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Jacklyn
Savvy October 2022

Are we in the wrong?

Jacklyn, on September 27, 2021 at 9:26 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 103

My fiancé and I booked our venue for May 7, 2022, we recently have decided to push the wedding back to October 28, 2022. A fall wedding was our original plan but because we viewed our venue in spring it made us jump the gun on changing it from fall to spring. Due to certain circumstances besides not...
My fiancé and I booked our venue for May 7, 2022, we recently have decided to push the wedding back to October 28, 2022. A fall wedding was our original plan but because we viewed our venue in spring it made us jump the gun on changing it from fall to spring. Due to certain circumstances besides not really being happy with a Spring wedding we moved it to October, because of this decision his brother and his fiancé are now mad at us because it is 2 weeks before they’re wedding and are saying it interferes with their wedding. We see it as, it’s still in two different months, it will be two TOTAL different weddings, and the guests will still be focused about each couple on they’re actual wedding day. Are we that much in the wrong or is she kinda overreacting? I personally would not care if they were 2 weeks before or after my wedding, when it comes down to the actual day of it will still be about me and my fiancé on whatever day we choose.

103 Comments

  • Elri
    Dedicated September 2021
    Elri ·
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    This is a good distinction and yes, it’s probably a spill over of the term “it’s your day” to denote “it’s your decision” because it’s ok for you to decide because it should reflect your vision of what you want, rather than using “it’s your day” to denote that others need to respect your every decision even if it hurts others.
    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Ashley ·
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    Think about it from their perspective. Maybe they were forced to chose a fall wedding date because you chose a spring date? What’s the timing of when the venues were scheduled (i.e., when did you book the may 2022 date, when did you brother and fiancé pick their date, when did you chose to reschedule).


    I definitely agree with a lot of other people that it’s more about courtesy and an unspoken rule. I for sure 100% would be livid if I was on the receiving end of this and had a sibling reschedule their wedding so close to mine. I personally find it selfish, thoughtless, and rude, but that’s my opinion. But based on your response comments, it seems you already made up your mind and are just looking for validation on your choice as opposed to looking for actual advise. The ultimate test really would be to post on Reddit’s “Am I The Asshole.” You’ll get a lot of unbiased opinions as to opinions just from brides. I hope you get what you’re looking for.
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  • J
    Dedicated October 2021
    Janae ·
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    2 weeks is cutting it close just because they will still have last minute things to do for their own wedding. I understand why they would be bothered. Hopefully you guys can figure things out. An they will see its wasn't done maliciously. Good thing is you guys have plenty of time to plan.
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    Our date is 10/16, so I will be two weeks out on Saturday. I'm a convid bride (fully postponed from last year) and because of how everything worked out, we will have a wedding two weeks before ours. Am I excited for our friend's wedding. Absolutely. Am I stressed out of my mind knowing that I won't be able to take care of anything for my wedding this weekend. Absolutely. While I will definitely have a great time this weekend, I know I'll also be spending a lot of the time thinking about my own wedding and not giving the couple my full attention. Two weeks out is crunch time and you truly don't realize how crazy it will be until you're actually there. So yeah, I think I'd be pissed if my sibling put me in that position. Especially if they asked me first and then basically said that my opinion didn't matter.
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  • S
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Sasha ·
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    Honestly I think it is wrong. Your guests and theirs will overlap and it might cause less people to go to theirs. They had their date first. I would never do that to a sibling. It seems pretty rude.

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  • Jaimie
    Savvy October 2021
    Jaimie ·
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    I think 2 weeks is a little close IMO. I feel like it kind of takes the attention and excitement from them. It could also mean less people come to one of the weddings if you have a lot of the same guests invited.
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  • K
    Savvy October 2021
    Krista ·
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    Okay I understand the whole, "it's your day", trust me, I'm doing some pretty non-traditional things for my wedding with a similar attitude. But a baby shower does not have a rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party and bridal shower leading up to it, and it certainly doesn't require anywhere near the level of coordination and logistics that a wedding does. The contribution from parents and family is much, much greater for a wedding.

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  • K
    Savvy October 2021
    Krista ·
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    This might be controversial but I'm going to say it anyways lol, I 100% agree with most of you that it was inconsiderate to not speak with the brother prior to changing the date that close.

    However... pandemic lol. There is nearly twice the amount of brides trying to get married in the upcoming year(s). Most venues I looked at didn't have weekend availability until 2023. I absolutely believe in being considerate of your guests, but these are different times and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. For myself, I'm getting married on a Wednesday at 4:30pm, and about 5-10% of my guest list are out-of-towners. But I chose to have the weekday wedding because the reality is, I'm Christian and not sleeping with, living with or reproducing with my fiancé prior to marriage. So I'm not delaying starting our life together by another 1-2 years just so people don't have to leave work early on a weekday. Whoever can come, comes (which so far most are). Whoever can't, I'm not offended or losing sleep over it. Frankly, I'll save exactly $160 per decline lol

    So I agree the OP should've gone about this differently, but if she can't afford her original wedding date, then she had no choice but to change it. And unfortunately, the current state of the wedding industry did not give her many options.

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    Wrong? No. A little inconsiderate, probably. With weddings that close and overlapping guests it could effect who attends what even if they're not from out of town. Fall is a busy time for birthdays AND weddings given that *Christmas* *New Year* and *Valentine's Day* are 9-10 months before, know what I mean? So even if they're two weeks apart you've got to take that into consideration as well, what other events, birthdays and whatnot are going on that would impact overlapping guests? For my family fall months are SLAMMED. Just this weekend we went to two birthday parties and a wedding. As a woman I'd have taken things like will my guests be wedding burnt out with two weddings in two weeks (cards, clothes, and gifts...). Then you've got to consider the fact that when your new brother in law's bride is walking down the aisle people who went to your wedding absolutely will be comparing the two. Because that's just how people are. And I realize everyone gets their one day. So that's why I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just not thoughtful.

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  • N
    NewEnglandSettler ·
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    Not sure if you're looking for any more perspective, but here goes....

    I would consider that your future husband's brother and girlfriend's anger/concern has more to do with the burden it places on others vs. any focus taken off them. Your family/side will attend 1 wedding in question - your FH and brothers' family will be attending 2. With this comes the potential for double the dates for bridal showers, rehersal dinners, bachelor parties, $$ for outfits, $$ for gifts, need for time off from work etc...

    No matter how little you feel your FH's mother need be invoved, it's still a burden in many ways and I'd personally be pissed more about someone doing that to my mother than any concern about losing any "spotlight"...

    You're also putting more on the other bride's plate by your own admission. She now has to take things in consideration that she would not have had to bother with - such as the coordination of shower dates, invite lists etc....

    You say you had other dates that were offered, but did what's best for you. Your choice of course - but before trying to portray the other couple as being selfish or angry because you think they feel that it takes away from "their day" - realize that many people involved are going to feel that you and yours are the couple who disregarded everyone else just so you can have "your" day.

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  • Sylvana
    Devoted August 2021
    Sylvana ·
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    This.


    I'm confident that the only one who will appear selfish/inconsiderate in this situation is the OP.
    To compare a wedding to having a baby is ridiculous. They are not the same. Many who get pregnant did not specifically plan on getting pregnant on an exact date. There are no "save the birth date" cards that are sent a year early. A wedding on the other hand is planned. The date selected. People notified so that they keep their schedule clear.
    The OP had their date. Their soon to be brother and sister in laws did too. OP - you decided to move your date to your new one. Regardless of whether that was the only date available, it still comes across as rude that you would select a date so close to someone who is immediate family. You didn't consider anyone on your fiances side and the fact that they now have 2 weddings within 2 weeks to attend. I honestly would hate being in that situation as a guest. It's just too much work and money to hire a sitter, buy attire, travel, gifts, etc. I honestly think you are the one who looks bad in this situation.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    The timing of this all also came to my mind! OP, how long were you perfectly content with your spring date before deciding you needed a fall date? Were fall dates not available when you originally booked your wedding? How long after your fiancé’s brother and his fiancée booked their fall wedding did you decide to change your date? How would you feel if suddenly their date was two weeks before yours?
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  • J
    Dedicated July 2024
    Janica ·
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    Hello you are right it’s about you and your fiancé and shouldn’t be a problem if it different months.Stay with y’all day for marriage
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Perfectly worded.
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated July 2022
    Brianna ·
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    I see both sides. Weddings are special and I do feel like with your wedding it’s okay to be selfish! It’s for you and it’s your day! So you wanting a fall weddings and changing the date is what you wanted for your special day! I can’t say I wouldn’t be a bit annoyed knowing someone changed the date of their wedding close to mines. I wasn’t even engaged when someone that was close to use got married near our anniversary lol I know it sounds stupid but sometimes you can’t help it. Just explain to them that it wasn’t on purpose cause it may feel like that. It could also be wanting the family to be at their wedding too without been annoyed with two weddings so close. See if you can talk to them to easy the frustration.
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  • Amanda
    Dedicated September 2022
    Amanda ·
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    You are not in the wrong if there’s no travel overlap required for guests for to both weddings. Each day is your own and has no impact on the other. I think the other bride is being a bit of a diva in my opinion. lol


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  • Haley
    Just Said Yes November 2023
    Haley ·
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    You can look at it two different ways
    On your side, you may have legitimately changed it to what season you two really want, and it can be a time to bond and share advice with one another
    On their side, they may view it as you trying to take the spotlight.. or maybe they just want to have their own moment to enjoy and celebrate
    Try to put yourself in their shoes and see how it would make you feel. Hope everything works out and that you both have wonderful weddings! ❤️
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  • Breyana
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Breyana ·
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    Coming from someone who had the same vision, a fall wedding is what I always wanted . But we decided on a spring wedding on the same exact date as you guys too . At the end of the day it’s all about what you guys want so I understand where you’re coming from but it can interfere with theirs being 2 weeks before . 2 weeks before my own wedding I don’t think I would be able to attending any other weddings and such for financial reasoning . Trying to get things together , buying extra outfits and all of the above . I think it may just cause to much stress on them .
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  • E
    Devoted February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    You're not in the wrong. as long as it's not the same weekend I think it's really dumb when people get so caught up thinking they "own" a certain amount of time around their wedding.

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  • T
    Beginner July 2022
    Tertulien ·
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    They need to get over themselves! It’s not that serious! Like you said it’s two totally different weddings
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