12 days out and apparently there is a boycott on our wedding

Sending ::hugs:: your way! Like others said before me, your wedding is just the start to a great lifetime of memories with your FH, and it looks like he is being supportive of you during this time, so it looks like you have a lot to look forward to after you get through this. I wish you didn't have to "get through this", though, it is not deserved!!

I'm so sorry JaKlyn! Your moms have just put you guys through hell throughout this whole thing, the exact opposite of what they should be doing. But you guys have managed to be the bigger person at every outburst they've had.

Makayla and baby are so lucky to have you guys as parents!

If you'd like, I frequent reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists

They offer support and deal with situations similar to yours.

I'm sorry they're being awful, but I would also take this as a chance to determine who is really there for you, or who likes to play your mother's games. At least now you'll have a neat list of who else you can cut out of your life.

I would vote you host holidays at your home. Spend time to make great memories for you and your daughter, create some new traditions, show the world you are whole despite these raging asshats that try to sabotage you for no good reason.

That is just fucked up! I am sorry you are dealing with this bullshit so late in the planning. Please, DO NOT cancel anything and do NOT let them win! Make sure you have the best time with those that do plan to attend with you. This will make them regret their decision!

That's incredibly selfish of her and childish of your family to follow along. I'm sure the story she told made you look like a complete monster, but the people that claim to love and support you should reach out to you for your side before jumping ship.

You've done what is best for you and your family. You have all the support you need right in your own home. It sucks balls to realize who is and who isn't by your side, but it is liberating at the same time.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! It sounds like you and FH have a great big picture perspective though and will make the best of the shitty situation. Big hugs to you!!!

I'm so sorry! I will never understand why families think it's ok to treat each other like crap. Blood relation doe not excuse disrespect.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That is terrible people are actually trying to hurt you because of you and your mothers relationship in which has nothing to do with them. They should honestly stay out of it. In times like this its never okay pick sides. If I were in your shoes I would try to get in touch with as many people as possible to get a number of people who are coming. I would be pretty straight forward and say. " hi I have been hearing stuff through the grape vine and need to know if you will be attending the wedding. I am trying to get a final number. Thanks"

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, and this is the most horrible example of that I've seen in a long time. Just remember, you can pick your family, and they don't have to be blood relatives. I hope that you two are still able to enjoy your day, and I really hope you're able to get enough people to tell the truth so you don't waste too much food/money.

I wish I had some good advice, but short of just cutting these people out I can't imagine what you could possibly do. Especially since you haven't done anything wrong.

My "family" has always been of the mindset that regardless of what someone does if they're family you have to forgive them. That doesn't fly with me. If you're an ass I will treat you like an ass. If you do something terrible enough for me to cut you from my life I will. Family or not I'm not subjecting myself to the extra crazy, nor will I do that to my kids. I'm not sure if they think by coming they'd be picking my side, but from what I've been told everyone that plans on skipping is doing so because they don't agree with me inviting my mother. You'd think they'd start to realize that maybe I'm not crazy since all 3 of us kids have cut both of our parents out of our lives.

That is an absolutely horrible situation to be in so close to your wedding! No bride should ever have to go through that! At the end of the day, you will marry the love of your life and you will be surrounded by those who love and support you unconditionally and that is something to be excited about! It may not be everyone you would wish to be there, but try to focus on the positives!

So... I don't know if anybody has suggested this already, but could you talk to your caterers about it?

We had a different situation - DH's aunt is fighting cancer and it looked like things could take a turn for the worse around our wedding day, which would have meant at least 5 of our guests wouldn't have shown up, if not more. We told our venue manager and they were very sweet about it. They said they always had enough food to make more in case extra guests showed up. So we set our final number lower than our expected guest count, knowing that if everyone did show up, all they had to do was bring out tables and cook a dozen extra dishes. In the end, a few weren't able to come (including his aunt) but most did, and we didn't lose any money. Could you maybe get an arrangement like this?

This is just awful, sorry to hear that your family is trying so hard to make your day not special. Your mom is not being the bigger person here, remember that.

So sorry to hear you're going through this. Just know that in the end the fact that you are related to someone doesn't make them "family" some people deserve to be in your life and some do not. Your true "family" will be there on your wedding day to support you most probably not by blood.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's definitely not the time to be going through something so awful with your family.

@VC they're trying to work with us the best they can. I think a big part of our problem is that with my allergies they already have to make special allowances on our menu and make dishes differently than they normally do. They said the best they can do right now is that we'll our best guess to them on Monday 11/2 (which I think is pretty generous) and they're going to waive the cost of the 2 vendors we were supposed to pay for. He said they'd just make sure to fit what they can in our to go boxes for myself and FH at the end of the night and that hopefully everyone brings their appetite on 11/6. The director said his current plan is to order for about 40 less than we currently have estimated and that on 11/2 he'll order more if we need it.

JaKlyn the same thing happened at our wedding, so although I don't have much advice, I do feel really bad. Just remember your grandparents, and anyone else who chooses not to come, will be the ones missing out on your day. They know how your mom is, and they've just decided to embrace defeat. We had an awesome wedding, and that's the best revenge

Also as awful it is to say, grandparents are old. They'll be dead soon and it's really a pity that this is how they want to "go out". When his grandpa ended up boycotting our wedding, it'll make it really easy as we decide if we're able to afford to help with funeral expenses/attending his funeral.

Between myself and FH it's the only set of living great grandparents too, and I'm the first great grandchild to get married. I think that's part of the reason it bothers me so much. I guess I'd rather know they aren't coming though instead of them just not showing up day of. I did get word from one aunt finally that she won't be coming but her daughter is still coming, and since she's legally an adult she can't stop her. She did throw out though that they can't wait to see us at Thanksgiving and hopefully by Christmas we'll have pictures to show everyone. Ummm nope. If you wanted to see the wedding so badly your ass would be there. Plus we aren't coming back for the holidays.

JaKLyn, I feel for you. My biological father isn't invited and he's been laying the guilt trip on his side of the family. Focus on the best as had as it may be. Hope you're having a wonderful day with the only three that matter in the end

That's terrible - I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap before your special day. Like many others mentioned, you will at least see who really cares when they decide to come out.