Ceremony and no reception

Are you at least making it clear to your "guests" before the wedding that they will paying for their dinner?

I am confused. Your post title says that you are not doing a reception, yet you then state that you are doing food and cake at your place after the ceremony. That would be a reception.

You asked for opinions, so I shall give you mine. If I were invited to a "ceremony only" wedding, I would not attend.

.....

Interwebs were asked for other opinions. Interwebs delivered. Interwebs were rebuffed.

Well that was the weirdest thread I have ever read through on WW, and that is saying something.

My cousin didn't have a reception following the wedding ceremony. They did invite guests, about 30 close family members showed up. They got married in the dead of winter, and they didn't want a big wedding. A few months later in the summer, they had a picnic/cookout to celebrate and sent invitations to all the guests from the ceremony. On the invitation for the ceremony, they did note that a cookout would follow in the summer.

I didn't read this whole thread so I'm just going to give my thoughts: If you're having guests, you should do something following the ceremony. Whether it is right after, the next day, or a few months down the line. How many people are you planning on inviting to the ceremony? Keep it small and then take them out to eat somewhere.

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I will never in a million years regret spending the money I am. If I didn't want to spend 10K (or more) I wouldn't have invited people. If I wanted to "relax" I would elope. If you are hosting, whether a formal reception OR AT HOME its still a PARTY TO THANK THEM. So thank them properly.

You didn't want opinions, you wanted validation. People want opinions when they need help deciding something, therefore people telling you its rude not to properly host. It doesn't matter if you're having 5 people or 300... Your mind is made up so I'm assuming you wanted people to comment with similar ideas or praise you for "doing it your way, it's your day, do what you want to, etc!"

We all gave you opinions and you don't want to hear it, so your entire post is misleading.

So they’re coming for 5 minutes and going home? I feel like I’m missing something here...

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Stephanie, OP posted in "Etiquette and Advice" and is being advised on the etiquette of the situation. I would hope everyone here knows that the purpose of a wedding is to get married, but the purpose of this forum is "Etiquette and Advice."

OP: Would my family and friends come to my wedding without a reception because they love me? Probably. But I want to show them the same love in return by properly thanking them for coming: with food & drink. As anyone planning a wedding should know, healthy relationships have a balance of give and take. A guests travels to your wedding, they perhaps bring a gift, they spend their time celebrating with you, they are "giving" into the relationship and you are "taking" these things. After the ceremony you need to reciprocate with a reception or those guests will feel the unevenness of the relationship and be hurt. This is why not having a reception is rude.

I would probably keep it small (just the two of you) or immediate family.

It always amazes me when people post here asking for opinions and then get pissed when no one agrees with them.

To some extent, you realized having a ceremony and no hosted reception was rude, which is why you asked us in the first place. If you're literally only asking because you're curious about how others would respond, but have no intention of changing your original plan, then state that in your OP. It's really annoying to take time to comment on someone's post and then get criticized because the OP is unhappy with the opinion you offered.

I agree with @stephanie that the focal point of a wedding is to see the couple get married, but you also need to consider how rude you could be being by not hosting something for your guests after. Just a general statement.

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I could not agree more! It is almost comical: "I want a cash bar, a dollar dance and to self cater! What do you all think? Be honest!" Then when people say "Please don't do any of those things, they are all tacky and rude" the OP gets very defensive and attempts to backtrack or doubles down further!

OP wants people to show up for ceremony and then leave? That is odd and kinda rude.

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I have to tell you, that even if people are happy for you, they will still think you are RUDE. My niece did a really quickly put-together wedding, which I basically coordinated for her, and then we all went to dinner and everyone had to pay for their own dinner.

We all knew ahead of time that it would be that way, and we all thought it was super rude, but we went anyway because we wanted to watch them get married. Of course, no one told her that, but we all thought it.

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BAM, what @HufflePuffin said!

All of this discussion is moot. The OP IS having a reception. They are hosting their guests to food and beverages at their home following the ceremony. For some reason known only to her, she just refuses to call it a reception.

Congratulations! It's sometimes a game of etiquette semantics around here and I'm not sure I have a good vision of what you're talking about, but I imagine it's not a big ceremony in a big white dress with a train.
The big thing I heard is you're happy and your guests are clear on what they're getting into. Enjoy!

View Quoted Comment 100% agree with this.

Honestly.. if you have cake and food it's a reception . . It may not be as beautiful extravagant as some of the weddings but it is what it is .. not everybody can afford a lavish wedding .. ours is costing 25k .. and it hurts .. but we want to have the day memories .. it's my second wedding I had a quick small tiny restart t wedding it was nice but not my dream .. this time we are doing it different

As horrible as this is, I must say I am amazed and yet entertained at all these posts, that taunt, bully and harass others just because they want to do things THEIR WAY. This is an OPEN forum you all...and that should mean that EVERYONE is entitled to THEIR ideas, opinions and ways of doing things without being subjected to coercion and harassment about the way things should or shouldn't be done. Thanks for the entertainment, you all.

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You are so right! It is an OPEN forum. That's why people can give their opinion when someone posts publically asking for opinions. No one is suggesting she do things their way. We are suggesting she do things the polite way.