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Kelly
Devoted September 2018

Bridesmaid backed out 1 month before wedding....

Kelly , on July 22, 2018 at 10:29 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 120

So, I need to vent. One of my bridesmaids told me that her and her boyfriend (who was also a groomsmen) can't be in the wedding anymore due to money issues. I am really understanding of that...however, she already bought her dress! The only thing left to pay for was the suit rental. I'm so confused...
So, I need to vent. One of my bridesmaids told me that her and her boyfriend (who was also a groomsmen) can't be in the wedding anymore due to money issues. I am really understanding of that...however, she already bought her dress! The only thing left to pay for was the suit rental. I'm so confused and quite frankly pissed off because 1. She was in all my bridesmaid photos at my bridal shower 2. I wasted money on a bridesmaid proposal gift and 3. She was the one who was upset about not being asked originally! Not to mention, I asked her in April. So, plenty of time to save money there, right?

I should probably add other ways this has effected my fiance and I. Now he can't get his free tux rental because he had to have 5 groomsmen. Now he has 4. And now I may have to change my rehearsal dinner spot (good luck to me) because we had to have a minimum number of guests. Which now we are 2 short, and the rehearsal dinner is a Thursday night so finding replacements is not going to be so simple. I haven't really spoken to her much since, but I really have no desire to. I guess this also means I'm not getting a wedding gift lol. If they even show up.

Ughhhh!!! Just needed to vent. Has this ever happened to anyone or am I just so unlucky???
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120 Comments

  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Well, I kind of knew they weren't doing so great with money before I asked, which is why I asked her before officially asking her. Honestly, that is why I'm so upset. Because I tried avoiding this occurrence before it even happened, and it still happened. And that is so awesome with your wedding!!!!! I'm so happy for you. I wish we knew people that were able to do that!
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  • Tpatb
    Master August 2019
    Tpatb ·
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    Well..you’re a month out now so there’s no point in dwelling & focusing your energy there. Maybe it can be resolved post wedding. You should be able to find another rehearsal venue..just try focusing on the wedding
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Um, yes. I am serious. Why else do people make wedding registries then? For the fun of it or to hopefully get some items on the list?
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    Not everyone makes a registry. I didn’t.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Right, you didn't. But many do. Doesn't mean they are getting married for the wrong reasons for making one.
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  • J
    Expert September 2018
    Jody ·
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    Well that’s frustrating! This is why we are having family stand up for us. My brothers are my “best men” and my fiancé’s sister is his “best woman”.

    We also made the decision to pay for suit rentals. Just easier and then we wouldn’t have to deal with anyone not being able to afford it.
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    I’m not referencing that. I’m referencing the fact that you told OG Gretchen that she was lying if she said that she didn’t think about getting gifts while planning her wedding. My point was that not everyone thinks about gifts or registers for them.
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  • Tpatb
    Master August 2019
    Tpatb ·
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    I just don’t see why someone can’t post & be sick. & there have been ppl to check on me & I just wasn’t ready to talk or was exhausted..sometimes when ppl go through things they need “ppl breaks” I like having time away from others that I can just spend w/ my FH. Some understand, some don’t. We all process things different. & my phone is always in my hand but I’ll be honest to say I’m a crappy texter lol smh sometimes I homestly get distracted & forget to text back. Regardless, hopefully the situation can be resolved after the wedding..if not, oh well you have a best friend & love wrapped all in one! I wouldn’t stress over it..your big day is around the corner & none of that will matter.
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  • Victoria
    Devoted October 2019
    Victoria ·
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    Oh no! I am so sorry to hear about that! Have you tried talking to her? Maybe there’s more going on that you don’t realize! Hope everything works out! For the rehersal, can you invite two other family members or something to make up the difference of the two people?
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  • NikNak
    Master September 2018
    NikNak ·
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    This, all of this. Instead of being understanding about their issues, you're focusing on how it affects you. Your friends obviously had some issues with money, but being their friend doesn't give anyone a right to judge how they spend. It's sad they have to step down, but complaining about her being in your shower bridal party photos is too much. You did what you could by offering to help them out, now, like they did, take a step back and focus on what you need to do, and let them focus on what they need to do.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I am understanding and I am also thinking about how it is affecting me. I can do both at the same time.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Me too!! I'm working on finding family members now. Fingers crossed.
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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    Don’t bother changing the rehearsal dinner space. Explain what happened to the restaurant manager and perhaps they’ll lower the minimum. If they don’t, tell them you want 2 meals to go. At least they won’t go to waste. You don’t need the stress of finding a new location. As for the proposal gift, that’s on you. You decided to buy people a gift not even knowing what the answer would be.

    This sounds like something other than a money issue to me.

    I would check in with her to make sure she and her BF are still coming to the wedding. Sounds like she could end up being a no show.
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  • J
    Dedicated August 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    Honestly just wow! I'm done trying to defend myself against people who think I should bend over so far backwards that I break my back. I have done everything I can to be there for my friend and she has made zero effort to do anything in return. I'm sorry you're receiving the same icy response as me. It sucks to be betrayed by people who are supposed to be our biggest fans.
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  • Katie
    Devoted September 2018
    Katie ·
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    I just don’t understand why your BM couldn’t still be in the wedding (since she has her Dress). Does this mean they aren’t coming to the wedding at all? Did something happen between the dude and your FH? This all sounds very strange.

    And as for the Rehearsal Dinner - I think it would be easier to just pay for the two empty seats then have to spend more time looking for another venue. Maybe the restaurant can throw in extra dessert in place of their 2 dinners?
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I didn't even think to talk to the manager, that is a great idea. I can only hope they say yes. With this one in particular I asked her before "officially" asking her because I was already iffy. She assured me she wanted to be in the wedding and it would be fine. Smiley sad backfire I guess. She said they're still coming to the wedding but I don't know that they really will show up. Nervous to say the least.
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  • H
    Dedicated September 2018
    Hannah ·
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    At this point it might save you a headache just to pay for the suit rental, at least you'll be saved the stress
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I know, it is very strange. Nothing happened from my understanding. Actually, my fiance didn't even know his friend wasn't going to be in the wedding anymore until I told him. He never told my fiance his self. It is all just kind of rude.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Yes, we tried that, they still said they can't! Makes no sense to me either.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I know, this is crazy. Makes me not want to ever post a "vent" on here ever again. I guess we are just heartless and not "understanding" enough! Smiley heart
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