Asking friends to be day of coordinators?

Hire someone.

I would not want to do that for a friend's wedding.

A MC and Day of coordinator is not the same thing. A MC keeps the order of the reception, like making sure people know when to eat, when it's time to make the toasts, etc. But a day of coordinator makes sure the WHOLE days runs well. Everyone is where they need to be, food is in order, decorations are still in tact, make sure the ceremony gets started on time, everyone is lined up right. We have both. My very close friend is my DOC. And I picked her because she KNOWS me and I didnt want no one that would be calling me every minute asking me questions. Your DOC relieves stress not add to it. And she has been a DOC at a couple of my friends wedding and does great. You need someone who can react well under stress

I hate when I read suggestions in bridal magazines, wedding websites, etc., to "appoint" a friend to be a wedding coordinator. Um, no, who wants to do that?! I think this would be even more offensive to the friend than just not asking him to be in the wedding party (which there's nothing wrong with).

This is a very bad idea. You are asking your friends to work for the day - basically your wedding servants. They will probably be offended. The only people who should be working are hired staff. Let them just relax and attend as guests if you don't want them in the wedding party. I don't know why anyone would think it would be acceptable to treat their friends as unpaid labor.

My MOH is sort of in charge of all of this. She loves that kind of stuff and really should go into event planning. She's also my SIL and my FH pretty much told her she had to help us, haha. FH is also helping when I'm getting ready so that's nice. I'm not to sure what our venue does yet. Reception venue we're on our own, but that's OK - its small.

I wouldn't ask a friend though to assist with those types of things.

One of mine offered and I didn't have the heart to say no so she's helping with things a little bit and will be at the church early for me but I'm getting a DOC and told her that I want her to enjoy the wedding and that's why I'm getting a DOC.

Bad idea, three of my BMs got us a DOC as gift. I wouldn't ask a friend to work my wedding, I want them to enjoy the day... As a guest.

It really depends on how much they will need to do. I was the "morning of coordinator" for my cousin's wedding, and I was honored to be asked and included. I arrived three hours before the wedding and dealt with all of the vendors, set-up, etc. I was available for emergencies, and made a couple "not important enough to bother the bride" decisions. However, once it was time for the ceremony, I was just a guest. She had friends throughout the night running the photo booth (one hour timeslots). They all seemed happy to help. I think it's fine to ask friends to help out as long as you are very clear as to what they will need to do, and you don't overload them.

Also, choose wisely. This person may be handling a wedding day crisis, so you need to make sure whoever you pick can handle that.

Also, I am asking one of my friends to do what I did for my cousin-arrive early, be the contact on-site, handle the little details, etc. She offered (pleaded) to do it for me. I was thrilled. She really should be an event planner.

I asked an extremely organized, already married, friend to be my DOC. We have our events director at the reception venue, but this friend will just be to make sure the ceremony runs correctly and I don't have to designate it to a BM, my FH, or one of the moms. She'll do great for sure.

That would be a bad idea

An MC is NOT a wedding coordinator -- are these people that enjoy and that you would trust to help set up your wedding and ensure it runs smoothly? I mean, some folks do have friends that are well suited for this role, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here. Asking them to do this is not an honor and worse than just not asking them to be in BP. There's nothing wrong with him not asking his friend to be part of the wedding, money and time saved by the friend.

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I don't think it's ever a good idea to ask friends to work at your wedding. Even though you think know they're just helping you out, believe me it is WORK and they won't get a chance to enjoy themselves. IMO It's really shitty that this friend asked your FH to be involved in his wedding party and now you're asking him to do a job for you. Jus sayin. I'd be really hurt if it were me.

Similar situation with me. My sister in law is very close to me but I can't have all three of them as part of the BP (i.e. my brother, my sister in law and my niece as flower girl). Ultimately, my brother comes first and I need one more flower girl. But she has her own decorating/event planning business (in addition to her other job) and she is very good at what she does. I would rather have her coordinate the wedding ceremony and any monitor the decorations, etc. than anyone else as she knows me, what I like and can put out fires easily. I don't plan on having her 'work' during the reception as (1) I am very organized (2) MOH is also there with me (3) I have a back-up friend if need be (4) the MC will have a timeline on when things need to be done(5) I have a bridal attendant who comes with the venue that arrange food, etc for bridal party while we get ready. I chose the ceremony period only as I can't cast an eye on the decorating, etc. while I am getting ready.

Thanks for all the opinions- we ended up deciding not to have any DOC after all. Between the church coordinator and the venue coordinator we have it all covered. The guy is going to be an usher and my FH is fine with it.

DO NOT ASK A FRIEND TO DO THIS. I am speaking from first hand experience, as the friend who was asked two weeks before the wedding, to be the coordinator. The groom is a dear friend from college. He wanted me to be in the wedding, but the bride (whom I barely knew) already had her bridesmaids lined up. He wrote me, on behalf of the both of them, a message saying how organized I was and that they trusted me. It was proposed that I was to help greet people, tell them where to go, make sure the wedding party walks out in the right order, etc. Sounded easy enough. I wanted to help out for the sake of my friend so I said yes. How naive I was. When I flew in for the wedding, I saw the program had my name printed as the coordinator. In my own naiveness, I didn't realize "etc." meant I was responsible for everything that a full blown, paid coordinator was responsible for. I showed up to the rehearsal and everyone, from the hired parking attendants, food servers, reverend, pianist, bridesmaid, parents of the bride, church coordinator, the A/V guy, came to me for everything. They thought I ran the show. And 95% of the questions people came to me with- I had no clue what to tell them. I didn't know the detailed plan of what the bride wanted. That info was never relayed to me. And when you tell them you don't know, and that you'll consult the bride, they give you a look like you have no idea what you are doing (which I didn't) and treat you like shit. To my defense, I was an out of town guest, not paid, and was not given any directions. And the bride's family were horrible, mean people. I know they were stressed, but I wish I got paid, like a professional, to deal with with stressed out people. It was a steep learning curve. The most heartbreaking thing for me was the fact that I wasn't able to sit down and see one of my best friend get married. I'm holding back tears just thinking about how I missed the loveliness of the ceremony, the kiss, the toast, etc. At the end of the day, I found out that the food server/parking attendants were friends WHO GOT PAID. I was like WTF? They had easy tasks and they were taking directions from me! and I got nothing!! I'm happy to have helped my friend in crisis on his special day, but I got the short end of the stick. If you are a couple that wants to ask a friend, DONT DO IT. Make it a priority to save up money to hire someone. But if you must, for whatever reason, you need to realize 1.) that your friends don't do this for a living so YOU are the one who needs to be proactive in telling them your plans, and write out in detail what you want your friend to be responsible for 2.) make it known to everyone that your coordinator is a friend who has volunteered to help, otherwise there will be no grace given to your poor friend who is busting their ass. If you are the friend who is being asked to coordinate, know this: if something goes wrong, no matter how big or small, you well be blamed for it. You will be blamed for everything. And you will not enjoy the wedding at all.

View Quoted Comment If you don’t mind me asking. How much money did you give your friend to coordinate your wedding?

As a relative of a bride who acted as impromptu coordinator, please do not do this. Anyone who works will not be able to enjoy the wedding at any point. An MC which is 100% optional, makes announcements: " here's the new bride and groom" , "cutting the cake now", etc. A coordinator makes sure everything is how it supposed to be to run smoothly behind the scenes so guests don't realize when a snafu occurs. They are constantly checking in to make sure vendors show up and are on the same page and running interference when those things don't happen. No guest needs to be in charge of that.


Go on Thumbtack.com and look for a day of coordinator. They don't have to be expensive for just the day but they are worth every penny. Cut back or skip something else you don't want/need to afford it if need be.

Having friends or family as DOC still deeply confuses me. I know that it's common, but I truly don't understand why you would want a person closest to you to take on the stress of your wedding day. If the event is over a certain size and there are moving parts, I think you need to prioritize a DOC of some kind in the budget.

I recently acted as a DOC for a wedding at the last minute because the friend who was supposed to be the DOC was exposed to Covid and couldn't come. It was a nightmare. I worked all day, and by the time my "shift" was over, I was so tired that I couldn't enjoy the rest of the wedding (just dancing at that point) and decided to just go to bed. I love the friend and I'll never tell her this, but her wedding day was a really terrible day for me.

View Quoted Comment Plus many venues require one who is licensed and insured like any other vendor.