WR: politely telling someone to shut up & stay out of my business?

Annoyed that they just wont drop it. Then they get deeper. "so how has your relationship been going? I heard you had some issues for a while." - It's fine thank you, we are working on things & doing pretty well, well enough to still want marriage. "counceling can do wonders" - oh yeah but, hey we cant afford it. "well just dont start a marriage when you have problems, it can lead to divorce". OMG!!! At this point I'm not just annoyed, I want to strangle them. Are you F-ing kidding me?! Enough w/this, get out of my business. I was trying to be polite, but I hardly contained myself. I said, look we are handling our business, & when it's right for us to get married, then we will, until then we are happy just being w/each other as is.

Then I walked away. I mean people before have asked one or two questions but then drop it & move on. But NO this A-hole needed detail!

Is there a polite way to say F you & shut the hell up?!

Ok rant over.

I read once that the best way to avoid answering a nosey question is to ask right back -- "Why do you ask?" Most people won't admit that the reason they're asking is because they're nosey, so they'll drop it.

You need at least one snide remark to get themt back off. Who are these busy bodies?

WOW! This is really a conversation you had with someone? UGH! Just say "we decided we wanted to be engaged for longer" If they ask why just say "just because"

I love a good snide remark, but have found the Nancy method is usually more effective.

"Why do you ask?"

If they say something like, "I'm worried about you," just respond that you appreciate their concern but you have things under control. Then change the subject.

If they say something judgmental or intrusive, like, "Because if you don't get married now you never will" or anything about your finances, just give them a surprised look and say, "Wow!"

"Wow" has enormous power. It's polite but still puts people in their places.

I'm with Nancy, the fewer answers you give, the better. The example you gave there were too many answers -- I mean, I understand why, but early on you should have (and in the future) say "Personal reasons I don't want to get into. How about them Bucs?" or something like that.

And I really like the "Why do you ask?" question back to them. If they do answer, just tell them, "Thanks for the concern, but this is really a personal matter that I don't want to discuss."

Or something like that.

Well one was a family friend, the one whom I had this conversation w/coincidentally my mom. She had asked me before about it when we first postponed, but I guess when I had given her a one-liner it wasnt enough info. I was trying to keep from saying it's my mom, cuz I love her & understand maybe she's just looking out for me, maybe she wants to make sure this future son in law is being good to me. But that is the 1st time in a long time I walked away from her, I was so pissed. It's really annoying that she thinks she knows more, which I know she does, but sometimes people just dont understand their knowledge is currently not solicited.

Yeah normally I'd be able to just give a "why do you ask, or personal reasons". But it's my mom. It's so hard just to say no, let alone stop a conversation. Once she gets rolling...

I also hate the fact that in my head I called my mom an A-hole, F-ing noseybody. Makes me feel shamed that I can get so pissed I'm cussing in my head at her.... & for the most part we agree to disagree. It's been along time since I was actually mad at her

...I like "wow". lol....you're right that it has enormous power.

Depending on who these people are would determine how I answer. Regardless of who they are, they shouldn't be prying like that. SO rude and I have no idea why people think they have any right asking those types of questions.

I really can't think of anything else better than what Shannon said.

"Mom, I know you're concerned about us, but really, we are handling things. Please don't worry. How's the new kitchen coming along?"

It's hard to keep things away from your mom (especially since moms seem to have psychic powers!). But when you're married you will have to separate from her a bit to form your own family. So maybe you could consider this a form of practice?

Well for the most part I can keep info from her. I mean for the most part she doesnt know intricate details about my relationship, or other matters. But when she knows something she doesnt hesitate to make a statement. Did the same thing about us living together (in sin!), about my religion (I'm worshipping the devil!) about massage when I first got in school (you quit the Army for that?!) about my job now (are you sure it's enough money?) & on & on. Those are the only times I've gotten upset at her, & I always keep my business away from her if I can help it.

We've already had a riff w/her & my dad when it came time for wedding plans. They wont be in the ceremony cuz it's pagan, & they'll help out for the reception as long as my religion isnt portrayed- I had to detail describe that a masquerade theme had nothing to do w/ my religion....

Just tell them that you strongly believe in keeping what goes between you and your FH. It keeps confusion out of your relationship.

Mom's are mom's. They do and say what they want, and don't know they're pushing boundries.

As for your job and career choice, at least you can't die giving massage! You can definitely die in the army! And the first few years of building clients I hear are the hardest, so you'll be fine and it at some point will be more than enough money if you work at it!

Side note on the job: I've only been there 3 months & yeah building clients is hard, but the money is good enough to where we arent eating mac n cheese & ramen noodles so much anymore lol

Moms are moms lol, I love her & for the most part our relationship is good, enough lol. But when she said all this, days ago, I was just so pissed I couldnt believe I was cussing her out in my head.

If anyone ever says they've never cussed their mom out inside their heads...they are lying! It's totally normal.

"Mom, I know you're asking out of concern and I love you for it, I really do, but you have to trust my choices. Just b/c they're different than what YOUR choices would be does not mean I'm not okay. You raised a smart cookie, and I'm very happy with my life and my relationship. I wouldn't change a thing. Now I'm just done explaining and discussing (the wedding/my job/my religion/my nose ring.) Period. Let's change the subject or I'm hanging up/leaving. Tell me about that new kitchen."

She's probably just badgering you out of love and concern. That's what my mom does anyway. But you don't have to engage in those convos with her if you don't want to. You get to (and you should) draw your own boundaries. That's the best perk of being a grownup IMO. That and the fact that you can eat as much ice cream as you want.

And also one of my friends got sooooooooo frustrated with his 2 year old son that he called the kid a diiiick. Thank god the kid was in the other room. I thought it was about the funniest thing I've ever seen in someone's kitchen. This humongous 6'5" corporate boss guy reduced to expletives by a munchkin with a cupcake. lmao.

Everybody gets frustrated with their family members. It doesn't make you a bad person it just makes you...a person.

Krisalicious: lol true, I love how you explain it. I guess, sometimes w my mom I still feel as tho she's talking to me like a child. I know she's not doing it on purpose, it's just they sheltered me so much (much more apart from my other siblings cuz I was "immature") & I was always so afraid of them, that talking to my mom now, it's like she thinks I'm being rude when really that was as polite as the conversation went & ya'll are saying I was too polite. She's overly sensitive & thinks the moment we disagree we are being mean...

Lol typical mom has to be right lol

She probably does talk to you like a child. My parents respect me but they talk to me like I'm a baby all the time. Or a crappy teenager, depending on the day. It's on me to remind them I'm a grown-up.

I mean, don't be a jerk to her, but it's okay to draw boundaries. Just make sure you explain that you know she loves you, but the constant questioning frustrates you, and you're done.

I've found with my mom that she never stops worrying about things she doesn't understand, but she worries a lot less when she SEES that I'm happy and fine rather than me telling her. Over time, if she sees your relationship is good and you have a good job or whatever, she might ease up on the badgering. Maybe.