Asking Father's Permission/Blessing?

FH didn't ask my father because my dad lives all the way in California and he hadn't met him before.

H did. It was something that we both felt was important. He took my dad out to breakfast, and it took him about 2 hours to work up the courage to bring it up, but he did. My dad knew it was coming, so when H asked, he quickly said "No!", waited for a minute as all the color drained from H's face, and then followed up with "only kidding!".

My FH would have asked my father, but my dad passed several years ago. He knows I don't have a very good relationship with my Mother, and an ok one with my step-father. As the 'Man of the House' my son will be giving me away... I think he asked my son for permission...

FH did not specifically ask. But they helped with the surprise since we were in Disney with them.

My FH asked my parents "permission" before asking me. I told him i wouldn't say yes if I didn't know if he did. It was important for me to know that my parents and sister liked and approved of him enough for him to join our family. My parents were thrilled and after asking his intentions and goals in life they felt they were similarly matched up to mine and that he would make me happy!

I definitely WANTED my FH to ask both of my parents. And he felt the same way. Out of respect for my parents, since I live with them, and out of respect for me, since I wanted my parents to be on board with us getting married before I said "yes!" To me, it shows true character when a man can stand up in front of the two people who have raised you, and asks to have your hand in marriage. Personally, I don't believe this is about being a "piece of property," but being a worthy woman, who deserves a man's effort.

DH did ask my parents because it was important to him. My parents were really impressed by this. And he didn't have to worry about my parents letting it slip they knew either. They knew that he had and the ring and planned to propose at some point three months ahead of time. I think it was a great show of respect to my parents because he knows what they mean to me.

Wow, I didn't realize this was still a thing. Question to all the brides who wanted their FHs to ask for permission first: what would have happened if your father or parents said no?

@VenetianBride - Good question. I wonder the same thing...

It was important to my fiancee that I talk to her father beforehand, but it was important to me to emphasize that I was seeking his blessing and not his permission; the only person who could grant me permission to marry his daughter was his daughter.

FH asked my dad and stepdad for their blessing more out of respect and formality than anything. I thought it was super sweet that he wanted to. Both already loved him and were expecting a proposal soon, but didn't quite expect him to ask since I had been out of the house for over 10 years.

@VenetianBride if my dad said no, I wouldn't have cared (we're not close). If my stepdad said no, I would have had to have a conversation with him about why (very close and his acceptance means a lot to me).

@VenetianBride My FH is a good guy and I'm happy. My parents would have no reason to say no. But to answer your question, I probably would have said yes anyway (after a discussion with my parents).

Nicola, I really like you, so please know I'm not meaning this snappily or as a jab at you. But is the tradition outdated and antiquated? Sure. Was it a special and treasured moment for several brides, their fathers, and their fiances anyway? Yes. Your comment reads (and forgive me if I'm taking it wrong, because I realize I could be) quite vehemently and almost disgustedly, and I just don't think that's quite fair to the brides who did choose to do it this way.

I think there are a HOST of reasons why it could be completely inappropriate given the situation, as multiple posts on this thread demonstrate. But for some, it just works, and I think it can be special and sweet if all parties are on the same page about the bride's identity and independence.

In answer to VenetianBride, I had already told my parents that this was the man I was going to marry, point blank. So in my situation, if my dad had said no, something would have been REALLY messed up. We were not waiting on permission; we were getting married. And my parents knew that. I'm blessed with good relationships with both my parents, though, and I realize that if that had not been the case, things would have been very different.

While I don't need permission to marry the man I love, it was very nice for DH to meet my dad and for them both to get to know each other before we were engaged. I am in my 30's and haven't lived with my dad since I was 17, but I still think his opinion is valuable. It made the engagement and wedding so much more special to know we had my dad's blessing! And it wasn't only my dad, but his parents and daughter as well!

@OriginalRandi - I don't think Nicola was being rude or disrespectful. In fact, I think your comment was more unfair than Nicola's. She didn't call out any posters. OP asked why and Nicola responded with her truth. She thinks it is outdated, antiquated and ridiculous. That is a reasonable opinion to have given the roots. Women were considered the property of their fathers and, once married, the property of their husbands. Nicola does not have to claim that this tradition is romantic when, at its core, it is not (IMO). You can consider this "special" or "sweet," but respect that others do not feel the same way.

MayBride, I appreciate your response, although I am surprised to find you consider my comment unfair. I completely agree that Nicola does not have to claim that the tradition is romantic; that's why I took care to state that I do completely understand why this kind of tradition could be absolutely unacceptable for a variety of different reasons. (ETA: although as I think about this, that was definitely not clear enough. Let me be clearer: all I mean is that every situation is incredibly unique. Those who do not care for the tradition are free to avoid it; those who think it's special are likewise free to uphold it.)

I do think that some of the words Nicola chose (i.e., calling it "the most ridiculous, antiquated tradition of them all") underscore an attitude of being at least slightly disgusted with those brides who did choose to uphold this tradition, which is the part I think unfair. However, as I said before, I realize that it is easy to misread things on the internet, especially when coming from a different paradigm.

I have a feeling we may just have to agree to disagree on this one, and that's ok.

ETA again - e.g., not i.e. ...it drives me crazy when people use the wrong one, and I just did. Lol. #formerenglishmajorproblems

I agree with everything Randi said.

H did ask both of my parents for their blessing and my hand out of respect and it was important to both of us. I am not my parents property by any means nor do I look to them for all my decisions. However, he asked because it was important to get both sides of the family's blessing as we went into our marriage.

I told my FH that I would be mad if he asked my parents for permission. First because I wanted it to me a surprise for me when he proposed (they would not have been able to keep the secret) and also just because I wanted everything to be just between us and not have other people know beforehand.

I also considder the tradition to be outdated and sort of sexist. Like others have previously posted I am not the property of my parents and I will not be the property of my FH. That's just the way I see it.

He did not ask for their permission or blessing. It doesn't sound like anybody on this thread thinks they are a piece of property lol. I like to keep an open mind about these types of things and it sounds like for those that did have their SO ask for the parent's blessing, it was a very special moment.