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Devoted September 2018

Bridesmaid backed out 1 month before wedding....

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Kelly , on July 22, 2018 at 10:29 AM

So, I need to vent. One of my bridesmaids told me that her and her boyfriend (who was also a groomsmen) can't be in the wedding anymore due to money issues. I am really understanding of that...however, she already bought her dress! The only thing left to pay for was the suit rental. I'm so confused and quite frankly pissed off because 1. She was in all my bridesmaid photos at my bridal shower 2. I wasted money on a bridesmaid proposal gift and 3. She was the one who was upset about not being asked originally! Not to mention, I asked her in April. So, plenty of time to save money there, right?

I should probably add other ways this has effected my fiance and I. Now he can't get his free tux rental because he had to have 5 groomsmen. Now he has 4. And now I may have to change my rehearsal dinner spot (good luck to me) because we had to have a minimum number of guests. Which now we are 2 short, and the rehearsal dinner is a Thursday night so finding replacements is not going to be so simple. I haven't really spoken to her much since, but I really have no desire to. I guess this also means I'm not getting a wedding gift lol. If they even show up.

Ughhhh!!! Just needed to vent. Has this ever happened to anyone or am I just so unlucky???

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120 Comments

Dedicated August 2018
Jennifer · on July 22, 2018 at 12:21 PM
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I've been there before. *this ain't my first rodeo, this is marriage 3 for me and my second time on here* and while there's a bunch of not understanding people, there are some good people. I have met a few ladies here that I am still in contact with on Facebook. So chin up buttercup. Us 'heartless' girls gotta stick together!
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Expert August 2018
Heather · on July 22, 2018 at 1:00 PM
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"I guess this also means I'm not getting a wedding gift lol. If they even show up"

Your post is more about money or what you are missing out of than the fact one of your closest friends is having financial struggles.
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:02 PM
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We've established that.
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Expert August 2018
Heather · on July 22, 2018 at 1:10 PM
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Reading through the comments it just gets worse. You are more concerned that your friend doesn't think you are worth spending the money, when your friend can literally be choosing between paying the electric bill or having food to eat!
You are way out of line here. I'm legit mad for your "friend" in this situation.
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Beginner August 2018
Hailey · on July 22, 2018 at 1:18 PM
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Girl!! I feel you on this, and I don’t think you’re being rude or selfish at all. People don’t realize how many things need to be changed or altered just because someone decides to back out of the wedding a month before it’s all supposed to happen. And why would they still come to the wedding if they both decided to not be part of the bridal party and stand next to you both... that seems weird to me!!! But hoping everything goes smoothly for you girl, so sorry this is happening!
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 22, 2018 at 1:18 PM
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I'll excuse you for making accusations. I didn't say squat about your relationship I said you were having a WEDDING for the wrong reason if your first priority was gifts. You can get married without having the big wedding. I'll also excuse you for sticking your foot in your mouth and saying gifts were on my mind when I thought of my wedding, because guess was sweetheart? I eloped with no guests. So, I'm a liar? I was totally thinking about all of the gifts I was going to get from my ZERO GUESTS! LOL!! When I planned my wedding my mind was on "How can my FH and I have a wedding that is personal and meaningful for us?" And that's what we did. With no guests and no gifts. So, apology accepted for you making assumptions about my level of greed.
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VIP November 2018
starsinwaves · on July 22, 2018 at 1:24 PM
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One of my bridesmaids had to drop out months ago after she found out she was pregnant and due right around my wedding.
At no point in the five or so months since that happened have I worried that this meant she might not get me a wedding gift. I've thought about how she won't be there celebrating with me, won't be getting ready with us in the morning, won't be in our pictures, and won't be at my bachelorette party or rehearsal dinner. I'm just genuinely sad that she won't be there.
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:28 PM
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Oh, I didn't apologize, so don't worry about "excusing" me, "sweetheart."
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 22, 2018 at 1:29 PM
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Tell me more about how much I was thinking of gifts when I planned my wedding though. I'd love to hear it!
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:30 PM
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Thank you!!! It is a headache.
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:32 PM
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Not everyone does, but I do, along with many other brides. Hint the whole concept of a wedding registry. That is obviously not the whole reason why I am having a wedding.
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 22, 2018 at 1:33 PM
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You called me a liar. I feel like you need to back that up.
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Expert August 2018
Heather · on July 22, 2018 at 1:33 PM
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She's getting mad about someone making assumptions about her life, yet she's here screaming assumptions about her so called friend 😂 I can't even!!
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:33 PM
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Never said it was, please read all comments before posting.
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:35 PM
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And you told me I'm having a wedding for the wrong reasons!!!
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Super June 2018
OG Gretchen · on July 22, 2018 at 1:37 PM
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"If getting gifts is the thought in the forefront of your mind, then you are having a wedding for the wrong reason."

Please note the "If getting gifts is the thought in the forefront in your mind"... That's an if statement. I stand behind my statement that if you are having a wedding to get gifts it's for the wrong reason.
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:40 PM
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That sounded like you were strongly inferring that getting gifts was the main thing on my mind, simply because I made one comment about not getting a gift now. I'm allowed to be upset and stressed about this, you're acting like this doesn't affect my wedding in any way when in reality, it does.
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Devoted September 2018
Kelly · on July 22, 2018 at 1:43 PM
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Lol why? Because I'm upset that I have to change things with my wedding? Because I'm upset that suddenly, after 5 months of having my bridal party set in stone that things are changing? Because now I have to hope for a refund on flowers? Or hair and makeup for her? And change my seating chart? Or because I have to find extra people to attend my rehearsal dinner? Yeah, God forbid I voice any type of anger out of that.
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Dedicated March 2024
Persephonenightingale · on July 22, 2018 at 1:47 PM
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My mother and I had a long talk after my niece got mad at me for not having her as one of my bridesmaids. My FH agrees. I already made my mind up on my maid of honor and my bridesmaids years before I even met my FH. I will not be making any changes. And I told her after she threatened not to come if I didn't make her part of the bridal party, if she doesn't like it that much she does not have to come. But, I might be being petty.
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VIP November 2018
starsinwaves · on July 22, 2018 at 1:50 PM
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One couple dropping out of your wedding party should really not have that much of an effect on your wedding! Flowers shouldn't be an issue, you get one fewer bouquet and you pay for one fewer bouquet. She's not getting her hair and makeup done, so you don't pay for it. Your seating chart shouldn't have to change at all if they're still coming to the wedding. And you're 1-2 months out so your seating chart shouldn't be set yet anyway. You don't have to find extra people to attend your rehearsal dinner, that's ridiculous. You pay for two extra meals to reach the minimum, or you see if they can work with you by providing an extra dessert or something. That's on you for picking a place that had a minimum so close to your guest count. What if someone got sick or had an emergency and couldn't make it?
It's OK to be upset that a friend can no longer be in your bridal party because she won't be there for you. But that's not why you're upset. You're upset because you feel like you've wasted money on her and you may not get a gift. This hardly affects your wedding at all and you're making it a WAY bigger deal than it is.
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