would you go to a wedding that is against your religious beliefs?

Yeah now this is going to be a whole other issue. In the past while dating I made clear that I didn't want to have a part of the ceremony and tea. If he goes they will pressure him to drink and he will have broken the promise. They consider everyone non UDV bad and he will probably be shamed

I'm sorry but if he's best man and hadn't told you until just now I'm starting to think he's told you one story about his view on this religion and his family another

He called him today and told my FH that's why my FH told me today . They started planning the wedding two weeks ago and he wedding is in November

There's tea and there's "tea". Kind of like Alice B Toklas brownies! Can't believe anybody would really put nutso drugs in tea. That is why I asked. This can't be legal even with freedom of religion.

I guess it's up to you. Hopefully they won't pressure you in to any of their rituals, but if you really don't feel comfortable going, then don't go.

Do i have this right? You found out today your FH is best man in a ceremony where bride and groom are secretly married for 5 years. You're not comfortable with going (which i understand), You don't trust that he will keep his promise to you & will drink the tea. If he's not UDV he is bad & will be shamed. He doesnt want to follow the religion.

Is it me or does something not add up? I mean, if he's not UDV, is considered bad & will be shamed. Then why the hell is he or would the groom have him shamed knowing it's going to happen?

I would have him truthfully explain his views on this religion. It seems like he's not telling you the whole story. If you don't want future children following the religion you prob should get your religious views straightened out before you get married and have children

Nance pants, this is what you sound like: "I'm sooooo glad I'm the RIGHT religion." Pretty sure that Presbyterian faith teaches you not to be judgmental

@PrettyWitty&Gay: That's how you interpret it. That's not what I said. Read what I typed. Others first.

@Vicki: What did I say that was judgmental? Reread, Love others, put others before yourself and do good works. I did not say I was better than anybody else. How do you get this out of what I said ? You have your own spin on this. Woo. Put some sugar on your cornflakes.

"So glad I am a Presbyterian. No weird tea, no weird rituals"

You are implying that you are fortunate to be a Presbyterian, because your religion doesn't have weird tea and weird rituals.

Sorry but, you aren't fortunate. Religion is a choice. In this country you can choose to be whatever religion you want to be, and you can also choose to be no religion at all. It's a freedom of choice. Because you *choose* to be Protestant, and have no rituals or teas, is YOUR own choice.

It doesn't mean that any other religion is "weird" for doing different. Or that those that follow other religions are not as fortunate as you.

They are, however, fortunate that in this country, they can express their beliefs however they want... even drinking psychedelic tea and getting high for five hours. To each his own.

FWIW, I'm not the only one getting the judge-y vibes from your posts.

Because he is 30 and he's only been to one other ceremony since he was 11. He hasn't told people that he doesn't practice, I think 1/2 because he is scared of the judgement. He has told his mother.

It's 100% legal due to religion, but other wise it's an illegal, control 1 substance . They fought for it because they can't practice without it. They have "studies" that people on the UDC live longer, however the religion was founded 56 years ago and only 17,000 members world wide and most come from a certain part of Brazil

Putting strange stuff in tea is weird to me. However it is a free country and if they want to do that ,it's their choice.

@Nancy, what's strange to you isn't necessarily strange to others. Open up your mind and worldview.

"Would you go to a wedding that is against your religious beliefs?" Of course I would, because, you know, I don't rule the world. If the couple sent me a invitation requesting the honor of my presence", I would attend, unless I was unable to attend. The puking that you speak about? I'd leave the area, but not the wedding.

You, OP, made it clear on July 5 and July 7, that you were fine with hosting a dry wedding, and the more we read, the more we learned that your decision to preclude alcohol was validated by your religious beliefs. Dry weddings are not customary in our country, but you have every right to serve soda or water instead of what's generally expected at a wedding -- which is some form of alcohol. Let's all salute religious freedom...(unless the religion isn't one we embrace?).

Now you're worried about attending a wedding that you say is based on a cult. Then don't go. You just learned your FH is the best man, and apparently, you made it clear that if he decided to honor this "religion", a part of his mother's culture -- one you don't understand and one that is, in your mind, "a cult" -- you could no longer see him. Since you're marrying him, I assume he isn't embracing that religion.

Just don't attend. Not because it's the right thing to do, but because your judgmental attitude would not be welcomed at any wedding, of any denomination, belief, or philosophy.

@Vicki: Get your panties out of a twist . Putting drugs in tea is weird. I follow the Presbyterian Church beliefs. I bet there are other faith based persons here. Just because people have beliefs and standards that they follow doesn't mean it's judgmental, just their beliefs. You can do what you like. I may not agree with what you say and do but it's your life. My neighbors are Mormon and don't drink caffeine or play games with face cards. I do. I know a teacher who allows her kids to call her by her first name. I think this is outrageous but we work together. I also teach my kids to write in cursive. some teachers don't agree. We get along fine. You often overreact to things. Get a grip girl.

I never said I'm having a dry wedding but I would be fine with one. We are having a cash bar and I even asked my FH and parents if we should consider and they shot it down hoping cash bar would defer the flow of alcohol. ( remember my uncle vs cake vs police story ?)

. I said family members don't drink due to religion (UDV don't drink or smoke) but I never said I am having a dry wedding or that I am against alcohol.

You know what? I was going to let this thread slide, but seeing as how it's still going several hours later and I'm full of beer and ice cream I'm feeling frisky.

OP: You say the point of your post is in the title. Welp, then that's the answer I'm going to give you -- yes, I would attend a wedding "against" my religious beliefs. I put quotation marks there because, to me, "against" implies that it's some sort of competition or that you're being forced to do something. I'm Jewish and I live in the buckle of the Bible belt, so if I only went to Jewish weddings...well, I wouldn't have gone to a whole lot of weddings. I've even been in a Catholic wedding, and when it came time for Communion I just kept my happy and supportive ass to the side because that's what friends do for one another. If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't. Simple. The rest of the information is irrelevant since it's nobody's decision but your own.

Nancy: Whenever my students call something "weird" I stop them and ask them to consider their word choice. Just because something is different than the norm doesn't make it weird, since weird has a definite negative connotation. Growing up my classmates thought I was weird for not celebrating Christmas or Easter. Any guesses as to how that made me feel? If you guessed that I felt loved by others and that others were putting me first, you would need to guess again.

PWG/Vicki/Elphaba/LG/Delfina: I'd roll with you bishes anytime.

ETA: Rachel, I'd roll with you too.

L o l

MY panties are in a twist?!

Talk about out of touch with reality...

@Vicki: Go have a glass of wine.

I would definitely be uncomfortable but I wouldn't call out the religion there.

I do love these people, they are part of my new family. His wife converted: she was atheist prior.