Are we in the wrong?

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"I know 2 weeks before my wedding was crunch time and I was super busy with last minute details. I don't know that I would have had the time to go to a wedding on top of that"

Yup, let alone for a close family member/be in the wedding in any capacity. I stayed with my in laws for the 2 weeks before my BIL's wedding and they were completely strung out with stuff to do and last minute details, and when it was over, they both wanted several days off to decompress and recover before they started trying to think about ours. When's her BIL going to have a bachelor party, presumably with her FH? A week before OP's wedding? Two weeks? When's SIL going to have a bridal shower?

It's one thing if it's people you don't know well, but your VIPs are a different story. Just my experience from my own wedding. I wish we had more than 7 weeks between us.

View Quoted Comment 10/28 is to close but 11/5 would be right top of their date then. September wasn’t an option, AGAIN we went with a date that the venue offered and went with the package we already paid for. I don’t need validation from anyone of y’all if I disagreed it’s because I personally feel like it is inconsiderate and selfish for anyone to decide, say, or dictate when a wedding is to close or not and when it should be moved too. And AGAIN I have said we were obviously wrong to not to talk them while talking to the vendors for available dates. If i didn’t care about the family feelings then we wouldn’t have even told them, wouldn’t be trying to resolve the situation and told them months down the road.

View Quoted Comment I agree. Sorry but I do feel like it’s a little bit too close together and I mean for my own sanity. If two of my children were planning weddings that were only two weeks apart I honestly wouldn’t love it and I feel like I might not be able to give both events my full attention and time.

View Quoted Comment Really appreciate this from a mother’s point of view! We talked to his mom and wanted to know how she felt and her opinion of it but she didn’t really tell us much except that we should have stuck with our later date in the first place instead of moving it up to May just for us to be move it back to October and he needed to talk to his brother.

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You misunderstood what I meant with the dates...one of you would choose 9/25, for example, and the other would choose 11/5, for example, such that there were 6+ weeks between the weddings. You would have done this when you first started planning.

Gently, you say you were wrong to not talk to them while talking to vendors for dates, yet you have repeatedly and emphatically said it's rude, selfish, inconsiderate for a couple to say that another wedding is too close. So if you *had* talked to them, and asked if 10/28 was okay, and they said no - then what? Would it actually have made any difference?

You keep saying it was the only date available but you had a date already booked and confirmed. You chose to move it to the *only other day available* which happened to be 2 weeks before their wedding. You 100% had an option and you chose to reschedule to the date inconveniencing others.

View Quoted Comment Yeah we did, and when we decided we needed it to push it back we asked what other dates were available that were not in November which is there wedding month or December. Sorry the venue got booked up pretty fast and we decided we needed more time than the next 8 months.

View Quoted Comment Yeah it’s sort of a tough situation. Honestly I think that you were pretty lucky to be able to get a date in October next year with so many people having to postpone and I completely understand not wanting to wait another year too. I would just hate as a parent to have to miss something from the planning/celebrating my kids’ weddings because I was having to divide my time between the two weddings but I’m sure that it could be worked out.

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How can you say that you didn't want to be in their wedding month, but you believe that 2 weeks apart isn't too soon, even if it's in a different month? If you can dictate that you can't be in their month that's doing the same as others telling you that two weeks, no matter what month they're in, is too soon.

While I agree that yes, two weeks is pretty close for sibling weddings, you guys will both have your day and everything will be fine. Hopefully you're able to at least take some things away from this and understand that because you guys made this decision there's going to be more stress in some places that wouldn't be there had you kept your original date.

I personally think she is being very selfish. She doesn't owe the month or year. It is what you want for your wedding. Don't please other people about the wedding date. If she wants to be upset about it then let her. Now if it was the same day, she would have every right to be mad, but again she cannot control you or your wedding.

You were inconsiderate in planning the wedding so close to theirs without checking to see how they would feel about that, particularly because they are family. I can understand how they reacted.

I think as long as you both keep everything separate (bridal showers, Bach party, etc.), everyone wins. It could be inconvenient for out of town guests, but that’s on them also. You deserve to have your wedding when YOU want it.

I understand what I’m about to say will cause some controversy. And I don’t mean to say that the original author of this thread has said this or has claimed this but where does the “my day” mentality come from? I just don’t understand why certain people feel you get immunity from taking the needs of others into account when it comes to planning your Wedding. Is it ok to throw social etiquette out the window because it’s “your day”? I admire the author of this thread to gain a better understanding of the situation and while I don’t feel she acted in malice, I imagine she must have known it might cause some controversy by changing the date, but that’s not even my point. My point is why is it ok to blame any kind of lack of courtesy for others just because it’s “your day”? Do we reserve the right to disregard the feelings of others because it’s “your day”? I’m interested in hearing respectful responses. I’d like to understand better is all…

Girl they are tripping, I think they are being unreasonable. It’s not in the same week, it’s ok. If you are her got pregnant with due date 2 weeks apart you wouldn’t say no you can’t have your baby shower this close to mine or no your baby can’t be born two weeks from my baby. If one of her friends or a cousin were getting married during that time it wouldn’t be an issue. They need to get over it. Is your Day!!!

View Quoted Comment Yes, I love this!

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Yep, this.

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Of course you do, it's exactly what you want to hear. Baby showers are a whole different matter than weddings. And sure, it's "your day." But two weeks later it will be your SIL's day. Here's hoping all goes well for her day, too, regardless of all the potential issues mentioned in this thread. She's family, and you will have to interact with her for the rest of your life. Starting off that relationship by totally disregarding her feelings is a great way to ruin family dynamics forever.

View Quoted Comment Exactly two weeks later it’ll be HER day, it’ll be all about her. If I disregarded their feelings we wouldn’t have said anything to them

I think it depends on certain aspects of the weddings. Are a large majority of your guests coming from out of town for either wedding? If travel is limited than I think it's no big deal because you're not putting a lot of extra expense on either set of guests with travel/accommodations, etc. If there is a significant number that will need to travel than I personally would hold off. My fiance and I have pushed our wedding twice now, first because both of my siblings decided to get married the year we were and one was 2 months before, but all overlapping guests had to travel to all three and then because of covid. We are now nearing our date and while it wasn't when we originally planned it's still going to be special. Pushing it to accommodate your guests and have those you want at your wedding without putting a lot on them can be beneficial. Either way, do what works best, it's your day and it should be just as special as hers will be.

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Honestly, I never thought in depth about this before and I'm so glad you brought it up!

I think the "my day" mentality stems from the smaller aspects of weddings. For example, my mom tried to argue with me about flowers even though I am paying for flowers and they don't really concern her other than her corsage. So for a detail like that I would use the "it's my day" "excuse". But I think throughout the years people took that excuse and used it for every single aspect of the wedding. As far as guest comfort, especially VIPs (such as the example in the author's post here) I don't think "my day" is a valid reason to disregard other people's opinions and feelings.