Are we in the wrong?

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100% agree with this! My FH and I were planning our wedding while FH's Sister was rescheduling hers, we had a conversation about how far apart the weddings should be so that we all felt comfortable with the timeline.

I do think it is pretty rude to pick 2 weeks before their date. In my family and social circle that would cause a lot of heartache and as a bride I would be super pissed if my SIL decided to move her wedding to two weeks before/after mine without talking to us first.

I think this would have easily been solved if you had just talked with them first.

If you can, you should talk to them about how far apart they think it should be and find a compromise and move your date.

Lastly, just remember that if they're upset now that they will continue to be upset about it up until and possibly after the wedding. That's not something I would want to deal with in my family.

My brother’s wedding was 6 weeks after ours, which was a very comfortable amount of time apart. I had no issues when they chose it and I loved simultaneous planning (bouncing ideas off eachother, sharing decor, etc). 2 weeks, however, would bother me, and not for limelight stuff (it’s plenty of time to shift the spotlight), and not even entirely for the burden on guests (to me that’s a lot of spending on gifts/attire/etc within a single paycheck cycle/credit card cycle), but, the REAL issue in my eyes, is if I have the second wedding 2 weeks away, I can’t enjoy the first wedding. The weeks leading up to the wedding are a stressful, busy time. There’s a lot of last minute coordination stuff (venue meetings and walk through, final fittings and picking up clothes, finishing up decor and shopping — we had a whole weekend booked solid with vendor meetings , and with our upcoming wedding, no real wiggle room to take extra time off work to deal with these tasks outside of weekend time). So, it would’ve been crazy stressful to me to lose that time— if it were just a friend’s wedding, it’s probably fine to come for the wedding, not go crazy, and not lose the entire weekend, but when it’s a sibling, there’s way more expectation and family commitment — things like a rehearsal dinner, maybe getting ready time/pictures, maybe a day after breakfast, relatives in town , it turns into a whole weekend affair. I wouldn’t want to have to miss out on that, but it also might be necessary for me to miss out, a bit of a lose lose for me. So that’s the part I would really have an issue with, if i was the sibling.

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I agree with all of this. My cousin recently got engaged, almost a year after we did, and her wedding is now planned to be 1-2 weeks before us. While I understand we can have our own days and it's not going to be a huge deal, I personally wouldn't have chosen a date so close to another family member's wedding. It's just courteous to give the couple a buffer zone to allow guests to travel and look at finances between.

While I don't think you're necessarily wrong because yes, you get one day and they get one day, unless you talked to them beforehand I think it's a bit inconsiderate. Families can get very involved in wedding planning, so that now puts more work in a short amount of time on his parents and everyone involved. And I would guess the brother planned their wedding date based off your original one to space them apart.

So are you in the wrong? no. Should you have considered more details and logistics? probably. For me, a season isn't worth the hassle of changing my date, but to each their own.

View Quoted Comment It wasn’t just season that has to deal with the change, like I said other circumstances and to add to that financial issues as well. Because of that I booked what the venue had and I’m not pushing my wedding back another year. We didn’t say anything to anyone because we wanted to make sure all vendors had the same date available, it wouldn’t have been worth saying anything to anyone if we wasn’t allowed to change the date.

View Quoted Comment You came on here asking for people’s opinions and you’re arguing with those being honest in saying they think you weren’t 100% right in your decision. You asked AITA and got about 50/50 yes/no. Take with that what you will. You obviously have your mind made up and are looking for people to justify your decision.

View Quoted Comment Take it as you will, because I didn’t come on here to do that and I’m not arguing. Im simply stating the thinking process we went through since I didn’t state it in the original post and because some people keep bringing it up I thought there wasn’t an issue with stating why we decided to change it. I don’t need my decision to be justified especially to strangers, did I want advice yes, maybe we should have said something to them before making the decision on asking the venue if we could change it but we did what we thought was best.

One of my fiancé’s best friends announced that they were getting married two weeks before us. It didn’t bother me at all besides the fact that they asked us to be in the bridal party and I just couldn’t commit to that 100% but we still tried our best. I would say if all of the family is coming out for wedding #1, then they all have to come out again for wedding #2, some may feel like that’s cumbersome, but you know your crowd better than we do. If you don’t care about these things, then go for it. If you want to feel like your event is truly separate from your brother’s, then maybe pick a different date.

Have your wedding. She is overreacting and you have different friends. Your wedding is your day. If you start thinking about people and their opinions and reaction, your day becomes about them. I am learning this and now I don't care. We are paying for this wedding. Have your wedding day in October and enjoy it. She will enjoy hers when the 2wks rolls around.

View Quoted Comment We truly do not care because we know the weddings themselves will be totally different because of our personalities. With that being said we may not care and still think it will be separate from their day, they don’t think it’ll be separate like we do. Definitely something I will remember when we talk to them!

View Quoted Comment This is exactly how I feel and see things!

Are there any other dates that you can choose that the venue has available?

I’m just asking bc im curious if the 2 weeks before theirs was the only fall date available.

View Quoted Comment The dates they do have available besides the one we went with was Black Friday and in December. We definitely don’t want Black Friday lol and December already has so much going on already. We did consider doing 2023 but that’s just not what we wanted to do, we didn’t want to wait even longer.

View Quoted Comment It was besides the Black Friday date

I’m not insinuating that you are this way at all, but I would just caution you to be mindful of how you talk to your brother’s fiancée in those 2 weeks after your wedding and before hers. I am currently in that two weeks and I’m constantly hearing about “how great married life is” from my friend who got married two weeks before us. My fiancé and I have a home and have been living together for a long time; I think we have a good idea about how married life is (and we aren’t virgins lol). So I would just keep these types of comments to yourself IF you feel inclined to make them lol just so the bride doesn’t feel bad!! I just offer this advice since it frankly is a tight turn around for 2 weddings within the same family; but of course you definitely do it!

View Quoted Comment Yikes, yeah 2022 venues are probably so booked up! You are lucky you found an available October date a year out haha!

View Quoted Comment You could always explain to family that may come to you with an issue about it being 2 weeks before that many venues have very limited availability due to the many weddings that are being rescheduled for 2022.

View Quoted Comment I’m definitely already trying to be careful what I say to her because I know she’s mad so I don’t want to make things worse. We all talked once over the weekend but we’re giving them time then we’re all gonna sit down and talk about the situation again, but I’m definitely letting my fiancé handle most of it since it his brother. But when those two weeks come up I’m definitely gonna be careful what I say again lol and make sure she knows it’s about her day

View Quoted Comment That’s what we’ve tried to do so far with them two and it just doesn’t seem like they’re understanding. We definitely kept considering them, they’re feelings, and how they would react because we wanted to see it from they’re point and we do but it seems like they are also not understanding it from ours either and I understand why they don’t and maybe as time goes on and they calm down some they will. But they do have a right to be upset I’m definitely not dismissing that