Help! Pastor Won't Marry you!

@Luta- "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for The Lord is able to make him stand."

There was an older thread on this too. I believe the couple ended up going with another pastor. I know you hate to do that but why should some one elses beliefs be pushed off on them? They have to work with their walk with God and if the pastor is not comfotable then I can understand why they wouldn't be either. Is there an associate pastor who can do the ceremony?

HA. My cousin got married a few years ago and at his wedding in front of EVERYONE they had to apologize for living in sin... Not to mention that throughout the entire ceremony the pastor would say "And although they have spent the last 8 months living in sin..." It was so tacky and really made all of us guests EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I say that if your pastor is making a huge deal out of it and telling a little white lie about your addresses is out of the question- FIND A NEW PASTOR. The humiliation resulting from the public of announcement of what "sinners" you are throughout your wedding is not worth it. Trust me.

@ HisLil okay, like I said I'm Pagan not christian, that's why I was saying isn't it suppost to be like that... I don't know I can see where everyone is coming from just kind of see it from his point of view too ya know? Or maybe I just have much older parents that have the same belief of waiting and I'm just used to nodding my head and smiling lol

@ star, really hope everything works out for your friend!

@Luta... I know that you aren't so I was just trying to help you understand why some people are really offended that the pastor is being a hypocrite (by judging when he shouldn't since he has sinned before) so that you could see their POV too.

Thanks ladies, I'll pass the comments on. I think she really wants to be married by this pastor and she understands his opinion, but moving out will be very difficult as far as where they work and other practical life issues. The only option would be to impose on someone else for 8 months. She really doesn't want to lie and apparently he doesnt want them to live together because of temptation. They had already decided to stop having sexual relations and have already stopped before meeting with him. Now she is considering just moving him into the guest room.... we shall see!

Wow, this is BS. I'm Catholic and my fh & I live together. Our priest would much rather we didn't and he did make the suggestion that we move out. But he never threatened to not marry us. That's the whole point, isn't it - for people to get married?

Instead of pushing us to move out, part of our premarital counseling will focus on how things will be different once we are married than they are now.

I have never heard of this. In fact the pastor that is marrying me and my FH said that it is so common that couples live together and he was suprised that we didnt. Is there a friend that one could move in with?

Alot of pastors these days realise that nobody really follows that anymore, and they cant do anything to change that, so they will marry you anyway. some of them need to catch up with the times! lol. and some pastors dont even comprehend that if a couple isn't religious, then why would they follow what religious people do? my pastor didnt say anything about that, but then again he already knows that fh and i dont live together, and that we are saving sex for marriage. lol. so it was easy here.

My cousin ran into a problem because she said they weren't going to have children. She phsically can not have children because of a disease at birth. the deacon freaked out and wouldn't marry them. even though i'm catholic I think that each situation is different and should be considered by the priest. many people might get mad but I would just use a second address (like a friend or family member) and say that you live seperate.

I have heard that some Baptist ministers will not marry couples who are living together. In fact, I married at least one of those couples.

Yeah she needs to find someone else. I was worried about it as a Catholic but it ended up not being an issue. Maybe it helped that I was in DC and with the exorbitant rents here I think most couples simply can't afford to live apart even if they wanted to!

Have they talked to the pastor at all about the financial strain this would cause on them to have to move? I mean I understand as a pastor he has an obligation to admonish his members to live "right". But at the same time, they are on the path towards that. We had a similar situation last year at our church but I feel like I shouldn't share it b/c it's really privileged information. I'll just say that FH is very liberal as a pastor.

Ladylee, They did tell him there situation and while he was sympathetic, he said that he cannot marry them if they live together, period.

IMO, I think that its kind of silly that he won't marry them at all because they are living together. I mean some people have full blown families, children, etc. before marriage and if they decide to get married, why deny them making that covenant before God? I think it is fine to give your preference or recommendation, but if they are not able to move out, I feel like you are denying them the opportunity to make their relationship right, or to allow them to honor God in that way.

In my pre-marital counseling, the reverend told us that in biblical days and engagement was a time where the wife would move in with the husband and his family and live therer for a year, so that she could learns the ways of and how to care for her husband. Of course, there was no sexual contact during that time. I just think that while it is very common, it shouldnt be assumed that because you are in the same household that you are sleeping together which is the real sin.

And ladylee, You are right, I think it is priveledged information. BTW they are not Catholic. It is a baptist church I believe

I think it's really unfortunate for their pastor to be so rigid. I understand his thinking to some extent but he is potentially doing damage to the Kingdom. Jesus did not demonstrate that type of intolerance. He is NOT showing them the love of Christ. Moving out would only be superficial. It's not going to change the fact that they are now living together.

Well I was lurking today and saw this post and had to sign in and respond. I could have been the bride mentioned above. I had this problem last year and I was very upset. I had been going to this church for a couple years reguarly, volunteered weekly in nursery. Long story short I was told i could no longer volunteer until we got married since I was living with a man I wasn't married to. They wanted to marry us right away and then still do the ceremony a couple months later. I was not okay with this and was very upset on the way they handled the situation (This is a synopsis of the story). Soo after lots of tears and praying my now husband and I decided that this wasn't the correct place for us. We found another minister who could marry us that wasn't associated with a church anymore and got married in a church that is associated with the local parks (it was perfect!).

Then we took our time finding a church we liked rather than feeling pressured to find a new place of worship and quickly get to know the pastor so that he could marry us (we only had a 5 month engagnement). We have now found a church that we are very happy with, we also found another premarital counseling class that was wonderful for us. We are happily married and have met several young couples with similar beliefs that we hang out with reguarly.

My opinion: If you can't afford to move out and have no where to go don't. Obstaining from sex until your married is a good thing. Lying to the pastor about your living situation is not a good idea. Being upfront for us ended up working out and we were much happier with the Plan B. If the pastor won't marry them then its possible they will need to find someone else. I think that you need to be upfront about your decisions and if you don't have the option of kicking your fiance out then don't. Hey maybe the pastor can give him a room.