What would you tell your (hypothetical) daughter if she told you her boyfriend treated her that way? I'm glad you're going to go for counseling but keep an eye on whether or not it brings about real change. It's easy to say one thing in therapy but the real answer will lie in what happens outside the therapist's office. Keep a close eye on how he treats you, you deserve to be treated with respect and love by your life partner, it's really the minimum.

Katie, you wrote, "I know it'll get better but we can't argue like this." Actually, and with all due respect, you don't know if it will get better. This particular episode may blow over, but the underlying issues will continue to break through until this is properly addressed.

I'm finding myself shocked that he brought the neighbor over to wake you up because you slept through an alarm. Are you saying that your neighbor was in your bedroom waking you up, and this was your FH's brilliant idea? Was he trying to humiliate you? Unwashed? I'm not even sure I know what that means, but I don't like the sound of it. I'm not trying to fan the flames, but that crossed a line that would have had me seeing red. Your bedroom...wow.

He knows how badly he hurt you. He didn't go to Payless and get you a pair of shoes and a purse. He went designer, and he put down some money for those gifts. Now, I love a good Michael Kors purse, but not if it's being given in exchange for my silence on a subject that doesn't just need to be talked about, it needs to carefully examined. Material goods do nothing to soothe emotional wounds.

You asked if it's normal for engaged couples to fight. Sure it is, but what you're fighting about is what you really want to look at. I can hear that you are overwhelmed with your day to day responsibilities. If I'm hearing it on an internet forum, he's hearing it in real life. He needs to pick up some of the slack. He also needs to realize that his allegiance is to you -- not his mother. Calling you petty and siding with his mother when she's crosses barriers that make you uncomfortable is wrong. Of course that makes you feel insecure. It also does nothing to encourage your relationship with his mother (you probably feel some measure of competition there). It's also important for him to remember that the two of you have a one year-old son. This is not the type of behavior he should be modeling for a little boy. At this stage of his life, your son will react by being frightened of the yelling, but as he gets older, he's going to hear and understand the words being exchanged. This really needs to be addressed. If he won't go to counseling with you, you should go alone. What you think and feel are important, and sometimes all you need is a safe, nonjudgmental environment to hear yourself expressing what it is you need. Best of luck.

Yes, couples argue. FH and I argue, sometimes about the dumbest things. But what you are describing is very different than typical couples' spats. The name calling/degradation, the leaving you to do all the household work and childrearing on your own, siding with his mother, getting neighbors involved...and then buying you gifts to "forget about it." I had a boyfriend when I was younger who would call me names, say hurtful and humiliating things to me in public, and then buy me presents. Eventually he started hurting me physically too. This is a slippery slope that is hard to see while you are on it. It's common for these behaviors to escalate even more after marriage, when your partner feels like he "owns" you. I would definitely recommend counseling (I have a feeling he would not agree to couples' counseling or counseling for himself) - but you should go on your own to sort out if this is the way you should tolerate being treated by someone who is supposed to be your life partner. I truly wish you all the best.

I usually never say this to women on here, but that isn't normal. You couldn't pay me to walk down the aisle to a man like that. I may not get new shoes and bags from my husband that often, but he's never said anything to me like that, ever. No matter how lazy I get, how much money I bring in (or don't), nothing. It's unacceptable and so terrible. I couldn't imagine words like that coming out of his mouth, ever.

As I started reading this, I was thinking that it was normal stress of a wedding getting to everyone. The more I read, the more I was shocked. Calling a neighbor to your bedroom? Really?

What also seems quite strange to me is that this behavior seems to have come out of the blue from the way it's written. Has he acted like this before?

If I were you, I would seriously be re-evaluating things right now. At least think about premarital counseling.

I'm not making excuses by any means but 95% of the time he's almost too nice with all the things he says. Seriously it's embarrassing in public lol. We're both recovering addict with 3 years sober. They say that you stop maturing at the age you started and he started at 13. I think when he gets mad (which isn't often) that's when I see that childlike behavior come out like saying hurtful things. If it was like this all the time I wouldn't be with him in the first place. I told him before I left for work this morning that we havet to talk and I will be telling him I won't stand for that behaviour especially because of our son and you better believe counseling is in order!!! Thanks ladies!

And this isn't even every time he gets mad it's been a very long time since he's said things like that. I think it was a lot of built up stress that he doesn't get out. I'm not in danger or belittled often at all. I would never leave him because of one argument especially when most of the time I get so much love from him

Flipped out on you, apologized by buying you things? red flags. Please see a therapist before the wedding.