Bachelor Party Disaster

So he tells me, our friend (we'll call him DB - for douchebag) met some girl while they were hanging out in the cruise bar, and he kept sneaking off with her. Immediately, I am livid. Not only at DB, but at the rest of the guys for allowing it to happen!!! I'm sorry, but if my girlfriend was dating a guy that I really liked, and she even thought about messing around while she was on MY bachelorette cruise, I would tell the guy to back off, smack my friend and say "WTF are you thinking, get your a$$ over here and knock it off".

He claims they tried to talk to him about it and he just didn't listen and he would just randomly disappear and show up with this girl later, and the girl's friend she was with said she went in the room and they were messing around in the closet and she heard the girl moaning. DB swears they didn't do anything but make out, but no one believes him. cont....

I was told the rest of the guys were pissed at him for the duration of the trip, went off on him for spending time with some random chick instead of their friends, and demanded that he tell his girlfriend. But who knows if he will.

I am just sick to my stomach right now. This poor girl was at my house all weekend telling me how much she missed DB... They've been together for about three years, and they just bought a condo together!!! I am just floored by this news and so angry, I KNEW from the beginning this cruise was a stupid idea but I thought they were all man enough to behave themselves and we could trust them. At least that is true for the rest of them (or so I hope). But now my mind is reeling with possibilities of what happened on this cruise and what is going to happen now with my poor friend. I certainly won't be the one to tell her because it's not my place, but what if he never does?

This is not what I wanted to hear today

UGH!!! this makes me so angry.

I really hate people who do that kind of crap.

that is so sad. I feel bad for her, cheating is probably one of the most hurtful things someone could do. But I would wait and see what happens. and then if he DOESN'T tell her, you should. I would simply because if he did that why should he get away with it? That and the poor girl I'm sure is so happy to see him and around everyone they are around she'll be in the dark while EVERYONE else knows the truth. If it happened to me I'd want to be told. Poor girl :/

Ughhhh sickening

Everyone might hate this, but I'm going to play the devil's advocate. No one REALLY knows what happened with DB and this other girl. Maybe he was telling the truth. And not that he should be making out with other girls, but if he's going to cheat on her, he's going to do it whether he is on a cruise or at the local Applebee's so this trip probably has nothing to do with what he did besides that it was an easy opportunity. Hopefully he talks to his girlfriend and they figure things out regardless of what actually happened but I don't think it's anyone's responsibility - your FH's and his friends to babysit him at the BP to make sure he behaves, or yours to tell her.

What the fudge? What a DB (that's the nicest you can call him)!!! That poor girl! He needs to tell her. And if he doesn't, someone else needs to tell her. If you were in her situation, wouldn't you wanna know? This whole thing makes me SO angry. Apparently you never really know someone. The stories that were told today certainly prove that.

She is! She texted me and was like "I am sooo excited to see him today!! I feel like calling out sick to work just so I can spend the day with him" and I wanted to cry It's hard because like you said, everyone knows but her and if I were her I would be mad at everyone for keeping that from me and acting like everything is okay. And like you said, if he feels he can get away with it once, why not do it again and again?

"Hopefully he talks to his girlfriend and they figure things out regardless of what actually happened but I don't think it's anyone's responsibility - your FH's and his friends to babysit him at the BP to make sure he behaves, or yours to tell her. "

I know I got mad at FH and the other guys at first, because I was thinking "How could you let this happen!?" but the more I thought about it, I know if he really wanted to he would have done it regardless and they couldn't be with him all night, especially when they are drinking and trying to have a good time. I just didn't expect this out of any of them and I am so upset that it happened. I really like her, and it is infuriating knowing she was miserable without him while he was off messing around with another girl (and who knows if its happened before)

Omg. What DB! Some ppl have no control! I have to agree with Tatyana though, this may have not been the first time he done something like this. I feel so bad for the girl. She was innocently waiting for her love and he was out doing something else! I really hope he mans up and tells her.

My guess is he will never tell her....If it were me I'd want someone to tell me...even if it was one of the GFs saying hey they guys said this went down on the trip so you may want to confront him & get the story from him, but im just letting you know what i heard....i mean its like the poor girl is now wasting hertime on this guy who may cheat again, and even if he didnt "cheat" on his GF physically (which even if they just kissed - is still cheating) its an emotional thing also, you were on a ship for 5 days flirting with the same girl those 5 days - theres an emotional level of cheating there. it wasnt like u were at the bar n harmlessly flirted a little to think "yea i still got it" and then go home to your girl...you did this for 5 days! does he have no conscious!? It'd make me sick to find out later that everyone knew but me and no one wanted to stand up and tell me....

I've seen experts on tv answer questions about similar situations. They say the best thing is to go the the person behaving badly and say "I've seen/heard that you did this (go into details). I find this unacceptable and I refuse to let my friend stay in the dark about this. You have until XX day to tell her what happened yourself. If you don't, I will make sure she finds out." Hopefully, that will be enough for him to admit it, but if not you would need to follow through. However, expect that she will not believe you, will be angry with you for "making up such a story" (which is how it will probably seem to her), and you may lose your friendship at least for some period of time. It may help if you can get as many of the guys as possible to come with you to confirm the story, but that doesn't mean she'd be ready to accept it as truth yet.

Oh my gosh I am so sorry to hear this happened to that girl =( stupid DB =(

Kirst- exactly!! If he had just gotten black out drunk and made out with some girl on the dance floor and then later was like "I can't believe I did that"... I could maybe forgive that. But the fact that he consciously made an effort to hook up with this girl throughout the whole trip - even while sober - is a completely different story. That's no accident, and proves his heart is not in the same place as his girlfriend's.

Vngb- I thought about doing exactly that, either myself or having the guys confront him and say "hey, you really need to tell her or we will." Because if I were her- I'd be more mad at my friend for not telling me and letting me waste my time and look like an idiot, than I would for her being honest.

Vngb had a valid point! You have to give him so and so many days, otherwise he will be like, "I will tell her, the time just wasn't right yet" over and over again. Give him a deadline and be prepared for the worst. Have cookies and wine at your house and lots of ice cream and then be there for her.

OMG! What a DB!!!! Oh that sucks! I agree with Kirst...if it were me, I would want to know too. I like VNGB's idea. Oh that really sucks! =(

@EdieKristen....That really sucks that that happened on their bachelore trip. It puts you in such a sucky place...not because it's your obligation to say (or not to say) anything to anybody, but just because it's a sucky situation.

I honestly don't know what you should do (or what I would do). My FH and his core group of guy friends always do a trip for the bachelor party so them and a few others booked their trip to Cancun at the end of October. 90% of the ones going are married (and with kids) but I've still heard some stories about past bachelor parties regarding certain ones that I'm not thrilled with AT ALL and I've beaten a dead horse talking about it with FH and while he can understand my feelings because of stories I've heard but ultimately, he said, it comes down to trust between him and I that he wouldn't get caught up in any of that kind of behavior.

Edie, I would do the same thing if one of my friends went off with a guy but I guess guys are just different that way

Unforturnately guys (and girls) behave like that a lot. You can only try and stop someone so many times. We are all grown ups and it's not our responsibility to baby sit each other. A similar situation happened to me on a girls trip to Las Vegas earlier this year. The girl in questions was cheating on another girls BIL on the trip so it was awkward. It's the cheaters responsibility to say something to their partner. The deliverer of bad news is often times ignored/persecuted.

It also happens a lot on boys trip that FH goes on. Some people are just awful and you can't stop them. I am certainly not going to let some floosy ruin my trip to Vegas and I sure as heck won't spend 100% of my time trying to keep her legs closed. You shouldn't expect you FH to stop his friend.

I think VNGB is on the right path.

Lisa, that's the hard part because he was like "You can't tell her" and I was like "Well, if DB doesn't, someone needs to!" but apparently I'm not even supposed to know because ... I don't know, the bullshit guy code or whatever. The bachelor of the cruise also told his fiance the moment they got in the car too so at least I can vent with her about it. If this girl isn't calling me crying in a week, I'm going to make sure word gets back to DB that he needs to tell her or we will.

Ugh it just sucks.