Cash bar

Alexandra are we really LITERALLY beating a dead horse? Really? Because that's awful.

Can't go to Cheapville. No wine there.

@ Alexandra -

I've been struggling with the same thing. Open bars are extremely expensive and I've NEVER been a fan of watching people get totally wasted at weddings. I also have many family members with drinking problems and I do not feel that it is right for me to feed their addiction for free.

I will probably end up doing an hour or two of open bar, then switching to beer and wine, and cash bar for cocktails.

My feeling is that a wedding is about the bride and groom, NOT alcohol. Yes, I want my guests to be entertained and yes, I want to be a good host, but in the end the people that have made it are there to celebrate our marriage and if they get upset about having to pay for a cocktail then they shouldn't have been there anyway.

I'm starting to learn that you have to do what feels right to you. And if your guests get offended by it then you should question how much you really mean to them.

I want people to remember my wedding, not wake up the next morning wondering what the hell happened the night before.

@Kaitlyn

I'm astounded by $400 in alcohol for 95 people.

We're having 5 guests at our wedding and I'm expecting the 7 of us will likely drink at least that amount worth of alcohol at the dinner reception.

Kaitlyn - Having an open bar DOES NOT mean people are going to get wasted. I hate when people use "I'm don't want people getting drunk/wasted", and " I have some friends/family that have drinking problems" as an excuse to not have an open bar or not provide alcohol.

I had one person drunk at my wedding. He wasn't obnoxious or did anything inappropriate, all he did was dance and have a great time. Oh and I also had a few guests that have had drinking problems in the past and no one was "tempted" to get shit faced. Hell, my husband doesn't drink anymore and he was the first one to make sure our guests were properly taken care of.

Lauren B, I'm jealous at your alcohol cost. Our cocktail hour was more than that. Stupid taxes...

$400 would have covered ONLY the wine we put on our tables, LOL... I really think those in the USA that complain about cost, or whatever should really stop complaining.

I went to a wedding that had a cash bar, we ended up leaving early.

Kaitlyn, did you just read the original post and then immediately reply without reading what everyone has said? Let me recap for you. You can do whatever you want. But what you are planning is tacky and rude. Period. Do it if you want, but there is no sense in trying to justify your decision. You are not properly hosting your guests. The end.

I forgot to add that we only did beer, wine and champagne so that had a lot to do with our price

@Kaitlyn; exactly how many wedding have you personally attended where people got totally wasted?

If it's a lot? Maybe you need adult friends. Because most adults don't do that.

Do cash bar "hosts" consider that some guests spent money they didn't have on missed work, travel, lodging, attire and a gift to celebrate your marriage? That they cannot afford to buy a glass of wine after all that? That they will be embarrassed and uncomfortable about that when their friends & family are begrudgingly opening their wallets and they cannot? I went to about 15 weddings when I was in law school & had zero disposable income. I couldn't afford it but I cared about the brides & grooms. ONE, my cousin's, had a cash bar. After I spent $1k to travel to rural Wisconsin, I didn't have $5 to buy a glass of wine. In addition to having to the unpleasant prospect of sober dancing in a motel ballroom, I was faced with the whole family thinking I was pregnant or figuring out I was destitute. I remember feeling the bride didn't give a crap about her guests or how far we'd travelled to celebrate her. I wished I'd stayed home. Why would you want your guests to feel that way? Thank goodness an uncle went to the hotel bar & bought a case of wine for us. And 8 years later, the whole family still talks about that cousin & her crappy "hosting." And we don't remember any other detail about her party, or what she did spend her budget on.

Apparently in Alberta there are more hospitalizations from excessive drinking than other parts of the country... LOL. So if you're getting new friends, maybe don't add the Albertans...

I'm not going to lie, majority of the weddings I've been to have been cash bars. It honestly doesn't bother me because I would rather pay for a drink than have no drink at all. What annoys me is people who say they're not having an open bar or no alcohol at all because they feel people won't behave themselves when they drink.

We are doing a hosted "California bar". Which consists of beer, wine, champagne and all non alcoholic beverages. Our all inclusive venue added it to our package for $800, which breaks down to $10 per person to drink all night and have fun. Considering everything that were paying for already, $800 seems incredibly reasonable to ensure my guests have a wonderful, memorable night. I know I, myself will be enjoying the hosted bar too! Lol. Good luck to you.

I have been to one... let me repeat ONE wedding (of many) that was Open Bar. and I AM OK WITH THAT

1. I have not talked about any of those wedding where I hadto buy alcohol.

I do not expect to have everything handed to me. If i want to be there to celebrate with them and they're serving me dinner perfect, I don't think it should be MANDATORY that they also pay for my drinks... if you're there to get drunk you pay.. if you're there to celebrate your friends/family marriage... drink water..or juice.. or pop and get over it. Have free wine on the tables for dinner.. maybe have 2 free drinks or a cap dollar amount and let people know that so they are aware,

2. I would rather be able to invite the people I want and not cut the list so i could serve less people free alcohol. If anything is rude its having to explain to a friend they can't come because "the rest of my guests NEED their alcohol and they NEED it to be free!" sorry...

To OP... I say do what you want... none of these people here will be at your wedding... so it doesn't matter. If your family/friends are OK with paying great... if they're "going to talk about your wedding for years and not in a good way" because they had to buy a drink... I think you seriously need to reconsider who you are associating yourself with.

Faye, OG Ruth, I have never been to an open bar, but in the USA from my understanding it is not common practice to have cash bars, and so you should make an attempt to say within social norms.

Co Bride- I think you have the best example as to why hosting a bar is such a crucial part of your wedding.

I am young, and just recently began to attend weddings.. The first wedding I went to was an open bar all night. The second wedding I have been to was FH's cousins wedding. They had a cash bar all night long. Can I tell you after driving 2 hours in rush hour traffic I was dying for a drink anything. We walked up to the bar during cocktail and FH ordered a coke.... and we had to pay for a soda?? really? Not only just alcohol but have a cash bar guests have to pay for anything they want to drink unless it's water.

Well, good to see this old debate is still going on. Providing the opportunity for your guests to open their wallet for ANYTHING at your wedding is bad hosting and rude. Sorry. I know a lot of people don't like to hear that. Technically, a dry wedding is not against etiquette, but it will sometimes mean you will have a very different wedding than one with a bar. If you're okay with that, then that's fine. I know several brides from here who had perfectly hosted, lovely, dry weddings.

Things that are rude, however, include:

Cash bars

Switching from open to cash bar at any point in the evening

Drink tickets. Drink tickets are the actual worst.

FWIW, we brought in our own alcohol. Wine was gifted by a cousin who works for a wine supplier. We spent about $1200 on beer and liquor for approximately 200 people. It wasn't top shelf but it was decent. And everyone got freaking wasted on my dime and I loved it.

Ugh. Now I want a beer.