Controlling Parents: Trying to Stop My Wedding

I've been watching your post for a couple of days & I really have to commend you for following your family's traditional values. It's refreshing.

So now for MHO. Your parents are unhappy because the two of you will not be financially secure when you get married in 5 months, or at least not as secure as they would prefer. From a traditional value standpoint that seems to be their beef with the marriage since they've told you to wait a couple more years. I'm very non-traditional but I can tell you at 42 they have a point. Not being financially secure puts more stress on a marriage than can ever be expressed & they are trying to help you avoid that hardship. You will not change their opinion, nor mine even though your rents & I are on very different parenting planes.

How to deal w/ their spiteful remarks - ignore it. It's their house & they will behave exactly as they please in their home. Just like you will when you have your own home as well. It sucks but your choices are really to move out and abandon your values or suck it up and continue your marriage plans or to work with them on what they feel is reasonable and reset your marriage date.

Ann: Their house, their rules. You are still their CHILD while living at home. Just because it's tradition doesn't mean it's the only way to do something.

Coming from someone who is living at home with their parents, I do not think maturity is an issue. I'm going to be 22 in two weeks, and i am getting married in four months, does that make me too immature to be getting married? FH and i are living with my parents, paying rent etc. While saving up for a down payment on our first home. Financially we could move out and rent, but we are using the offer my parents gave us to live with them until December in order to get our down payment saved up.

Back on subject, I think it would be wise to sit down with your parents and have a discussion of your feelings. My grandmother is a manipulatove person and she tried to control my mom into her fourties. It finally came to a point that no matter what my mom said she eventually had to cut all ties. I hope that doesn't happen to you, but until you do something about it nothing will change.

So what do your parents NOT like about the area you're moving to, except that it's a trailer?

Mrs. S: It's trashy and swampy is what they say...but the thing is they've never been there so i'm not sure how they 'know' that. Like I've said before they're just full of excuses. The little town I'm moving to is very similar to the one I'm living in now, and I've never heard them call it 'trashy and swampy'..I live in the center of North Carolina...we don't even have swamps around here...anywhere!

Kayla S.: Living at home does not mean you are too immature to get married. Personally, as long as your parents are okay with you living at home, I think it's a good financial decision, especially if you plan on marrying in the future. To me that a very MATURE decision. So many people (even some that have commented here) don't understand that even though you're an adult living at home, you're still an adult and you're still entitled to your personal life, space, and privacy. More importantly you have the right to make you're own decisions. I'm not planning on living at home forever.

Ann, it is exactly what they are doing. My mother is still doing it to my brother and me. I have been married and on my own for 20 years. A little distance from them might be a good idea during the rest of your engagement period. When you are in their home every day, it is hard to separate yourself emotionally. Wedding planning is stressful enough without this type of family dynamics happening on a daily occurrence.

My mother is from the same school of thought that you live at home until you get married. This was the norm in the U.S. until the 80's....

Imagine you was on another planet, there would be totally different ways to do things, different rules. You guys live in a fantasy created mental reality. On a bigger scale what does authority do to a soul?

In actuality the number one cause of being unenlightening is the ego software that filter your consciousness. If u can take a step back from your fantasy world, pretend its just one of a million possibilities, try imagine that whatever rules you live by are pure horse shit. Because odds are they are. You are so unjustly overtaken by people that put you in a mental prison and you cant escape. Because they literately learned how to push your buttons. There are parts of the brain that hardwired their control over you. Its a real psychical prison.

Its about sovereignty and your ego measured by your ability to be assertive. Your identity has been hijacked, and you are someones slave.

Ofc. manipulation describes your parents. Gtg lol

I have had the exact same issue. My parents tried through every method to prevent it. Even criticising my now wife behind her back. During any confrontation I always consider the perspectives of everyone. Apparently I should only follow their egotistical opinion. Upon realising it could not be stopped they criticised the plans which she and I made to suit them and still never apologise. I am nothing like them and feel sickly everytime I am reminded that they are my parents. They drive me away blatantly and then wonder why I am staying away, threatening me to have more contact with them.