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Kelly
Devoted September 2018

Bridesmaid backed out 1 month before wedding....

Kelly , on July 22, 2018 at 10:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 120
So, I need to vent. One of my bridesmaids told me that her and her boyfriend (who was also a groomsmen) can't be in the wedding anymore due to money issues. I am really understanding of that...however, she already bought her dress! The only thing left to pay for was the suit rental. I'm so confused and quite frankly pissed off because 1. She was in all my bridesmaid photos at my bridal shower 2. I wasted money on a bridesmaid proposal gift and 3. She was the one who was upset about not being asked originally! Not to mention, I asked her in April. So, plenty of time to save money there, right?

I should probably add other ways this has effected my fiance and I. Now he can't get his free tux rental because he had to have 5 groomsmen. Now he has 4. And now I may have to change my rehearsal dinner spot (good luck to me) because we had to have a minimum number of guests. Which now we are 2 short, and the rehearsal dinner is a Thursday night so finding replacements is not going to be so simple. I haven't really spoken to her much since, but I really have no desire to. I guess this also means I'm not getting a wedding gift lol. If they even show up.

Ughhhh!!! Just needed to vent. Has this ever happened to anyone or am I just so unlucky???

120 Comments

Latest activity by Randa , on July 24, 2018 at 4:41 PM
  • Ingrid
    Super September 2018
    Ingrid ·
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    I wonder if you could offer to pay his tux rental? Since you would have to pay your FH’s tux anyway if he backs out. Good luck!
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  • Jen
    Savvy November 2018
    Jen ·
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    Maybe you could offer to let the groomsman have the free suit rental instead of your groom?
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    One of my BMs backed out due to money. This was before she bought the dress but I completely understood. You didn’t have to do proposal gifts. Of course she was in pictures at your shower because she’s important enough to you that you asked her to be in your wedding. You honestly don’t sound understanding at all. I get that your feelings are hurt, but you’re making this about money you spent or have to spend (like your FH’s tux) instead of being a friend to this person who’s clearly going through some kind of struggle.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    If you knew the whole story you wouldn't be saying that I'm not understanding. Her money issues were completely avoidable. Being irresponsible with money and then not being able to afford 180 bucks for a suit rental is not okay. We are at the age now that this is not acceptable. And did I mention she already bought her bridesmaid dress? So what else did she have to pay for? That's right, nothing.

    I know I didn't have to do gifts but the point is, I did. After asking her BEFORE I bought the gift if she wanted to be in the wedding! Do you not remember how stressful and expensive planning a wedding is? I don't need people dropping out so close to the wedding date.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    We tried that, they still said no. I thought it was a good idea. Guess not!
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  • J
    Dedicated August 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    My MOH ghosted me. I have a friend who I've known since kindergarten. We were friends but not all that close growing up, just hung out in school. Fast forward 20 years past graduation at our reunion where we reconnected and started hanging out every few weekends. Started getting closer by talking on the phone etc. I got engaged and asked her if she wanted to be my Moh, she accepted. 9 months later I need to get a hold of her for bridesmaids dress shopping and she ghosted me. Like for a whole month, not one word. Found out later she was supposedly in the hospital and she was in the middle of a bad breakup with her bf. I forgave her and made my Mum my MOH. Mum is taking on a lot now, thanks to my FH'S family *another story * and she's not that great with walking due to health problems. So after I find out that my friend may be able to attend the wedding after all (original she couldn't afford it, time off or cost wise) Mum asks if she can step back on as MOH. She says she'll try. Well it's been another month since that conversation and she's pretty much ghosted me again. 😤😡🤬
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  • Tpatb
    Master August 2019
    Tpatb ·
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    Did she have to pay for hair/makeup? Shoes? Transportation? A hotel room perhaps?
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    I can only give my opinion based on what you post here, which doesn’t sound understanding. I obviously don’t know the whole story, but even if you told it to us it still wouldn’t be the whole story because we’d only have one side. I didn’t find planning a wedding stressful, and I didn’t spend money on anything I thought I’d regret later so while it cost us a lot of money, we weren’t strapped and counting up the money our friends were costing us.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    That's awful...no excuse for being so unresponsive! I hope you figure it out soon, I am guessing your wedding is coming up also? If not, might be best to give her the boot now, she seems like she could be troublesome down the road.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    None of the above!
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  • sandy
    Dedicated October 2019
    sandy ·
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    That's horrible but seems to happen a lot. I have my 9 year old neice standing in as a junior bridesmaid In case something like this happens.... sorry!
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  • Tpatb
    Master August 2019
    Tpatb ·
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    I’m lost..how did she really “ghost” you if she was in the hospital? Then she had financial issues..even though she said she’d back w/ you, she now has hospital bills, financial issues, could’ve potentially been depressed due to everything that suddenly hit her & now she has someone more concerned abt her being committed to being in a wedding than her well-being? The 1st time she “ghosted” you she was in the hospital..is it possible something happened again? I’d try to find out if she’s okay from someone.

    I think sometimes we become so consumed w/ our big day that we forget abt what’s important. Hope your situation works out for you.
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  • C
    Savvy August 2018
    Courtnee ·
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    Honestly, this is when you learn who you're friends are and who has your best interest at heart. Don't offer to pay for anything! I'm quite sure you've dealt out enough money already! Let it go! I say this because, if she's already got her dress, He truly should have already had his Tux. You can't stress out or waste your time and energy on someone who honestly didn't take the time and effort for her other half to be ready. Sorry to be blunt but hey this Day is about you! Not your Bridesmaid!
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I get it and I really do feel for people who are having money issues, but you really don't see a problem with this?
    I didn't say I was strapped for money, but who likes wasting money? I definitely do not. Especially when it could have been avoided by simply telling me no in the first place.
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  • Tpatb
    Master August 2019
    Tpatb ·
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    Is it possible she could just be embarrassed bc she really doesn’t have the money in bills have stacked up? I’ve been there before & it’s truly a humbling yet terrible place to be. Maybe she really did want to be there for you but things come up..maybe you could try reaching out to see if there’s more to the story.

    FH’s tux..would buying the extra groomsmen suit still save him money?
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  • J
    Dedicated August 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    Wedding is 19 days away. Mum is staying on as MOH. Believe me I didn't put much faith in her following through. So she had the boot halfway anyways! I still haven't spoken with her and doubt I'll hear anything till after the wedding. I gave up trying to contact her.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    That is exactly how I feel about it. My feelings are hurt though, because now I'm just thinking we aren't worth it to them to put out the tux money for us. It's upsetting. You're right though, I am done offering, the damage is done.
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    I don’t see an issue with someone deciding to make a decision based on the things that are currently going on in their life, no. You can 100% be disappointed that your friend isn’t going to be standing by your side, but that’s not what it sounds like. It sounds like your pissed you bought her a gift and that now you probably won’t get a gift from them. Obviously there’s more to it than that and I don’t know your friend or the kind of friendship you have/had, but there’s been plenty of times in my life when I thought I would have money for something but when push came to shove I just couldn’t make it work.
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  • Kelly
    Devoted September 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Yes you are right, unfortunately we have already offered for him to get the free tux and it was still a no go. She is also backing out if my bachelorette party even though she has already paid half. It is just a really rough time for me coming to terms with this I guess.
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  • OG Gretchen
    Super June 2018
    OG Gretchen ·
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    You are way overstepping by making those statements about her age and finances. People of all ages can have financial issues. Jobs can be unpredictable, health issues arise, and **gasp** sometimes people make poor investment or financial decisions and have trouble bouncing back. It's not our business to say it's not acceptable to have a financial problem. If she has her dress, she could still stand in the wedding, but if they can't afford his suit, then they can't afford it. I wouldn't be worried about guessing you aren't getting a gift now (even if you put "lol" after it, it's clearly a thought you had).

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