Bridesmaid backed out 1 month before wedding....

View Quoted Comment You're right. It just sucks. I am being a tad selfish but I just have so many things to ammend now. Like flowers, seating chart, bachelorette party will now be more expensive for my sisters because she backed out after already paying half, rehearsal dinner, etc. Planning has been very stressful for me, I'm doing everything on my own. My parents are financially helping thankfully but I am not finding joy in the planning like I had hoped. So when I get a curveball thrown at me it just is sucky.

View Quoted Comment Then don't you think she should have just said no in the first place? Everyone knows it's expensive to be in a wedding. Everyone. And you're right, it is a very clear thought in my head. I can't help it.

View Quoted Comment She was in the hospital for a few days. Then she was back to posting on Facebook. She stopped answering phone calls texts and messages on im. Claimed she was sick but posted about being on her ex's boat the very same weekend. I was sympathetic to her believe me. I offered her a shoulder and gave her an out by having my Mum take over as MOH. She was the one not calling me she was the one not making any effort to see how I was doing ( I am going through a bunch of things outside the wedding with my ex and the courts, plus moving) I was constantly trying to contact her to see how she was and see if she needed a friend. I talked with her son about her and apparently she is still seeing her ex. She's got a great paying job and is doing well financially. I am not a selfish person by any means and have taken all of your concerns into consideration when she first ghosted me. But while she was too sick to text me, she was on a boat with her ex having fun. So...

I told my friends in advance to never be afraid to tell me that they can't afford the time off or the finances to be in the wedding. Because their stability and what's going on in their life matters more to me than being in my wedding. That includes backing out a month before hand. Though I would do everything possible to help out. Neither of you sound like you are very good friends to the other. If you offered to pay her bfs tux rental and they still said no then they aren't trying very hard. And if you're upset because she is in your shower pics as a bridesmaid ?? Really doesnt sound like you even like her.
And seriously, you can find 2 people to come to the dinner. That's not difficult. Or let them come and still be a part of your day. Understanding and forgiveness go a long way and is usually contagious.

View Quoted Comment All of this. I agree 100%.

View Quoted Comment Things have gotten rocky since I got engaged. I'm not sure if she is jealous because she is not engaged yet, or just trying to get me back for not asking her originally to be in the wedding? Idk.

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I was in a wedding in January and it cost me $86.

If getting gifts is the thought in the forefront of your mind, then you are having a wedding for the wrong reason.

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So she was a second string bridesmaid too?

View Quoted Comment Yeah, that is really crappy of her. Again, no excuse for actions. People are always so quick to defend the ones who screw us over in these threads. This bridesmaid still spends money like crazy, they have parties at their house every weekend, buy alcohol every weekend, go out to dinner all the time etc. I'm not seeing any great reason why they couldn't have even attempted to save $200 bucks for the wedding in 5 months.

View Quoted Comment I wouldn't say second string. She wasn't replacing anyone, but after hearing how upset she was with me for not being in the wedding, I asked her because I didn't want her feelings hurt. But I clearly backfired.

View Quoted Comment Don't you ever make assumptions about my relationship. If you say gifts aren't on your mind when thinking of your wedding, then you're lying.

One of my best friends told me last week that for financial reasons she may not be able to be in my wedding in a few months. Am I disappointed? Yes, of course. However, my response was to ask her if she was okay and if there was anything that I could do to help. Not help her make it to my wedding, but help her through a difficult time in her life. I don't care whether her financial situation is of her own making or not. She is struggling and she is my friend before she is a bridesmaid. I think it is good to remember that your wedding is one day and that other people's lives cannot and will not revolve around it.

Come on people, her main point is that these two have already paid for everything except the tux rental. And with her offering to pay the tux rental and they still say no, then quite frankly to me, that sounds kind of fishy. Lol. I would be extremely mad, and would definitely make sure they knew since the venue required a certain amount of people, to be able to use it. Honestly if it were me I wouldve angrily voiced that important aspect of it to them and let them know "thanks for ruining one of the most important days of my life!" That's just so wrong to me and I would be very hurt by it.

View Quoted Comment I agree, I don't expect anyone to revolve their life around MY wedding. I suppose I just take wedding commitments very seriously. Which I assumed everyone did.

View Quoted Comment Are you serious? The only thing on my mind when planning the wedding was wanting our families to see us get married and throwing a big party because I love throwing parties. Also, it was awesome to have our families witness H legally becoming my daughter’s stepfather. Nowhere in planning were gifts on my mind, and whenever someone asked I said we weren’t registered, had everything we needed, and we just wanted people to come celebrate with us.

View Quoted Comment The girl still had half the bachelorette party costs to pay for as well. We don’t know if the boyfriend had bachelor party costs also.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this. I was starting to think I wasn't allowed to be angry about this... I wasn't trying to come off as unsympathetic towards financial issues but it started to not really sound like a financial excuse anymore to me! I feel like when you commit to being in a wedding, and then you back out, there is a butterfly effect of many other things that now need to be fixed or are ruined!

View Quoted Comment She owed $50 and the boyfriend wasn't going to the bach party anyway due to work.

View Quoted Comment Still, it's rude to back out so far in the game

You mentioned that she became careless with spending in an earlier response? Partying, shopping, etc? How exactly did she become financially embarrassed in the firts place? We're these financial issues occurring before you asked her, or were they sudden? Our house suddenly went into foreclosure, without warning, a year ago, so I had to suddenly back out of a lot of things, including medical school, in order for my family to save it. I and my sister are working, but my mother is sick with CHF, so our money was going towards medical support. It seems odd that she would accept, then suddenly not be able to. The only reason that would make me back out of something like this would be if I and my family were in danger of becoming homeless again, if I were ill, if a loved one was ill, if we were starting to fall desperately behind on bills and needed the money to keep the heat and water on, etc. Luckily, this time around, I will be the bride and my family is offering to do most things I need for free, so we aren't so strapped for cash. My Granny is even doing the guest gifts, and the bridesmaids' gifts, and the groomsmen's gifts for us. My Godsister's dad, a professional DJ wants to do the reception for free, my uncle wants to cater, etc. Of course, we still will gift them with cash of some amount as a show of our gratitude.