Are we in the wrong?

View Quoted Comment And hopefully she’s just as supportive towards you! It really can be magical for you both if the bitterness is put aside. It is hard to process those emotions sometimes though, so I think giving them some space is a good idea.

I don't think you're wrong for wanting to change your wedding date. it's not like you did it to spite anyone or anything

I wouldn’t be happy if someone in my family did this to me, especially if they decided to move the date and already had one before. You can do whatever you want but they also have a right to feel however they want about it.


My wedding happened to fall 2 weeks before my fiancé’s cousins wedding, but we do not have overlapping guest lists minus a few people in myfiancé’s family. I specifically booked Labor day weekend since ours is a destination wedding and I wanted people to have an extra day for travel.

View Quoted Comment Have to make do with what dates the venue has available🤷🏼‍♀️ They do have a right to be mad and we’re not dismissing that but like someone else said on here it is kinda selfish for someone to decide when weddings are to close and say we need to move it again. I’ll definitely be considering what everyone has said on here when we do end up talking to them about the situation.

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You asked for opinions and advice and I answered. If you think your reasonings are valid why come on here to ask?

What's done is done. You've already changed it, like I said you're not wrong for that. But they are not wrong for how they feel. All I can advise to you is to be sensitive around the topic with them and don't compare the 2 weddings, and it seems like you are not which is good.

View Quoted Comment Maybe we should have talked to them before talking to the venue or at least during the whole process instead of after. But talking to them about how far apart they think would be appropriate for us to move our wedding is something I’m not going to do because they aren’t paying for it. And I’m not trying to sound rude and I know that’s probably how it came off but when the venue only had a few dates to pick from we picked what they had.

View Quoted Comment I was clearly just stating why we changed it and not just for a season change because you had made a comment about that. I’m not here justifying my reasonings, I asked for advice so when we do go to talk to them to resolve the situation I can consider what everyone has said. In several things I have stated I should have considered talking to them before the venue. I’m not sure why several of y’all have an issue on why I came on here to ask for advice and how I reply to some of the comments just because I’m stating on why we changed it and a few other things to bring light to the situation. I never said they are wrong for how they feel and we certainly aren’t dismissing how they feel especially since we tried to see it from their point and understand

View Quoted Comment Family situations are tough, especially when it comes to weddings and other big life events. I get that you probably just didn't think they'd be upset about it. If you really aren't going to take your family's feelings into consideration about this, I hope they are forgiving and yall are all able to move on after the weddings and still have decent relationships if you want them

View Quoted Comment I told both of them and said in a few comments we have considered they’re feelings but it’s not just about making them happy as well. And again we picked what the venue has available. Hopefully when we all sit down to resolve the situation things will eventually get better because we know it will take some time and not be back to good right off the bat.

They probably feel like you are stealing their thunder and their wedding won't feel as special since it falls right after yours. I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but I set my date 2 months before my good friend's wedding date, and I feel like she was kinda mad. My FH said she was mad because she was comparing our planning progress to theirs. But I just don't compare people that way so it wouldn't occur to me to have a conversation about it. So I don't blame you for focusing on your wedding. You really can't plan your life around everybody.

Out of curiosity, did you plan your Spring date before they planned their Fall date? Is it possible that they chose Fall because you chose Spring? Maybe they considered all the things people are mentioning, giving a buffer, allowing time in between for family and friends to attend both, etc. If you changed to a Fall date under those circumstances, I could understand why they are upset.

View Quoted Comment If your fiance felt that his brother proposing shortly after you guys got engaged as stealing the limelight, I'm surprised he would be totally ok with rescheduling his wedding 2 weeks earlier.
Sure, it's not technically "wrong", it is still a little rude. Especially if she was originally a 2020 bride who postponed. Personally, I would be pissed if my sister did that. I understand you have your reasons but you asked for opinions, so there's mine.
Your soon to be brother and sister in law probably think the entire time leading up to their wedding will now be about you and your fiance since your wedding is scheduled first. This all comes across as petty. Also, will you be able to attend their wedding or will you be away on your honeymoon? Will they be able to attend yours? I know 2 weeks before my wedding was crunch time and I was super busy with last minute details. I don't know that I would have had the time to go to a wedding on top of that.

I wouldn't do that. It's not horrible, but I just find it a bit rude. I would be a little annoyed.

Yeah, you're in the wrong. Though having read all of these comments, you don't really seem to want to hear that.

Like others have said, you had a date, that they may have planned around, and then you changed that date to be two weeks before the groom's brother's wedding. Have you thought about what this means for overlapping bachelor parties, bridal showers, the strain it may put on your in-laws' attention and finances? You're having a wedding in the same season, are you prepared to coordinate with your SIL to make sure you don't have the same bridesmaid dresses, decor, whatever else (because even if you don't care, she might)?

And if your fiance was already upset about the proposal spotlight being stolen, how will he feel about essentially having a double wedding and having to share the spotlight with his brother again? Because trust me, you DO feel like you're on an assembly line.

We moved our wedding to seven weeks after my BIL's wedding - which we had no choice but to do, because covid - and even that felt really close. I had to deal with not stepping on my SIL's toes with my bridal shower, my in laws didn't want to plan anything for our wedding until after they got through and decompressed from the other one - which led to a huge fight about the rehearsal dinner the week of the wedding - and it was a strain on them to pay for two rehearsal dinners and two weddings' worth of alcohol in a couple of weeks.

But even without all that, the optics of having a date and changing it to be so close to the bride or groom's brother just comes across as a huge power play. They only have two weeks of excitement "for them". That's really not fair.

I don’t think you’re in the wrong! Two totally different months, different guests, dresses, and decorations. I would keep the date, but explain to them how you are feeling and why!

View Quoted Comment I do not care if you tell me if I’m wrong or if I’m right, didn’t really know what else to title this post, but I DID want advice on the situation AND when we go to talk to them about the situation I have ALOT to consider from whatever everyone has told me, both how I’m in the wrong and in the right. The decor won’t be anything similar I already know that for a fact because we have two different personalities, our colors definitely aren’t the same, and for the bridesmaid dresses I guess it depends on how her girls feel comfortable in whatever they pick regardless if they are the same as mine or not because all of my bridesmaids have a different style. Did you read all the comments are just a few? Because if you did than you would have known that we picked a date that worked best for us, all of vendors, and because they venue had LIMITED dates. My fiancé obviously also wanted it to be moved back to fall so I don’t think he’s worried about dealing with a “double wedding”. I personally don’t think they planned their date around our first date because the girl loves fall so even if we did plan for October first I’m sure she would have still wanted in November and honestly I would NOT care if she planned it to be after us or so close because my fiancé and I are still going to have our day that’s about us. For planning bridal showers and bachelorette/bachelor party I guess that would be figured out when the time gets closer. The only thing my future MIL has to plan is a rehearsal dinner for me and my fiancé which is going to be super easy to do for us, I have no idea what his brother wants her to do so that would be on them. And if she didn’t want to help us that would be perfectly fine with me and him if it meant it being easier on her. We have a plan for a lot things and is why we pushed it back a year for finance reasons so everyone has more time to save. So you and the others can quote this and say how I’m set on my decision, don’t know why I came on here to ask for advice, doesn’t like any of the answers that say I’m wrong, but that truth of the matter is I don’t care if anyone says I’m wrong or right, it’s the fact that a lot of people have opened my eyes and did make me realize We didn’t consider everything like we thought we did and we have a lot to bring up to them when we have a conversation. Also, this has nothing to do as a “power play” or anything like that.

View Quoted Comment I get that but I find it a bit rude that another bride can decide or dictate when weddings are to close together. A lot of people have made me rethink a lot, brought up a lot of valid points, and things I’m definitely going to bring up to her when we talk and I appreciate those.

I think the main issue here really isn’t whether any of us think what you did was “right” or “wrong”…our opinions don’t matter. The only opinions that matter are those of your FBIL and FSIL… and THEY clearly think your decisions/actions were inconsiderate. Unfortunately, you didn’t first seek the opinions and feelings of the people whose wedding experience you were impacting by choosing to move the date of your wedding to one right before theirs. And now you are having to deal with the ramifications of it. I know some of the comments have been a bit harsh, but hopefully you have been able to look past the delivery of them and see the core message- that even though you didn’t mean any harm by it, most couples are going to be upset when one of their friends or family members schedules/rescheduled their wedding that close to theirs. Weddings are a ton of work, and most people want their moment to shine (without having to share the spotlight). Hopefully now that you can see it’s not just FSIL & FBIL being overly sensitive or dramatic, you will be able to proceed with compassion and a better understanding of where they are coming from.
Hopefully y’all can come up with a solution that makes everybody happy!

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Girl, nothing in your original post said anything about how to approach them. You literally asked "Are we that much in the wrong or is she kinda overreacting?" not in the title but in the body of the post. This whole thing about "how to approach them" only came about after people started giving you shade, and calling you out for being defensive.

I read every single one of the comments. Two weeks is too close. Your SIL and BIL have every right to be upset. If you wanted a fall wedding, you should have chosen your date first. Instead you switch it to be right before theirs, and it LOOKS like a power play/you're trying to steal the spotlight. You can deny it alllllll you want but it still comes across icky even if that wasn't your intent.

And unless you and SIL have compared notes, you don't actually know what the colors/decor she'll pick. My SIL and I have the exact same favorite color but she went with jewel tones for her wedding, and y'all are still getting married in the same season.

No, you worded it right for what you were asking. You did do what was best for YOU, and completely ignored your BIL and SIL's thoughts and feelings in the process. They got (understandably) angry, so you came to the internet for validation, and we are (mostly) siding with them and you're not happy with us now either.

Your BIL and SIL didn't do anything wrong. I don't know what kind of conversation you're going to have with them that doesn't include an apology from you.

If you/FH and BIL/SIL both insisted on a fall wedding, the thing to do would have been to communicate that before either of you booked dates, and tried to find dates on "either end" of the fall, like 9/24 and 11/5 or something. At least try to care about the feelings of the family you're marrying into. That's all.