You should be privileged to be in MYwedding party!

My opinion is no, they should support you the day of, looking great in their dresses, not get drunk at the reception, and hold your dress while you pee..lol. Also, hopefully they will throw you a nice shower and/or bachelorette party (but one that doesn't break their bank).

A nice token of a good friendship, yes. A privilege? Heck no in my humble opinion.

I think being in the wedding party is a big honor - you get to stand right next to someone during one of the biggest moments of their lives.

That said, it's a pain in the arse and wallet, and brides need to be considerate of that - don't give them chore lists, don't make them buy dresses they can't afford, and don't treat them like little dolls for you to dress up - they're still people, and theoretically they're the people you care about the most.

I've asked my bridesmaids to help with a few things (and they'd volunteered beforehand, anyway). We're having Sunday afternoon crafting parties, and I'll provide the snacks and mimosas.

I saw an episode where the bride has her maid of honors help her with all the favors then she expected her wedding party to clean up after the reception..Friggin crazy bride..they all left or went to party so the bride was left behind to clean up with a few family members,not even the groom helped her out lol

Thats cheap.

I am kind of on the line with this Sharon. No one has ever asked me to be in their wedding, so before my wedding I had no idea what anyone should do- not even my MOH. My MOH has been in weddings, several to be exact. And the only thing I really expected her to do was get a dress, do her hair and makeup and be there on time. When she said she wanted to throw my bridal shower and we did the invites and she came back a week later to tell me she wasn't going to have the money so I'd need to buy whatever and she'd reimburse me later, I felt like I should had never had that shower because a bride shouldn't be paying for her own shower. I don't think they should have to break the bank to be in your wedding, but I definitely was offended when she wore a dress as my MOH that she wore to a bach-party one year prior. And, I too, think it should be a token of good friendship but she should also feel privileged that I asked- not necessarily expected to do a bach or shower.. cont'd.

I'm always honored when I get asked but I have to admit there's a part of me that cringes a little bit. I'm a total sucker so I get swindled into doing a lot of the work and the last couple of weddings that I went to as just a guest were soooo nice to just go and enjoy and not have 'jobs'.

As far as it being a privilege... hecks no

My MOH upset me the night of my wedding, as we were cutting the cake the DJ was calling for her to come to the cake table and she never showed, so after we cut the cake I went to find her- she was in her car, crying like crazy over a boy she swore wouldn't ruin my big day. I was really upset and at that very moment looked at my photographer and walked off- I wish I had never asked her- not only did she offer to help but never did with things in the wedding, she also ruined my wedding night.

I'd pretend I was crafty for mimosa's! There also may be a cultural difference, as in England, we paid for the dresses etc., and the BM's just came to the bachelorette party and bought the bride drinks (there are no showers). So you may want to take that into consideration as well. I was just curious about the different opinions.

I certainly do not want any of my BM's feeling like they should be privileged to be in my wedding. I have been lucky enough that they all want to be involved with everything - but I don't let that run our friendship I make sure to take time out for them to tell me what is going on with their lives too and to just hang out without wedding talk. Granted I have a wonderful and super close relationship with my sister (MOH) who is just as wedding obsessed as me and two of my BM's are my best friends who have always been there for me no matter what. One of them even went out and bought a book on what being a bridesmaid entails and how to help fix problems that may arise, including dealing with a bridezilla. But I would never want to abuse that friendship by asking them to do more then what they feel comfortable doing. It should be a bonus if they want to help out above and beyond and a bride should be happy and grateful - not expectant and bridezillaish (if that is even a word lol)

Sounds like you watched an episode (pick one) of BZ! lol You do know they are asked to act over the top? In "real" reality no one in their right mind would dare say "you should be privileged" without getting cussed out and left hanging.

Kali - that would definitely go against supporting you the day off, big no-no!! I would have been upset too. Also, don't say you're going to throw a shower, then after the invites are out, you can't afford it. Craziness!

I am always floored when watching those shows that the bride has any friends left or even a man to marry. I would never treat my friends or future husband the way they do. Does that stop me from watching them? No it does not. It is so entertaining to see how they act and still end up getting married. The bride that had to have a blanket and suck her thumb to calm her down was my favorite!

@ Kali, that's specifically why I'm not inviting a certain guy to the wedding because my MOH is unhealthily addicted to him and she changes into a completely different person when he's around - not to mention I'm sure she'd be in the bathroom crying by the end of the night because she can not get it through her head (after 5 years) that he's never, ever going to be in a relationship with her and just uses her for sex. You'd think at 36 yrs of age she would sort of have this understanding by now. Drives me bonkers and she even asked me to invite him. No way!

I think the girls (and guys) should feel honored to be in the bridal party, like said before, they are the ones that mean the most to the couple and are the ones that get to be the closest durring this time, however i feel they should also have minor duties such as answering questions when asked ( will you go with me to look for a venue for the wedding?) 2 weeks later (i would love you to go with us on X day to look for a venue).........1 week before "yes i will go with you to look for places"........the day before i made plans for that day and im not going with you anymore! i do also think that they should be responsible for buying their dress within a reasonable price, and if the bride says i would like you to check out dress A B and C they should at least go TRY them and see what they look like before saying they hate it.

basic stuff like that i think they should be required to do, but dont make them feel like slaves.

I agree Sharon. My MOH is a very, very busy girl. She works, she's in law school, she dates, she has other friends....she has a life outside of MY wedding. I don't think that I've ever put her in a place where she felt that she had to sacrifice something important to be a part of our big day. We have dinner 2-3 times a month, and we have a "craft" day 1-2 times a month. But, on our craft days, I do my wedding crap and she does her scrapbooking, whatever. I've never made her do anything wedding craft related, since it's not her big thing. We picked the BM dress together, a short black number that she can absolutely wear again, and it was $80 after discount w/ no alterations needed. I would never announce that she needed to spend $250 on a fluffy hot pink dress that would need $100 in alterations. Yes, she is honored to be in my wedding. But more than that, I am honored that she accepted, and is taking time out of her crazy schedule to be there.

I feel like I've become a broken record on this one, but here goes: I am very strongly of the view that the bride should decide what she wants members of her wedding party to do before asking them. When she asks them, she should tell them what is involved, so they have a chance to say no if it is too much. A large percentage of the drama I have seen on this and other message boards has come when brides expect the wedding party to get involved with DIY, plan showers and bachelorettes, etc., and the members of the wp think their only obligation is to show up on the day.

I agree.. Weddings are a pain. And very expensive. And I put a lot of thought into who I asked and how I asked, because when you ask someone to be in your wedding, you're asking them to spend a crap load of money.. Unless you're going to cover it. In which case, you're very nice, but crazy.

I don't expect my wedding party to DO anything. I feel like I'M honored that they WANT to be with us on our day.. And none of them have a "job" they are just there to support us, because they are some of our best, closest friends. The second you start feeling entitled as a bride to have your wedding party cater to your needs is, in my opinion, the second a "bridezilla" is born.

I love my friends for wanting to be my bridesmaids, and I'm so thankful that they WANT to and ASK to help me out and be there for certain things.. But I, in no way, expect them to DO anything but be there the day of.

TeeDub - after being on this site for about 18 months, I'm sad to say that there have been some threads where the privilege card was played. I haven't seen it lately, so we have some great, considerate brides on there right now

Ha, Sharon, wanna be a bridesmaid? You can wear the LBD of your choice...

YUP...I'm with you Sharon....being in a bridal party is hard work!! I definitely don't feel like my bridal party should feel honored that I chose them. I do know they're happy to be a part of it, but it isn't an easy job...they have to find a dress that sometimes will be a dress they pay a lot of for and only get to wear it once in their lives, they have to help with the bridal shower and bachelorette and often times pay out of pocket....often time they have to put out a lot of fires, they're usually the ones who listen to you obsess over your wedding on a daily basis, and the ones who have to come along for cake sittings or dress fittings, etc. It's a whole lot of work and I'm just grateful that my bridal party has been so gracious to help me out with this whole wedding planning biz.

@Brian - that's exactly what Rick says.