Asking Father's Permission/Blessing?

My FH asked my dad's permission/blessing out of respect and as somewhat of a formality. Everyone already knew we were going to get married, and we'd made that choice as independent adults. And my parents already adored FH and were 100% on board with that anyway. But anyway, it was the way FH was raised, and the way I was raised, and it worked for us. Nobody in our equation mistook me for a piece of property or anything.

First time I got married, yes. I still lived at home, so it felt like a different situation. This time around, I told FH I wasn't comfortable with that. I've lived on my own and supported myself for years now. No permission or additional blessing needed. I also have different views in general.

Why is it always the father's blessing or permission anyways? "Tradition" is not a sufficient reason lol.

My FH asked my parents blessing more than permission. It's the way he was raised and also he knew that was important to me

Nope. I'm close with my family, but FH didn't even think about asking them. I am an adult and not someone's possession. I don't belong to my dad and I will not belong to FH after we get married. I wouldn't ask FH's parents for their permission because he is also an adult (and wouldn't that be considered bizarre since he's a man? Double standard much?). He treats me like an equal, not a possession.

Since you also asked for the 'why not' answer, here goes. DH did not because I think my dad, being a firm feminist, would have said, "She's a grown woman. I don't own her. You had my blessing right up till now, but it's her choice."

Everything Randi said.

Fh asked both my parents for their blessing and he also let my brothers know that he wanted to marry me. He did it because he knew it was important to me. It was more of a formality because my mom had given him my great great aunts ring a year before.

My dad died when I was 16, so that's a no.

But when my husband was my boyfriend, my mom died. As she was dying, he asked her for her permission/blessing. She nodded yes. We weren't ready to get engaged, but he did propose a year and a half later.

I have edited this to say permission/blessing. I really meant either, I think it is more often framed as "permission" with people my age group who are still in college, but I did not mean to be ageist in my post. =]

My FH really really wanted to ask my parents, which was fine. I just didn't know that was really a thing people did anymore. This post has proved me wrong.

My fiancé asked because it was really important for me and for him.

My DH did ask even though I kind of let him know I didn't need/want it. I actually always sort of viewed it as somehow diminishing my vote in it (even though he said he would have asked even if my dad said no). I guess partially because I am super close to my parents and always have been so I sort of wanted this bit to be 100% us and not involve them. My parents have always been involved to some extent in every choice in my life and I really wanted this to just be about him and I and to then announce it to them instead of asking first. It was important to him though so he did ask. He thought it was the respectful thing to do and I didn't really say "No, 100% don't talk to them first." I just would have preferred it.

Mine kind of did, lol. In Mexico the asking-for-permission/blessing is an actual event ("La Pedida", or "the asking") and it involves both families and a dinner party afterwards. But my dad was more interested in getting to know him than being asked for permission.

We did a two-part thing. DH met with my dad first. They talked about themselves, what they do, etc. Then we had a "La Pedida" dinner party with both families. DH didn't ask him for his blessing, but promised him he would be a good husband. My dad in turn asked his parents to "watch after me". He's fighting cancer and other health issues, so we all kind of knew what he really meant. DH's dad told him that they would guide us and always be there for us. It was really sweet.

No.

Mine did!

My FH asked my grandma for permission.

Mine didn't. I don't think asking means your FH thinks you're a piece of property or anything like that - I'm just not particularly close to my dad and we disagree on a lot so it didn't make sense for him to. My dad is super evangelical and actually does consider me to be "under his authority" until I get married, regardless of age, so we didn't really want to encourage that anyway.

@Ashley C: I agree, why just the father? In the Mexican version of this, both of the bride's parents are asked for their blessing.

My FH did by taking my dad to lunch with the ring to show how committed he was. My dad is a bit on the old fashioned side when it comes to marriage so while he gave his own thoughts he did approve

Not as far as I know, but it would of been rather pointless since we'd been living together for over 8 years by the time he proposed this year.

FH asked both of my parents for their blessing. It wasn't important to either of us, but I think it would have really hurt my dad's feelings if he wasn't asked.