Controlling Parents: Trying to Stop My Wedding

Ann if you need to vent you can pm. I'm a great listener. Your parents are probably just having a hard time dealing with the idea of their little girl growing up and moving out.

Obviously, I don't know your values, so I'm not trying to judge or come off as flippant...but as long as you're not sleeping together, I can't see how living together would be a bad thing. At least it would get you away from your parents, and you can get an idea of what it's like to live with your FH.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best. It sounds like you're in a tough spot.

I'm not trying to be rude but you already know what to do. You know you need to walk away and tell them they're wrong and if they want to be in your life, to shut-up. You haven't done it yet because you're afraid or you think they're 1/2 right. If you want things to change leave their house and make a stand. If you're not ready either deal with the "wedding arguments" or don't get married. It's one of those situations where you have to do something because it's not going to stop.

NO matter where you live you'll still be 24 and you'll still be their child. You need to address them as an adult. Tell them this is whats happening, this is what you both want... and you would like them to be a part of it. Don't argue, don't engage in the snippy comments. Ignore them. If you're not going to move out then really, thats all ya got! Is there a reason they dont want you to get married, a reason they are giving? They don't like him? Are they claiming to have issues with him? You can always let your parents vent, then say I understand what you're saying.. thanks..... but im going to do it this way...

Tabatha: No worries! And you are right I do know what to do. My parents are 100 % wrong. It's just finding the courage to walk away and not let it bother me anymore!

Sabrina: They're issues are based on superficial aspects: they don't want me living where I'm moving to, they don't want me living in a trailer, they want me to wait two or three years...it's been all about them from the night I showed them my diamond. My mama hasn't even so much as congratulated me, much less told me she was happy for me. They're just full of excuses. I have told them 'this is how it's gonna be', but unfortunately it just adds fuel to the fire.

We were in the same situation but it was his mom . We moved out and things gradually worked themselves out. They were mad at first but realized they couldn't control our every move any more... I am sorry you have to get through it .it will get worse before it gets better but it will get better in the end your all family . My advice take the next step to separate but don't burn the bridge tell them your frustrated and need to start your own life. It's up to them to be part of it!! Stay strong girlie

I have read all the comments

I agree 100% Move out!!!!!!

get your own place or move in with his parents sleep in different rooms

your life may not be what "they" want but it is what "You" want

you have to take the bull by it's horns and do it now...the longer you wait the more likely you will be to talk yourself outta it

the longer you stay the more they will break you!

I will give you the benefit of the doubt,

If you make your own money, pay your own bills and have your own car, could you not continue paying for your own bills while living at Future inlaws house?

What about staying with a friend?

However my WW gut is telling me this thread is a joke. :/

I hope it's a joke. I'm 24 and I couldn't IMAGINE living with my mom at this age.

If you're financially able to live on your own, there's no reason to put up with something like that. I'm sorry, but "tradition" isn't always right. African-americans used to be slaves, women used to not be allowed to vote. Hell, a LONG time ago, women used to get married and have kids by the time they were 13! Times change. 24 year olds shouldn't be living with their parents if they want to be viewed as independent adults. Period.

I can understand not wanting to live with FH because of values and beliefs, but I in no way understand why you can't move out on your own until then. As long as you live with your parents, you're going to be treated as a child. It's that simple IMO.

I wish this were a joke, but unfortunately it isn't. Controlling parents do exist and they make they're childrens adult lives pure hell. The only reason I'm hesitating moving out is 1) I don't want to feel like a burden to my FH parents if I moved in with them and 2) It's hard to justify spending money on rent and other moving expenses this close to my wedding when I need to save that money for me and my FH living expenses. It's not so much that I want to cut my parents out of my life as it is I just want them to acknowlegde that this is about my life, my feelings and what I know is best for me, not them. I'm not trying to burn a bridge by any means I just want them to let me be the adult that I am.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, Ann.

As per those of you who think it is so obsurd to live with your parents at 24, shame on you! There are several good reasons to be living with your parents as a young adult, a few of which Ann listed. Stop judging.

And, No, I don't live with my parents.

Ann all I will say is follow your heart. Right or wrong, you have to live your life your way. If you make mistakes, they are your mistakes to learn from and I'm sure you will. I know women who live with their parents until marriage, it's really not that uncommon. As a matter of fact, there are several people in this world who look down upon those of us who live together prior to marriage so let's all quit throwing stones please! It is 2012 and we should understand that we all have beliefs, opinions and rights but we can be nice in the way we voice ourselves.

I also come from a family where we live with our parents til we got married and my situation was similar except it was just my mother and we lived together out of necessity because she was having financial problems. My mom pulled the same stunts where she would outright disrespect my FH mostly because of her insecurities of losing me for what I did for her and this was way before the official engagement it got to the point where I had to stop enabling her and I just ran out and bought my house left her to learn how to stand on her own without my assistance. For a while I would have annoying guilt trip messages on my phone but eventually she calmed down and accepted the fact that I'm grown and have my own life and now we cool for the most part. I think they are afraid of losing you because that was my case so just do you and roll as soon as you are able no need for you to be stressed this is supposed to be the greatest day ever for you

Sorry your parents are being so stubborn. I kind of know what you're going through. My parents' culture says that a girl is supposed to live with her parents until she gets married. She's also only supposed to get married when and to someone they approve of. In my case the decision to walk away was pretty easy. Took me an extra year to work up the nerve to leave after I'd made up my mind.

From what you are saying, I think the best course for you is simply to ignore what they say. I'd suggest talking to them, but I know first hand that parents who just want you to do what they want, can't be swayed. You need to learn to not fear them. Respect and fear are two different things. Being too afraid to even tell your mother you have a dress appointment is not a sign of a healthy respectful relationship. They probably view you as a child, because you fear them. *cont*

At some point, you will have to break away. What are your plans for after you get married? What if they disown you for getting married when they don't want you to? What if they insist you still live with them after you are married? Are you going to do that if they tell you to?

your paying rent, food,phone now, then there is no extra expenses by moving in with FH parents

no burden to FH parents AS long as you are paying

when FH and you get married and move in it will be 2 incomes paying one rent bill and other bills, and 2 incomes will give you extra cash per month again, no extra expenses

im going to go out on a limb and say that since you live with your parents and so does FH that you guys don't have a ton of furniture and house hold goods so moving from FH parents house wont cost lots of money

if you ever want to be your own person and not your parents puppet MOVE OUT NOW!

Thanks Future Mrs. X and Carrie M.!

Once you reach 18 controlling parents only have the control that you give them. And you are giving them quite a bit. I'm sorry, but IMHO, you and your FH are still kids that have no business getting married if you are both still living with your parents. Sure I'm biased because I had manipulative/controlling parents so I moved out right after I graduated form HS while I was still 17. Problem solved. Sure, it took some getting used to on both sides, but I also don't have to hear any crap about who I'm marrying. And I also feel confident in my marriage because I know we can each take care of ourselves because we've done it before.

Rebecca: I appreciate your honesty, but as I've stated before it's traditional where I'm from to live at home until you're married. It has nothing to do with maturity level. I moved out when I was 18 for college and lived on my own for four years, but moved back home for my job. Whether or not me or my FH are ready and mature enough to get married isn't the issue and it shouldn't matter if I'm living with my parents or not. That doesn't change the fact that I'm 24 years old and they think they can tell me what to do and interfere with my relationship.