Alcohol at wedding

Natalie and Samantha, I see that you're both new here. One thing we alway advise is to lurk around at the beginning to learn about wedding etiquette, which is quite a different type of situation than most are used to. It would also help us to change up your avatars so we can get to know you. If you need help with that, let one of us know.

Samantha, I stand by my advice. You're coming in hot here for someone who has been lurking for any length of time.

Your avatar is a double ring. That is associated with spam posters. Mine is identifiable.

@Samantha The purpose of lurking is important because those of us who use the forums daily see this question every day multiple times of day. Also, to host a wedding you need to understand wedding etiquette. Whether you get that from a traditional wedding etiquette book or from people on the internet is up to you. However, if you don't understand it you'll find that people remember your wedding for all the wrong reasons.

The wedding reception is planned for the guests. Every bride with a room full of guests has her very bright, milestone moment in the spotlight, right? A high priced photographer is capturing all of it. It's called crossing the threshold and being treated as royalty as guests -- from youngest to oldest -- rise to their feet and face the lady of the day -- all in the bride's honor. It was called a ceremony.

Now, your guests want to celebrate, and you're the host of the celebration. How do you want to host it? If you have such an averse opinion to alcohol served to all those who stood to their feet when you walked the aisle, such dark suspicions about their motives, and if you are so concerned about the raging drunks who will surely decimate your wedding with their out of control behavior -- host a dry wedding. It's not an etiquette fail, but you're likely to experience what many brides who attempt to host a four hour coffee social after a meal experience. A sweet kiss on the cheek, and a "Oh, you look beautiful. Where are you honeymooning? Dinner was just delicious, and I wish we could stay, but we really have to get on the road. Goodnight."

@Jess @jacks. Thanks for your concern ladies.

Well... this went from bad to worse very quickly. Let's all take a step back and take deep breaths and realize we are all strangers on the internet. Nothing should be taken personally, nor should anything be said personally.

Rachel, the posts that have violated community guidelines have been addressed up until now I think. We should be fine!

If you have concerns about any personal attacks, please contact one of the mods with the thread and posts that you're worried about. If you need the contact information let us know.

If you can't afford to have the alcohol paid for out of your budget, your guest list is too big. Your guests should not even need to bring money into your venue.

If the venue won't do a per-person package, then do by consumption. They can notify you as they hit certain dollar benchmarks.

And for all of the self-righteous, with the delusions of grandeur such that they believe their bridal tiara gives them the power to police an adult's alcohol consumption... Take several seats, because not only is it rude not to host your guests properly, it is blatantly disrespectful to say, in a passive-aggressive way, that they should really lay off the sauce. "Here. Use these tickets, then switch to water."

I'm going to clarify that I'm guessing that Richard meant Rachel who asked us all to take a step back and not Rachel Centerpiece, lol. Two Rachels posted in a row there.

Whenever I am about to say or post anything (in person or online) I try to ask myself "would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?" and almost always I would rather be kind. You aren't going to change anybody's opinions overnight on a public forum (this past election taught me that! lol). Just something to think about. Night. I'm peace-ing out!

ETA: Can't blame a girl for trying

Rachel, if we were all "kind" there would all sorts of nonsense going on here. I'd personally rather be "right". When I really try, I can be both.

@Rachel I won't be kind when someone is insulting my work ethic and my family. I have worked so hard for where I am in life and my sad little wedding budget. My FH and I have put off quite a bit to afford this wedding and the paperwork to come after the wedding. I struggled with alcohol budget but worked my rear end off to have a properly hosted wedding.

@Jess's Girl I wish I could give you all of the likes!

Thank you for pointing that our, Jacks.

This went too far: "Unlike some people, others don't get everything handed to them and actually have to oh, I don't know, pay for their own stuff and work hard to get the money to do that." As usual, the truth rises to the top.

You, Natalie, just personally offended me. My son is getting married in one month, and he and his beloved have worked -- long hours, many hours, many weekends, many holidays, and quite a few vacation weeks for almost two years, and they've pushed back their wedding date -- to properly host their guests -- including an open bar and six table-side menu options -- because nobody handed them anything (and what his father and I give him as a gift has nothing to do with his hosting -- and the same thing goes for my FDIL and her parents. Whatever they receive from the four of us is a gift, and up to us. THEY are hosting their guest list with money they've saved, and they made it very clear from the day they decided to host a family/friends wedding as opposed to a courthouse ceremony, that, "This is our party, and we're paying for it.").

Yeah, I tried to intervene when I saw how that was going. I think Natalie offended a few people.

Yes that is fine.

TBH. Every wedding I have been to has been cash bar. And I didn't mind paying for my drinks. ... my wedding venue doesn't have an open bar option. So I will be having a cash bar. More like. My venue has a bar, and I have to pay for a bartender to be there and people pay for their own drinks. They don't even allow my caterer to bring any drinks(water,soda,punch) so everyone will be having to get they're drinks at the bar. I'm glad They do give me an option of paying for the total of soft drinks at the end of our wedding though. I guess that is a way of them making they're money. Other then what we are already paying.

Melissa, why can you not do a consumption bar? Instead of having guests pay, the bartender keeps track of drinks served and you pay the bill at the end, plus tip? I've heard people here think that their venue won't allow an "open bar", but it doesn't mean your guests have to pay.

@Jess - Excuses to be rude tick me off.

Old, bigoted people who think it's ok to use the N word or call people names out loud. Or people who pass the cost of their party on to their guests because they're selfish and judgmental, under the guise of religion or budget.