Planning a wedding before "the proposal'. Everyone has an opinion...what's yours?

In my situation there was no planning ahead of the ring! I was previously unhappily married and nevered planned to get married again, when I met my FH. He's never been married and when we met we mutually agreed that marriage was not in the cards. Two years later, we joked a bit until the joking turned serious and he said "let's do this!" Once he proposed and put a ring on it, I went planning crazy and had my dream beach wedding all planned in 2 months!

I think it all depends on the stage of your relationship and where it is going and who is doing the planning(woman or both). If there have been no signs of a solid future, then the woman would be doing herself a disservice by getting all excited and almost proposing to herself, though her boyfriend has not even spoken about it. On the other hand, if there is talking and honesty, I don't think it's an issue, as long as the proposal comes shortly after that. Some people might feel pressured into it and might not be ready.

I personally think talking about it gives you an indication...but until I hear the proposal, I wouldn't get wrapped up in the planning. Sometimes, you just never know. I was totally caught by surprise with his proposal and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

@Pumkins Sunshine and @Jazleen... for us, we just wanted to stick to tradition... IDK, personal preference. We both wanted the whole get on a knee, give her the ring, etc. etc. I don't know how to explain it other than simply having a preference for doing it that way.

Well I understand the getting down on one knee proposal, but my point is you aren't engaged until it happens so why say you are going to get engaged and plan it for weeks? Doesn't make sense.

FH proposed to me Dec 26th in bed with no ring. I said get me a ring and ask again. He said find me one on Craig's List. I found the ring, he went to get it and proposed to me the day he had it. I don't understand the waiting to get engaged part. When you know, you know.

He also wanted to talk to my parents first, which was really hard to arrange because my dad was having health problems at the time... also, the ring took a while... *shrugs* it worked for us and I wouldn't have changed a thing (except my dad's health problems... which I guess goes without saying...)

Lol@Caolina.. a month, that's cute!

A ring was important to me, but I didn't get my E-ring until a month or so after he officially proposed.. that's fine, he proposed with a ring he had given to me for our 1 year Anni and that was perfectly fine, especially because I knew at that point that he had an engagement ring on layaway. We'd talked about it for the past 3 years, but I didn't feel right about doing any real planning until he spit out the actual words, "Will you marry me?", ring or no ring, super romantic proposal or not. I let him know too that a long engagement was perfectly fine with me too.. I wasn't in a rush to be married, I just wanted to know my intentions were the same as his.

Here's my thoughts: If you start planning before...and I mean PLANNING not dreaming or researching for your day - I'm talking about going out and looking at venues and trying on dresses etc - 9 times out of 10 you don't tell anyone because you are embarassed. So in that sense, you are robbing yourself of the excitement.

If you and your FH discussed it and agreed to start planning, the I agree with Pumpkin - just pop the question sans ring and call youselves engaged and get on with it and tel people and start planning. The ring can come later if you are OK with it.

I guess I just feel bad for people when they plan things on the down low and can't celebrate since they aren't actually openly engaged.

OK so I wear "a ring", we say we are engaged, EVERYONE knows it and we are starting our plans. We've looked at 1 venue and have another to look at next mth but because its not "my engagement ring" and i was given it after he asked me to marry him (though he is planning on doing it "special" when he gets my real engagement ring, which all I know is I will be getting it anytime between now and Christmas) I shouldnt be saying Im not engaged? I mean we do strive on doing things our own way.

If your FH says you are engaged and you have a "for now" ring why would you think you aren't engaged? Of course you are. He isn't proposing to you later, he is romantically presenting you with the engagement ring. Totally different things.

If your FH says you are engaged and you have a "for now" ring why would you think you aren't engaged? Of course you are. He isn't proposing to you later, he is romantically presenting you with the engagement ring. Totally different things.

My FH and I had been talking about it for a while and his mother was really pushing the subject. So a month ago after a pregnancy scare we decided that it was time to start planning. We knew that we wanted to be married before we had children plus we both aren’t getting any younger. I already have a 6yr old from a previous marriage (when I was young and dumb) and I really didn’t want them to far apart. Well we did set a date and have already started to plan. No I don’t have my ring yet. Well he went to pick it up yesterday but I don’t know when the actual proposing is going to come but I’m ok with that I know that when it happens I am going to love it. You know when its right and a ring or a proposal doesn’t always mean it going to work out any different. Things can happen even after all that happens.

I knew we were "going to be engaged" because our plan was get pregnant, get engaged, have baby, get married. To pumpkin- I asked him to get me a cheap "for now" ring. BEGGED him, because I wanted it to be official. But he refused. He wanted to do it right and do it once, he wanted to get me the ring he got me and do the big special proposal and it took awhile because he had to save the money (paid for the ring outright instead of buying it on credit). He didn't feel right getting me a "crappy ring" and ruining his plan that he had because we wanted to just get it over with, so I had to wait a few months being "soon to be engaged".

So everyone has good points, many of which refer to their own personal experience. I really don't understand the "you MUST have a ring to be engaged, you MUST NOT plan a wedding until you have a ring" I really think that is more "tradition" than anything else. A ring does not guarantee a commitment, and that the wedding will actually take place. I believe that part comes from within the two of you. We have seen several post of engaged couples with major bling, but wedding has been called off. We have also seen couples who have planned their entire wedding with no engagement ring as well. My point is I don't think any statement can be applied to all (this is what I share with my employees as well) It is your life, do as you please. Don't think because he purchased a ring for you he has signed a contract to be faithful to you as a fiance, wife, sole provider of your household. If you truly know and love him then he is already all that before and after "an engagement ring".

I didn't plan until he proposed, but my mother has been planning my wedding since me and my FH made it to our 2nd year anniversary.. she had everything planned out and the venue picked out. when I called my family to let them know he had proposed, my mom was so excited, when we were talking over dinner is when she finally told me she had everything planned... she took me to the venue to see it and she also had already put the deposit down on the place before i even saw it... When I saw it, the perfect place, I love it, but mind you we go engaged in July 2010 so I have gad more time to plan

What ever works for the couple involved, not everyone's situation is the same, if the ending result is marriage it shouldn't matter. I started looking around for things before the formal ring and proposal came, and now that it has I have really started planning it.

Well Claudette in some situations it does hurt because the end result is not marriage but a whole lot of disappointment when some clown tells you he will marry you "someday" and says you can plan the wedding just to shut you up.

Unfortunately you usually don't know the dude's a clown until it's too late.

So I say to any woman that has a man who says they will get married but won't actually propose- do not plan until he does.

I actually bought my wedding dress before he proposed. Who could pass up saving 400 bucks?!?

I think when there is a plan to be married between two people....ring or no ring..you are engaged. Some couples opt for a simple wedding band and never have an engagement ring...I guess technically it's not the ring that makes an engagement....It's the official agreement two people have to marry...if they choose to have a ring or not. Each couple's experience is unique. For my first marriage.....I was engaged... with a ring.......but didn't plan my wedding...my mom did! I kind of "showed up" for the wedding. He and I were way too young...now years later...when I met my man...even though I didn't have a ring...I did research for my dream wedding....so when I was "officially" engaged with a beautiful ring, I had an idea of what we might do. But now, with a serious life changing event...all of my plans are going to be changed...but I still had a great time researching and planning ideas.

Pumpkin's sunshine, what is the guarantee with a proposal? If the guy is a "clown" he can propose and still bail out, right??

@2nd Bride: MY FH is and was very involved in the planning both before and after we got engaged. if he had shown any annoyance/dislike in the planning i wouldn't have done it and i would have waited for a ring/proposal. We were living 8hrs away from where we knew we would get married so we couldn't actually meet with vendors or look at venues (and i dont think we would have if we were closer until THE proposal) but we looked a lot of venues online and made lists of ones we wanted to see before the engagement/ring.

@Pumpkin: I think couples are different and its kind of narrow minded to think that ALL women (or men) are interested in a ring/proposal. Every couple puts a different value on both. my mom doesn't really like jewelry and never wanted a ring but wears one bc it makes her husband happy. They also never really had an actual proposal. Its all about whats important to the couple. If the women/man WANTS a ring and a proposal their SO should do that for them. CONT