You're not really engaged if..

Well I guess our engagement is a sham because we didn't set the date until we booked our venue, which was about six months after he proposed!

@Kris E & @O&S I understand where both of you are coming from. Some people never formally get in or out of the relationship (I never was the type to let that fly I need clarity) but I have friends who have "boyfriends" but he never asked "will you be my gf" some people just date until they figure they are exclusive. My FH & I never had a "talking" stage (predating getting to know each other). We went straight from being study buddies to bf/gf we never texted or talked on the phone. So when he officially asked me to be his gf it was big jump LOL/I hated it (because I knew we both liked each other). I also know people who never had a proposal they were gifted or given a ring eventually (most of these people live together and have kids together) its like an unspoken move "were going to get married, but bc we have everything thats many wait after the wedding for (kids, house, cohabitation) proposal really isnt necessary" (not true of everyone obviously)

I understand what they are getting at. I remember near the end of high school, lots of couples got "engaged", but not in a sense that anyone believed or respected it. When you propose with no real intention of getting married, then I don't consider it a real engagement. It is a lot easier to keep someone around if they are worried about your level of commitment by proposing, it is just a question and it is not really anymore binding than being BF/GF. I think that is what they are getting at. There is this couple we know that got "engaged" right after us. Yes we are having a 2 year engagement, but we have actually been saving, paying, and planning for our wedding. This other couple still has no date set and no plans to actually get married. I believe the guy just proposed to keep her around because she was getting antsy about his commitment. We are not as close with them anymore, but from it seems their relationship is getting rockier by the day, and I suspect this is because they are not actually progressing through the stages of an engagement to make a marriage actually happen. That is what I think they mean by that, the people who get "engaged" with an ulterior motive other than to actually marry.

I got engaged Feb 2015. I didn't set a date until July 2015. I didn't want to set a date until I had a venue. I didn't want to lose a great venue because I was stuck on one date.

8 weeks is kind of quick IMO. Can we have a little time to enjoy just being engage before the craziness of wedding planning start.

Generally I try not to be concerned about what other people are doing in their relationships...but it does take me aback a bit when I meet couples who have been "engaged" for like 6 years. I don't understand it. It's like...shit or get off the pot already. But I suppose they have their reasons for it.

We were engaged for a year or two with no date set, but we had agreed that we were going to marry soon after she turned 26 at the latest. We partly considered ourselves engaged because I was really, really tired of people assuming I meant "girlfriend" in the platonic way straight women sometimes use it. Like, no, dipshit, do I have to make out with her in front of you for you to stop sticking your fingers in your ears and singing "gal pals" to yourself?

Que the women who "don't need a materialistic item to think they are engaged".

I know two people who are engaged, and both these ladies have the ring to prove it, but there is no date set because they are still married to someone else (one has been "engaged" for almost 5 years now)! I honestly don't consider that being engaged.

When I was in middle school I had a gorgeous teacher who had been engaged for almost 10 years, huge rock on her finger, and even then I did not consider that to be a real engagement. lol

We had set a date within a week, but I guess our 22 months engagement would've been way too long! I guess wanting to finish college before moving out and getting married is a bad thing to those hosts.... And here I thought that was a smart plan!

I know someone who was engaged while still married to someone else. That is just wrong. Tacky and wrong.

Eight weeks to set a date is pretty arbitrary, but I guess I get what he was trying to say. Some people seem to get engaged because they think it's the next step in the relationship, like moving in together, or getting a dog together. They get engaged with no plans to get married, and yes, I think that's weird. Our engagement was just a transitory period, not a relationship stage.

LOL, we set a date within 8 weeks but I don't have an e-ring. Is my engagement real? I hope so since we've shelled out a few thousand on vendor deposits already!

I was just talking to a co-worker about this. They're "engaged" but have no intention of getting married. She's waiting for him to find a job, so he can be self supporting if they ever get a divorce. YEP. They've been together for 6 years now, have a 3 year old (planned) and he's never worked...

ETA: I think as long as you're in the "we're trying to plan" or anything planning related, you're engaged. otherwise it's a promise ring...