Bachelor Party Disaster

That is terrible!!!

Guys are very different creatures. Don't get your hopes up expecting them to back you up/confront DB. Most likely they will not want to get involved or unfortunately probably not think it's that big of a deal.

You my dear are in a very difficuly situation. I'm not sure what i would do in your shoes. If you tell her it will most likely end their relationship and possibly your friendship (girls can be weird like that). But if you dont tell her, she could be wasting her time with this DB and maybe he cheats on her again and she does find out. If she had known what he was capable of, she could have put an end to it the first time (this time).

If you decide NOT to tell her and she finds out another way and then finds out that you knew all along... be prepared sweetie. Won't be pretty.

Hugs to you!

Well definitely don't let it start a war between you and FH. I totally get the 'guy code' (i mean....i don't GET it, I just get that it exists) so it's just typical for your FH to say not to tell her because it'll end up coming back to you and your FH and that could cause some tension between him and his friends as well but...

ugh...i dunno girl....much luck to you with that one. Let us know what your plan of attack is...i'm interested.

How close are you with this girl? I really feel for you because you are in a tough spot. If it were me I would want to know. However if ou aren't that close I would stay out of it. I had a similar situation happen with one of fh friends and I know the gf but I am not super close with her. Fh told me that I don't know how their relationship works so it's not my place to tell her. I like the idea of confronting db and giving him x amount of days. Only problem is that if he doesn't tell her the responsibility will be on you and being the messenger can ruin a friendship.

It's none of your business if you were there you coud have said "yo dbag, if you sneak off with that chick again I have no prob telling your gf" but you wern't there.

FH can't tell her, cause well guy code. If you're friend is a sneaky DB he's your friend so well... (and he doesn't really know what happened either) Also if you tell her Fh gets in trouble with the dude and for what chances are she'll either not believe you guys or will and then get back together with him.

Just be lucky your FH told you, means he's honest.

Can't medle in other peoples relationships, if he's a cheat chances are thisn't the first time, cause why would the first time be when all the otehr guys were there to witness?

Goodluck but I suggest you keep your mouth shut or chances are you lose a friend. Also be glad she isn't married to him.

The only way I would say something to a friend is if it was one of my best friends.

"If you decide NOT to tell her and she finds out another way and then finds out that you knew all along... be prepared sweetie. Won't be pretty."

This is what I'm afraid of the most.

It actually happened to me once - I went to my boyfriend's house (high school) and a few friends were there and looked totally freaked when I walked in. I said, "where is M?" and they were all like "Uh.... he's in his room but... I wouldn't go in there." Turns out he had been cheating on me with another girl we hung out with, and everyone knew. I felt so stupid and was so hurt that I stopped hanging out with the entire group altogether.

I know she may do this anyway, but I don't want her to have bad feelings against me for keeping this secret.

Other wise this happens https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/third-hand-information-act-or-ignore/9f2c8a0ed74cbdf7.html

and she doesn't know who to believe , ets

I'm one of those people who would be pissed beyond belief at YOU for telling me something that you do not have first hand knowledge of - or that your FH did not as well. I do agree DB's behavior is poor since the appearance of impropriety is there but unless it's a FACT I'd steer clear.

Telling DB's GF that he was unaccounted for on a cruise I don't think is cool.

DH just got back from his Bach party this weekend... Several of the guys wandered off, to include my dad. I'd never call my mom and say hey Dad left the group and wasn't heard from...

Marie - It wasn't that he was just sneaking off with her, but that he admitted to fooling around with her (just said that they didn't have sex) and the girl's friend (who shared their room) said she walked in and they were in the closet and she was moaning loudly and it sure as hell sounded like they were doing more than just making out.

But even if they didn't have sex, that's still cheating. And it wasn't just a one time "I was drunk and it happened" thing, it was multiple times throughout the whole cruise.

I agree with vgnb this is a horrible thing and I woud've like to know if God forbid it happens to me

SMH. I would want someone to tell me. That is crazy. Poor girl!

Really seriously EVEN if the girl is pissed at you which in my opinion she shouldn't be I would tell her. It's worth losing a friend over you are saving her from years of pain. I agree about giving him a date to tell her or someone else in the group will.

But definitely feel bad for you, puts you in a horrible situation.

Vngb, had a point but you also have to be prepared that she doesn't believe you. We had something similar happen in our group of friends a few years ago and I finally told the wife because I know I would have wanted her to tell me if it were the other way around. Well it didn't go over too well, because she believed him! I was the snitch in the eyes of our friends even though a few of the guys knew and still know what a cheating DB he is. FH and I didn't care because we knew what went on and we don't want to be associated with people like that. This couple is now trying to befriend us again. More than likely because they didn't get an invite. lol

The whole incident is gross, really. It doesn't matter, really whether he 'did it" or not. The fact of the matter is that he showed her no respect at all (even if they just made out) assuming that no one would tell on him.

He's scum and she should know it now rather than later. Decent men don't do that crap.

Ugh

Celia- exactly! He knowingly we out of his way to cheat on her... I'm sure if they didn't have sex it wasn't for lack of trying on his part. DH even informed me that she wasn't the only girl he had hit on during the trip, just the only one who was interested. So to me it seems like he was like "Yes, I'm out of the country without my girlfriend, what happens in Cozumel stays in Cozumel!"

I'm just praying he didn't bring something else back with him too......

Oh geez, yeah. Seriously? she should make him get tested before she even touches him. That should be a humbling he seems to really need.......

I'd tell her, but that's just the way I am. I don't really care if DH's friends like me or not(I don't hang out with them), and if my friend gets mad at me well at least I was trying to be a good friend instead of just burying my head in the sand like everyone else. The number of times I've said anything to a friend about their BF can be counted on one hand, and they know I don't do it just to cause drama. And every single time the db has proven himself to be a douchebag after I told my friend. She might be mad or defensive of her BF, but if he proves himself to be an a-hole she'll get over it, and if she's too blinded by love than it's not your fault. I do as I would want my friends to do for me. That's just what I would do. If you're not comfortable or you're afraid of any backlash, I suggest you don't do it though. I have no problem being the bitchy friend when I need to be, but I know it's harder for other people and you shouldn't do it if you don't think you can handle it.

It sucks...but in this case, its not anyones place to say a word other than the DBs. HE's the only one that knows the extent of the encounters. I wouldn't want to insert myself in a position where you are messing with 2 peoples lives ( =kids) for 2nd hand information. Nope. No deadlines, nothing. Let it be. No one assigned anyone to be the relationship police. That being said, it was shameful if true..and all guys are NOT like that. It takes so much for a couple to make this work, to toss it away so carelessly is beyond stupid.

I'd tell her. I'm honest to a fault, hate secrets, etc. I make decisions based on my moral code which is to be honest. I'd want to know rather than looking like a fool missing such a DB. Poor girl :\ I get what groomzilla is saying, but I just can't do that. I can't watch a friend swoon over such a loser. I'd give him a deadline. It's messy either way She deserves better than being lied to though and I don't believe that life is always fair or that people get what they deserve, but she deserves to know.

Well guys may have their guy code..but in my opinion only the immature ones have that..but I also have a girl code..which includes telling one of my friends if their man is cheating..and does it really matter if he had sex or not..more than likely if he was sneaking around with her for 5 days they had sex way more than once..i would not be mad at the person who told me i would direct my anger at the person who was cheating..i think hes a fricken jerk, and would want to know if it was my man. also if it was my husbands friend i would not ever want to even look at the scumbag again or ever want fh to hang out with him..hes just a bad influence..if i were in your shoes i would tell her.she deserves the truth and what she does with it is up to her.if shes smart she would run for the hills after kicking him a couple times in the balls!.be prepared for some drama,but in your heart you will know you did the right thing..good luck!