You're not really engaged if..

Then I guess my engagement is super fake...We got engaged 7/2013 and wanted to wait until we delivered our son before we started planning. We set up the wedding date March 2014.

We were engaged 2 1/2 years before we set a date and over 3 years before we wed. Sure... we had a legal issue to deal with as well... but wtf... then again... being engaged isn't a legal status so there are no official rules. If you tell me you are engaged... you are engaged.

I think that when you become engaged you have the promise of marrying that other person so the relationship becomes a bit more serious so I don't see a problem with taking a little longer to set a date. Some people just want to enjoy this new step in the relationship before rushing into wedding planning.

I met a couple about 3.5 years ago who had been engaged for 4 years at that point and didn't have a date set.

As far as I know, they still don't have one set now. And it's not like they're obviously waiting for something (finish school, buy a house, etc.) because they already owned a place when I met them, and they had met each other at the jobs they still had when I met them.

I..... I don't get it.

Lol. My engagement was 2 1/2 years and we didn't start planning for 18 months. We had been together for 5 years and were serious about getting married, we just couldn't pick a date or a location without knowing where we'd be living and working. Finding a job and figuring out our living situation was more urgent.

I know some people who were engaged for 8 or 9 years with no intention of getting married ever... so were they really engaged? I guess so because they eventually got married a few months ago. When they did finally get married, they planned it in 3 weeks and had a tiered reception. The whole situation was a bit... odd.

Even though we picked our date 2 weeks after getting engaged. I feel like we were engaged longer. We started dating 9 years ago and knew after a week we would get married. We talked about getting married all the time. Felt like our engagement was 8 years haha.

I just don't see the point if you're not going to get married...

Next month I am going to a wedding of a couple who has been together for 16 years and engaged for 12 years. The started planning about 4 months prior nothing big. For them they just felt like they were already married because they have been together since they were 12 & 14. I had a 5 month engagement and that was ENOUGH time for us. We knew we wanted to get married so we did it. The waiting was the worst part, I have no idea how some of you do a year plus.

Right KM there's no point if you aren't going to get married! But if you take a year or maybe longer to set a date but do eventually get married no big deal!

We had a year in mind at proposal, a selection of "best dates" within six weeks (based on my family shifts and excluding birthdays, anniversaries etc). Still ended up a five year engagement.

That was just the timing we liked and suited our plans. Any sooner would have been a nightmare (FHs name change is a long process and he needed to graduate uni first. Otherwise the paperwork turns into a clusterfuck. Same with doing it post wedding)

It's also going to be really nice to be able to tell our kids that we were together ten years before we got married - everyone is in such a rush these days it might help instil a little patience.

Personally think it's a daft idea to set an arbitrary time limit on an engagement. WW is always pushing not judging others relationship when it comes to inviting with an SO, so I guess I don't see the point in judging engagements - if it works and the couple is happy, I'd have a hard time calling it fake.

Some people get engaged because otherwise (the woman) someone will leave the relationship. Its a way to draw out the bf/gf relationship. A friend of mine her ex proposed after they broke up because he didnt want to break up. It wasnt like an ultimatum that she gave him (like propose or I'm leaving) he thought it would be a way to get her back. I really can't judge my FH had the ring for almost a year before proposing, it irk-ed me to the upmost because a proposal should be the next level of commitment that you love that person so much you want to officially start planning your life together, not a token to hold over someones head.

Very true Faran!

I don't think there should be any "rules" when it comes to this stuff. It's what the couple wants and feels is right. My FH and I were together 5.5 years when he proposed. I could have waited longer, I knew neither of us were going anywhere. We will be engaged for 22 months. I always wanted a long engagement. I figure we have the rest of our lives to be married, why not enjoy the engagement stage a while longer?

I know a couple who has been engaged FOREVER, they have 3 kids and I don't think they currently have any plans for a wedding, but who cares? If that's what works for them right now, then so be it.

I don't think there needs to be a rule that people should get engaged after a certain period of time and people shouldn't have to get married after a certain period of time. Every person and every relationship is different!

Yeah I would feel weird planning a wedding without it being official yet. If you don't want a ring but you and your FH consider yourselves engaged that's one thing but if you haven't been proposed to yet you're really not engaged and shouldn't be planning a big event like a wedding yet.

O&S - YES.

Same here, we talked about it a lot and we lived together for at least 2 years already but I never even thought about planning anything until it was official.

I believe it's better to set a date within 5-8 weeks after getting engaged because if you wait, then you tend to start procrastinating on it or put it off to the side. I believe the man or women should ask the question once they know they're ready. However, certain circumstances might come up. Such as money problems, death in the family, work related stuff, and much more.

My friend and I were actually talking about this the other day and the idea of promise rings.

I've read that the average wedding takes place 12-18 months after you become engaged.

If a date hasn't been set within 18 months of your engagement (not married, but set) likely hood that you will actually marry begins to decline ---not that it doesn't happen, just declines.

We set the season (Fall 2015) about a week after we became engaged. The actual date came a month later when we settled on a venue. I probably wouldn't have minded if we had waited a couple of months, but after that I would have wondered what the hell was the point if we didn't set a date, be it 6 months, 1, 2 or 3 years down the road. I don't really believe in the "ring on finger/ open ended engagement", I feel it belittles the point of the engagement period when you have no plans for the future. It becomes a "shut her/him up and I don't have to fully commit" ring.

Playing devil's advocate here, but @O&S what is a formal proposal. I have a girlfriend who didn't want a engagement ring and never got. Her husband asked her to get married one night. Nothing special. He was just like, let's get married.

They are married. Does that mean they were never engaged because there wasn't a formal proposal or a ring?

My $.02

Who cares if someone gets engaged and then waits seventeen years? Who cares if they never had a ring? Who cares if they just decide to get married and go to the courthouse the same day?