Asking parents to contribute?!

I feel that I should warn you that you are probably going to get blasted for even asking this question. Some brides/grooms/vendors on here can get really nasty, especially when it comes to who pays for the wedding. I prefer to be nice about it : ) There's really no tackful way of asking your parents to help pay for your wedding. In today's time alot of couples pay for their own wedding. If parents contribute that is a blessing. I would stick within the budget you have, be thankful your dad is contributing, and don't go into debt. Hopefully your other parents will want to help but I wouldn't ask.

I think if you cannot pay for a wedding yourselves you should move the date so you'll have time to save. Your parent's dont have to contribute and most assuredly should not be asked (in my opinion). If they offer, wonderful! but if you find it difficult to stay within budget either cut a lot out or postpone.

If you can't afford what you want... push the date back so you can save for it.

I agree with the previous posts- if they haven't offered already then chances are you aren't going to contribute even when you ask. If you can't afford to pay for yourselves with the help of your dad then you should probably push the date back or scale down the wedding significantly.

This is a tricky situation. Expectations and "traditions" change so much. For example, some "more traditional" families might just assume that they are contributing financially and might not even mention it to you. Other families (more "modern") might expect the bride and groom to foot nearly the entire bill. I don't think there's anything wrong with either situation. But the important thing to do is to find out which situation you're in. Instead of asking them to contribute, I would sit down with ALL the parents and discuss where the money for this wedding is coming from. Be clear that you're not expecting them to contribute. But don't be disappointed if they aren't willing to pitch in. It's great if they help, but it's only an added bonus, it shouldn't be expected.

We are receiving financial contributions for both of our parents for our wedding. I always knew that my parents would pay for a large portion. Not that I expected them to or felt that that had to, I just know that my parents are traditional in the thought of "the brides family pays for the wedding." My dad even stated many times, both in joking and serious, that if we decided to just elope that he would just give us the money he would have spent on our wedding in cash as a present.

His parents were less open in the beginning about contributing, and I wasn't going to ask them. If they offered, great. If they didn't, oh well, the money that my parents had offered and that we could also personally contribute to our own wedding was more than enough. A few weeks ago, his mom started talking about the rehearsal dinner and them paying for that. This past week over Thanksgiving, his mom also said that she would pay for the flowers.

Continued...

Because we hadn't been expecting anything from his parents, it was a very appreciated gesture. Had they not offered though, we wouldn't have asked them or said anything about it as even though we are very blessed and lucky to have the help that we do in paying for our wedding (since so many couples pay for their own nowadays), when it comes down to it, it is our wedding, not theirs.

Ell my parents automatic said they'll be as much as possible but they weren't willing to pay for FH family plates. They wanted my FILs to chip in for their family. FH and I ent to discussed it with them and refused to pay. I as a little upset but when I got home 2 days later FH and I sat down to come with a solution. Well like my parents aren't paying for FH side and they dont want to contribute plus the dont even see my FH Aand they love parting. My wedding isn't another party theres a meaning of it. So if we included them that means we have to have our wedding 2017 cause all the savings we would have to do. So we agreed a small intimate wedding of 60 guest. Only his parents and brother invited to the wedding the rest ould be his co workers from work. My fam is only 20 people.

If I was you I rather just ask nicely and if they cant come up with another solution. Maybe cut guestlist or put the date back

Here's the thing. Traditionally, it's the brides parents that pay for the wedding. The grooms parents only pay for the rehearsal dinner.

If they have not offered, I would not stress them. Your FH may ask his parents but you should not. You can ask your mom but you FH should not.

Sometimes parents are waiting for the kids just to ask. You can start going over the plans with your mom and the budget you & FH can afford and go from there. She may offer to pay for your dress or something small like that but do NOT put a burden on her if that's all she says. If she says nothing then leave it alone.

A better option would be to act more adult and independent and either change your date and save for your wedding or have a smaller affair that you can afford with your dad's contribution. Small intimate weddings can be so beautiful.

We have not asked anyone to contribute to our wedding. We are doing it ourselves with what we can afford. We put a budget in place and are sticking to that

I agree with those above - As the groom's parents, I doubt they are expecting to contribute. However, if you do choose to ask them, have your FH do it. You should probably stay out of the conversation.

My parents are very traditional. They had money saved for each of their children's wedding so when my FH proposed my parents immediately offered to help pay.

However, being the tradional parents they are they also felt that the groom's family should cover the "traditional" things the groom's family is supposed to pay for (alcohol, rehersal dinner, etc...) his mom (single parent) has not offered to help at all which caused a bit of tension with the FH and I at first, but he explained that she was not financially stable enough to contribute.

My parents weren't very happy when I told them that she wasn't going to follow tradition, but my FH and I are helping to cover the costs that would normally be covered by his mom so it worked out.

That being said, I don't think there is a way to tastefully ask. They may offer down the road (when my friend got married she took her parents with her to try on dresses, planning on paying for it herself, but when her dad saw her in it he CONT

Started crying and immediately whipped out his credit card) but don't bank on them doing so. Plan within the budget you have now and treat anything else like a bonus. Like some of the other ladies have said you may need to push your date out to give yourself time to save.

What i did with my parents was if you want to contribute that will be great. What ever you give will be appreciated and left it like that. I don't believe to be an adult you don't ask for some help. Some people might not ask because they don't want to be pushy. Only you know what is right. The only way to know is to ask. Worst case they say no.

My FH is paying for a lot of the wedding because i am in school and don't make alot of money.

I'm a stay at home mom so my FH is the only one bringing in any income. We had a longer engagement so that we could save up for what we wanted. I think it's rude to ask anyone to pay for your wedding. If they offer and you want to take it then whatever but I would NEVER ask someone to help pay. I've even turned down offers given to us. We are adults there is no reason someone else should be paying for something we want. Change your date or plan within the budget you can afford, simple as that.

My divorced parents never made mention of how things would be paid and I was a little uncomfortable in asking if they were looking to contribute. But, once I made mention of venues and how much things would cost (largely because I was impressed with how cheap things would be) my dad said, "Hey, just let me know how much things are gonna cost you," and my mom said once we add up some of the numbers to sit down with her to budget out the rest. I'm 100% certain the FH's family is expecting to contribute nothing. His family is very, "once you get a job and you support yourself, you made the choice to lay down $15k on a wedding." Then again, I don't think they know my family is footing the bill. If they did, maybe they'd toss in something. But, I'm not looking to guilt them into contributing. If they wanted to, they would've by now; we've talked about plans enough to them.

There is no polite way to ask. The bottom line is that any money you get should be greatly appreciated and cherished (my FW's parents are paying for what amounts to about 38% of the wedding, but that was the offer they made and we are beyond grateful). Doing a quick look at our wedding I could EASILY find ways to cut expenses to get us to a point that they wouldn't have had to pay a penny if it was needed. Don't get me wrong it wouldn't have been the dream/ideal wedding we wanted, but we would still be married, which is FAR more important.

So bottom line, you have a budget and that's a great first start, now you need to make sure that you reset your expectations to fit within that budget.

We are adults, and we will be paying for this on our own, now recently FMIL offered to do invites, and I believe my mom will do flowers (we are just doing silk flowers) it was never expected nor did we ask. If they want to help we will not turn it down. Our budget is set for what we can afford.

Well...this is something I just went through during Thanksgiving. Both of my sisters went to my parents during the time of their weddings and asked for help. I on the other hand do not feel comforatable doing that, because I figure if they want to donate- they will. Both me and my FH have chosen to have a wedding within our financial means for that very reason. That being said, my parents have asked if they can contribute which will help out drastically, but we will still keep our budget as it stands.

My parents are also traditional in that they planned to help pay for my wedding. FH's parents are divorced. FMIL is single and FFIL remarried when FH was three.

FMIL threw us an engagement party and offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. At the engagement party (last March), FFIL told my parents that they'd have to "talk numbers to figure out who was going to pay for what." My dad's called him twice, but he hasn't returned his phone calls. So we don't think that FFIL will be contributing to the wedding now. I'm staying out of it, but my dad's not. He's going to write him an email mentioning their conversation where FFIL offered to contribute. He's going to say that if he'd still like to contribute that he can help to pay for alcohol.

Bottom line: you can't expect people to contribute, and you can't count on their contributions until you actually have their cash in hand.