Bridesmaid backed out 1 month before wedding....

I find this reply amusing. You know what I think of gifts? I don't expect them at all. I didn't invite people for the gifts as I 100% don't expect to get any. I even asked people before sending invites if they would be able to come so I could avoid sending invites to people who were a hard no so I didn't look gift grabby. Everything about your responses screams gift grabby.

You say this when just a few comments above you cannot fathom how they are omg living their lives and not putting money aside for your wedding. Clearly it's not at all about money. You offered a free tux. It's zero about money. Maybe they were just afraid to tell you that you are stressing them out and they just don't want to be a part of your day and used it as an excuse.

I have a "friend" like you. We booked a camping trip together and I paid her a little out of each paycheck. She had the nerve to get pissy with me when I would go out to dinner because I hadn't paid her the full amount of camping yet despite our agreement to make payments. She expected me to not live my life because I owed her money. I was never late paying her the agreed amounts so she had no right to judge what I did with my other money. Just like you have no right to judge your friend.

Exactly! The more comments I read the more shocked I get. The "vent" post shows complaining and gift grabby situation but we are supposed to feel bad when there's "more to the story" that she won't share.

You can vent all you want here but don't expect everyone to say omg I'm soooo sorry when you are including things in the post that are quite selfish like oh no she's in some of the pictures now they are ruined! You are the only one who will ever care about that.

These are all things that you should have included in the post instead of omg I'm not getting a gift now. Yes all those things in reality do suck hard. I get being stressed over that. But you honed in on wasting money on a proposal gift and not getting a gift.

Sure thing, and looking over it I'm sorry you're getting so much heat from this forum - I'm not taking sides because some good points were made (try to remember that even though gifts are the norm, they're not actually required and shouldn't have any bearing on how you treat your guests) but I do understand that this is a stressful situation for you and you were trying to get some constructive help, not be told off. It's hard to keep a clear head when planning a wedding, and I do think this website gets out of control in the sense that people come here to vent and seek help during a stressful time, yet because it's public there's always going to be someone who doesn't know you and blows some side comment out of proportion and starts with personal attacks, when all you were trying to do was get your head straight and didn't realize it would be taken that way. Even though your situation is far from the end of the world and certainly isn't the end of your wedding, it can feel like it when things go wrong. We all want our weddings to be perfect and not have to associate them with drama and stress, but unfortunately that is always a part of it - and it can even make you irrationally start to dislike certain friends and family. It's all I can do not to harbor resentment for people when they thoughtlessly mess up my plans or act like my wedding is of no importance when I've been working my rear off to accommodate everyone's needs and wants (I'm thinking the 40 people who didn't bother to RSVP, bridal party members who are suddenly mad because they only just realized the date we sent them back in November is a Friday, not a Saturday, and that friend trying to make the whole thing about her and can't talk about my wedding without mentioning how single and miserable she is).

I think part of her frustration is that the story doesn't hang together all that well because the girl already paid and they offered a free tux...so it does kind of sound like they're using it as an excuse. I have "friends" who do things like that and it does really get on my nerves - it says a lot that they think so little of the relationship that they'd back out on her wedding and then blame finances, which some people really do struggle with but it's despicable if they're lying about that! It seems like she's tried to be a good friend and accommodate, and they should understand that she's worked really hard to work them into her plans and unless there's a bigger issue not mentioned, they're being inconsiderate flakes (I don't know the situation, so I can't allow for anything I don't know, like if they're mad over other personal issues, or if she's been a bridezilla - though I don't think even that is an acceptable reason to drop out of a wedding party with 1 month to go).

The only thing that still keeps me from "taking sides" in this is her comment about the gift, that was in bad taste but she's clearly upset and has bigger problems with her friends acting like selfish jerks (assuming that there isn't a real financial reason here, with my reasons to believe there isn't already explained).

OP, I'm sorry you're stressed out about the situation. You have every right to your feelings, even if they don't completely make sense to you or others. I hope after your vent here you're able to move on. This is a small hitch, annoying, yes, but not worth letting you get stressed over! You can find people to fill their spots at the rehearsal dinner if they are not there. And they can still attend even if they are no longer in the bridal party. Unless your relationship with this person is rocky to begin with (And it sort of sounds like it is?) then I assume you want this person there because you enjoy their company, not because they're filling a role for you. If the relationship with them was already rocky in the first place, then like you said, perhaps it was a bad taste of judgment making her a BM, but that ship has sailed. What I'm getting at is, if you don't want their company, then you can easily replace them with grandparents, out of town guests, another friend, etc. Or, like someone else suggested, talk with the venue and explain the situation and see if something can be done. Take a deep breath, that portion WILL sort itself out and be a distant bad memory, I promise!

As for your post, I'm sorry that people on here tend to come in a little strong. The arguing between members hurt my heart to read, and I hope everyone is able to cool down and put it behind them. Your original post, most likely written in the heat of anger, did come off as a little bit insensitive, and we do see A LOT of upset brides who are upset with their friends when said friend has done nothing wrong, so it's easy to roll your eyes and say "here we go again." I know you did not mean for it to come off as insensitive or gift-grabby in any way, you're just upset that someone unexpectedly dropped out of your wedding with it being so close, and I can understand why you would be upset! I get upset when the smallest of plans change as well, even if it's not that person's fault.

We don't know the entire story, and I gathered that there is more to this going on as well, aside from the money issues. That is something you'll need to work out between you and your friend, and I hope in the end you can reach a conclusion that brings peace to you.

You are always, always welcome to come and vent on these forums, that's what they're for! However, people do have varying opinions, and they may voice those opinions a little more harshly than you were expecting. Just shake it off and keep going. At the end of the day, you're getting married and it's going to be amazing! Planning isn't butterflies and rainbows, contrary to what movies would like you to believe, so you aren't alone when you say you aren't exactly enjoying the planning process. But you're very close and everything will resolve itself in the end!

Good luck!

You're very welcome!!! I hope the stress lessens for you soon, it's definitely not fun to go through!

I would be very upset too if i were you..... I really would!! I wouldn't be upset about the wasted Bridesmaid ask gift as you decided to buy those.... I wouldn't be upset about the rehearsal dinner spaces (as you could call and just offer to pay for the two spaces or even not tell them and just treat them as no show with your venue). I wouldn't be upset about the "lost" wedding gift as without $ I doubt you would have gotten a gift anyway.

What would seriously tick me off is this situation can't be about the money as her dress is paid for and you said she didn't have any other bridesmaid expenses left to pay. You offered the free tux to the groomsman.... so despite having no more wedding related expenses, they are still not standing up in your wedding. I don't think she's being honest with you about something and that I would find extremely frustrating. Just put this behind you as there isn't a darn thing you can do it about and try to enjoy the rest of your planning! Good Luck

Sheesh that sucks. I would be upset too but would get over it with time. Just take some time to be understanding and focus on you!

Life happens. How we respond to it is what makes us who we are. So, one of your good friends tells you they are struggling in life, so much so that they can no longer be in the wedding party, something they have demonstrated to be super important to them to begin with. I know my response wouldn't be anger at my friend for struggling. It would be trying to be there for them in whatever capacity they were comfortable with.

I was thinking the same thing! It sounds like it would save money in the long run.

That sounds not nice as a friend. I guess she's upset with you for sth. Maybe you should talk to her, and let her know that you really need her. I don't know if you can support them a little bit. I will only invite my important girls as my bridesmaids. If she's somebody can't be missed in my big day, I will try me best to support her.

I've been thinking this while reading this thread. Thanks for putting it so well.

Look, I can get feeling a little frustrated and hurt that your friend won't be participating, but honestly the things that you focused on in your post caused me to think that you were behaving selfishly too. And I hope that that's just something that was written in the moment and that's not how you actually feel (about her being in certain pictures, and all that about gifts and money).

We don't know the whole story, but the way you've presented it here makes it sound like you're in the wrong here, not necessarily your friend. I hope you both can work things out.

You're not alone. I lost a "best friend" of 14 years over my wedding. Except my gf was such a coward she made up a really petty fight and basically ghosted me. I had to give her an ultimatum because time was running out for me to be able to replace her. She didn't even have the audacity to tell me. I think ours was over jealousy, envy and money. Weddings do crazy things to women. Its really sad. I am glad it happened when it did though because I was able to easily replace her with a friend who was more positive and happy to be a part of my wedding instead of jealous and bitter. You never know, this could be a blessing in disguise!