Cake&Punch AND a registry?

I don't think it's an issue. Perhaps I wouldn't register extravagant gifts but I don't see a problem. I would always gift anyways but I'm a lazy mofo nowadays so I just give money.

OP, I certainly think you are on the right track & your wedding will be lovely : )

That said, as a guest invited to such an event...I certainly would gift & would appreciate a registry to go by.

BTW...I do not gift dependent on the type of reception hosted. I would gift as usual...regardless if it was a cake/punch type wedding. Perhaps, knowing the couple/where they are coming from...I'd gift more!

My grandmother said cake and punch receptions were common in the 1930s-1959s around here - northeast US. When my Mom remembers going to weddings (her family stopped inviting kids, in the late 1960s), the receptions were cold buffets in the church hall with desserts. (Deli platters of lunchmeat/cheese/rolls, potato salad, etc.)

Around here we usually do a cover your plate estimate, because weddings run$125-$225 a head. However, hubby and I give a minimum of $100, for the two of us.

It is a day to celebrate your love and union, not how much money you can spend!! Do it you way AND have a registry. People are foing to want to get you a gift to celebrate your marriage NOT your choice of venue and having a registry will make it easier for them, they will appreciate it! Congrats!!

I give gifts based on how close I am to the couple, how much I know they need items, and how much extra money I have to spend at the time.

The niceness of venue or amount of food does not compromise my heart to give.

Register away!! Nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception and your closest friends and family will still want to shower you with gifts.

Not tacky, just make sure you have it at an awkward time like the ceremony at 1 and then the reception at 2. I'm more than okay with cake at 2pm, but if it's like 12, 1, or anytime after 5 I'm going to want a real meal. Put on the invite cake and punch to follow and call it a day. Then make a small registry with whatever you all want, like that gadget wall at BBB, everything is under 10 bucks and I wanted like everything because why would I want a knife and spoon when I can have a separate avocado tool!

I did not know that the reception controlled the gift. My gift is based on my closeness to the couple. Register and definitely keep the price range broad. Congrats!!

I think you should have a registry. I wouldn't care what kind of reception you had as long as it was properly hosted.

Yes, you should register. People guy gifts because you are getting married not because of how much you are spending. "covering your plate" isn't even proper etiquette. I've noticed it's only done by certain social circles. Honestly isn't a little gauche and backwards to me...

The amount of entitlement always amazes me from those people who give based on how much free food and liquor they were supplied. Honestly, to me, that's what is tacky as hell. I give from the heart and based on how close I am to the couple. I would never lessen my gift because someone wasn't in a financial position to host a lavish reception. I have even seen people on WW go as far as saying they take money out of the couple's card or totally take the card back when they find out the event isn't hosted to their standard. Beyond ridiculous. I don't call people with that spirit "friends" either.

As someone who gifts depending on the reception, let me clarify something. The gift is the gift regardless of whether or not the couple even has a reception or not. But it is customary in our circle to "cover our plate" IN ADDITION to the gift. So for example, if our gift is $100 and the couple has a cake/punch reception, we might give $50 extra for a total of $150. If it's a sit down dinner reception we might give $150 extra for a total of $250. It's just the way we do it.

Registry is fine in my opinion.

@Melissa, no we don't subtract if the food is not to our liking. You can get a rough idea what the plate costs by the venue and formality of the event. Again, the is in addition to our gift, so I'm not sure why it's an issue.

No it's not tacky. It sounds like you has ever the timing right do it is not during meal time, I think you're good!

@MelissaHH for the win. Nailed it. Classist is the perfect word to describe these folks sense of entitlement

I think cake and punch at a non meal time and having a registry is fine. However, I would be careful with your OOT invites. I wouldn't invite anyone that has to buy a plane ticket to get there unless they're your very close friend. I would pay to fly for one of siblings weddings or my MOH's wedding and be happy with only being fed cake and punch but if I paid to fly to a not as close friend's wedding and only had cake and punch, I would be kind of mad at the money I spent. But if you put it clearly on the invite, I suppose they could make the decision to fly or not fly in. But for your question about still having a registry, I wouldn't side eye it.

I'm sure the couples that receive our gifts don't mind that we added extra to help offset their costs. I also never said that anyone had to do it this way, just explaining why my gift differs based on venue.

If you do a cake and punch reception please do not have it around a meal time and have it listed on the invitation. I think it is fine to make a registry but please don't put registry info on your invitations. My question, if your date is correct and you are getting married in 2019 than you should have two years to save up for the wedding, would it be possible that in the 2 years you have until your big day that you could save up enough money to provide a meal?

Best of luck to you!

I gift a standard amount and that amount will increase based on relationship. If you were a close friend throwing a cake and punch reception your gift would not differ from a close friend that had a reception at a venue. All I ask is to be properly hosted, and cake and punch is a properly hosted event