Cash bar

I am in So-Cal, and never been to a wedding without an open bar. I never realized how rude people thought cash bars were until coming to WW though. I don't see why people on wedding wire get so emotional when it comes to alcohol at a wedding. I never will. So please stop trying to convince me...

I'm from Southeastern CT and I've been to a mix of both. Out of 3 cash bar weddings, only one really bothered me, and that was because they pulled out all the stops in every single area of their wedding but they couldn't afford open bar. They also had some really weird setup where everything was free for awhile, and then only domestic beer and house wine was free, and then nothing was free. And this all happened during cocktail hour. And it was $6 for a Bud Light and $10 for well liquor. So frustrating.

ETA: For clarity and also to say that I'm having full premium open bar. It was basically #1 on my priority list. But I have never not attended a wedding just because they were having cash bar. I just think that if people ABSOLUTELY have to do it, try to find a venue where the drink prices for your guests aren't through the freaking roof.

I live in NJ and have also been to several weddings in Boston. I didn't know it was even possible to have a cash bar at a wedding until I joined ww.

It's for sure a social circle thing. I've been to cash bars, open bars, and dry weddings here in NJ. If I'm honest, I prefer a cash bar to a dry wedding. I like having the option of at least being able to have a glass of wine with dinner. I'm know I'm in the slim minority, but I've never felt poorly hosted at a dry or cash bar wedding. I only have attended weddings of close and personal friends/family so I usually know ahead of time. I never thought "ewww cash bar."

The last time I went to an upscale restaurant with a large group of people for a social event, drinks at the bar were around $9.00 (granted, it was in NYC -- but I'm going to a similar NYC event on Sunday, so I'll be sure to notice if the prices have changed). Using that number, and applying it to the number of drinks I'm likely to purchase over the course of a cocktail hour and a four/five hour reception, I'm going to be $27 lighter after ordering three drinks at the cash bar. My husband always accompanies me to weddings, so we can double that number and realize a total expense of $54 for both of us...to have a few drinks...at YOUR party. Why is that irritating? Well, aside from the fact that I'm likely to ask, on the following Wednesday, "Hey, Bob...I just checked the online banking. What the hell is Bartique Enterprises, and why are they debiting our account $54?" We'll figure it out (or, more accurately, I'll figure it out), but why should it even be a question?

Maybe it's irritating because there are a few hundreds nestled in the envelope we're leaving in your cute bird cage, mailbox, or antique suitcase sitting on the gift table...So yeah, dropping another $54 at your wedding for ANYTHING leaves me with a noticeable furrowed brow (especially if I have to seek out an ATM because it's cash only -- and what about tips? Am I actually supposed to leave a few more dollars in that big tip jar for your bartender?). Sure, I can skip the cash bar, but that leaves me with coffee and soda -- the equivalent of the "get your ass in gear" Monday morning beverage and the bubbly served at a six year old's birthday party. Cocktails are served at adult parties. That's life in these United States.

This is not judgmental -- it's just math...plain, simple, immutable math. I just don't understand the concept of displaying any form of refreshment or entertainment at a wedding that costs your guests a dime. Why not have them put quarters in the photobooth before they get to walk away with those fun, crazy snapshots of their group wearing oversized glasses or fake moustaches? Why not have them pay a cover charge to listen to the DJ and dance? Why is a bar any different? If you're going to feature something at your reception that falls under the categories of food/drink/entertainment, it's because you know -- or believe -- that your guests will like that feature and make use of it. Why on earth should those guests be expected to pay for something that will enhance YOUR party? I've yet to hear an answer that makes any sense. Bottom line? There are so many options besides full/top shelf/open. For some, the inferred "judgment" inherent in "cash bars represent poor hosting" is cringeworthy; for me, the only thing that rises to the level of cringeworthy is the image of my guests digging in their suit jackets or pretty evening bags to find credit cards or cash for the bar that I made sure was in plain sight, but I refuse to pay for.

Your wedding ceremony is all about you. Your wedding reception? That's about your guests, and if you aren't even willing to host your nearest and dearest with a lovely, soft open bar of fabulous wines and beer, then the guest list is just too damn big and the price tag is out of your budget (and everyone knows it -- the delusional refrains of "We had a cash bar and everyone said it was the best wedding they ever attended" will never negate the fact that plenty of your guests noticed the bloated, unaffordable guest list and the cash bar -- and they didn't like it. They seriously didn't like it. If you only knew what they were whispering about around the people who don't matter to them -- the vendors).

ETA: I added a few sentences...

@centerpiece all I can really respond to is yes, if you attend a wedding with cash bar you actually still have to tip your bartender. Open bar you still tip the bartender. Always always always you must tip your bartender

Sincerely,

A bartender

@centerpiece. Preach.

For all these months of planning and bullshit I am putting into this wedding, every single one of my guests better feel like royalty.

If you're wedding planning and not constantly thinking "will my guests think this is weird/annoying/ inconvenient, You're doing it wrong.

I'm good, littlebean1215, lol. As I said, I've been to one cash bar wedding, and the countless other family weddings I began attending way back in 1974 have all been top shelf/open. Each time my husband orders our drinks (chivalry is not dead, lol), he tips generously. However, what about tip jars? I've heard from other pros that tip jars on the bar at weddings are not cool. What say you? I'd like an opinion from the other side of the bar. Thanks.

Obvious tip jars at weddings are crass. Guests at just about every wedding I have ever gone to know to tip the bartender. The bucks go ont he bar, they get swept away.

But having a giant bowl on the bar? No.

@centerpiece I would NEVER use anything with the word "tips" written on it. I have forgotten to put out the tip flower vase (lol) several times at my restaurant and people have always still left money or asked where the tips go. I could definitely see how it would be considered tacky to have a jar. I think forgoing one would be just fine, most people know to tip regardless

If they think no jar = no tip then they probably weren't going to leave very much anyways! Lol

The majority of weddings I've been to have been open bar in some capacity... Even if it's just beer and wine, or beer and wine and signature cocktails.

So now I have a question for you all on this...

We are having an open bar with wine, beer, and 2 signature cocktails. The price difference at our venue for this vs full bar is HUGE. However, now my FH wants to add on a cash bar option so that people can get other drinks if they really want to. I don't want to do this, but he's pretty set on the idea. What are your thoughts on this? Would it be tacky to add on a cash bar option to an open bar with wine, beer, and 2 signature cocktails? Should I put my foot down and say the bar we have is plenty??

Littlebean, I'm sorry but you're wrong. It is up to the HOSTS to tip service staff, including bartenders, after the wedding. It not up to wedding guests to tip at all. So no, "always you must tip your bartender" is not true. Guests should never have to open their wallets at an event hosted by someone else. If they choose to tip that entirely up to them, but it is never a "must".

Also, it's pretty self-serving for a bartender to come on here and lecture everyone about tipping bartenders!

Emily? The guest will almost always tip the BT. The host should too, but the guests, at every wedding I have ever been to, throw a couple of bucks on the bar.

Thanks, littlebean and Celia. I know I often say that my family members always host full/top shelf/open, and they do (next wedding is coming up in seven months, and I can't wait. Damn, our family knows how to host a fabulous party, lol). However, there was one family wedding -- a few years back -- that I attended that had a rather large, TIPS jar displayed on the bar -- again, full/top shelf/open). That seemed unusual to me, and when I mentioned it on the pro boards, I learned that it was an etiquette failure to put a TIPS jar in sight of the guests. It seemed odd when I saw the jar, but my husband went with the flow -- he threw a five in the jar. We are an Irish-American family (liquor is a part of our celebrations), but prior to that event, it was always a "tip the bartender" deal. I design floral arrangements, so I wondered if David Tutera might have announced that things had changed. Apparently not, lol.

I'm from just outside of Boston and have only been to one cash bar. Almost every wedding has been open bar or supplied beer and wine. People today just never have cash on them so it can be an inconvenience!

Celia? They do not HAVE to. Littlebean is saying they "must". No, it is not a must. As I said in my post, if they choose to that is fine. I have seen some people tip, and some not, which is perfectly fine. Guests do not have to open their wallets.

It's a social circle thing more than a regional thing. I am from CT and have long understood the deal with the wedding is the open bar. I've never heard of or experienced any other alternatives

FH grew up a lot more blue collar than I did. When we first started talking planning he bounced around between cash bar (er. no) and BYOB (NO).

I am from the Chicago are and have never gone to a wedding without an open bar

I'm from MA and most of the weddings I've gone to (and worked) have been primarily cash bar. Sometimes there's an open bar for the first hour.

I've only been to 1 with a open bar. I think cash bars are quite rude, and would never do it! Blah!