Would you consider this cheating?

Wow laura that is so hard.

i guess my thinking is that if my husband was seen doing this i would want to know. i would want him to tell me of course but i would want to know by anyone. (its hard to even think like this because i trust him so much)

if one of my friends saw or knew of my husband doing something that they knew i wouldnt be ok with i would hope they would talk to him and tell him that he needed to change his behavior and let me know about it.

Laura- does your husbands ex-friend know why they arnt friends anymore?? has he confronted him or told him that his behavior is not ok??

ive always wondered how i would go about confronting someome if i had to... i know i would want to be confronted if i was doing something wrong.

It's not cheating at all...but if it was me I'd be very mad. In my case FH doesn't drink so I am safe...lol If he did drink though I wouldn't be as mad. Drinking makes people do the worst things. I know first hand of me and past bf. I would tell him to tell her. She may excuse it this time because he was drunk.

No, it is not cheating in the physical sense. It is, however, cheating in the emotional sense. If my husband made a serious connection with another girl at a party I would be MORE concerned than if he drunkenly made out with some one. Both would hurt and would take a lot of work to get over but the emotional connection he forged with that girl would signify much bigger problems in our relationship then a blackoutmakeout.

I'd want to know too Shell, thats y it's a scary story. But since she already had her doubts but he weaseled out of them I doubt anything I would say could change anything. He would lie and deny and she would believe him like she always has. I would have probably become good friends with her if it wasn't for this. No, my husband didn't tell the guy why he stopped hanging out with him. He just backed off until they don't speak now. This isn't the first time he's had to end a friendship due to the guy being a cheat. It's sad how many guys he's known that have been like this. My DH has really strong beliefs about it but he's not confrontational, he just doesn't want that stuff in his life so he stops talking to the guy. The guy was even a little inappropriate to me at that wedding I met them at!!! Not like grabbing or anything, but made some comments to me that I feel crossed the line, like he was hitting on me the scum bag!

Oh but at the time that it did happen my DH told him it was wrong....the guy wanted my DH to come with him to get prostitutes!! My Hubsand was single at the time was obviously still thought that was disgusting. He did say to the guy "What are you doing? You have a beautiful wife and daughter at home?" But the guy just laughed about it. SO my DH dropped it and stopped talking to the guy

Laura its so sad how many guys cheat particularly in the military when they are away from their wives and families. My FH had a very similar friend. He had a gf in the states who was battling a brain tumor and he took his time assuring her he was faithful and to trust him and everythig and then cheated on her every night with different prostitutes. My FH could not believe it and stopped speaking to him altogether. So glad that you have a DH that has strong morals.

It is sad! My DH says in the military it was like the normal way of life! He hated it and lost a lot of friends because of it. His father left him and his mother for another woman when he was a kid so he sees a married man cheating as one of the most loathsome things you can do. He saw first hand how it destroyed an entire family so he doesn't take it lightly at all.

I wouldn't consider this straight-up cheating, but it's definitely emotional cheating and deception. Both of which are completely unacceptable. It's not your place to tell the wife, but your husband should definitely have a talk with his "friend." If the guy doesn't care, maybe your hubby should let that friendship go.

I don't see hand holding as a big deal at all. I hold hands with a lot of my guy friends and my husband knows this. Especially at night. I more hold their arms though instead of their hands but sometimes if we are drunk holding hands is easier. I know I am and will be in opposition here but I honestly wouldn't care as long as he didn't kiss her.

Hi, just a quick note, Yes it is cheating. That person made a promise to forsake all others. Doesn't he understand that means to Not hold someones hand. Ok, I know this might be the same thing but hear it goes. ..I am a Massage Therapist, but ever since Clint and I started talking he had asked me not to do them any more. I promissed I would not. No matter how much of a hardship it is on me with the reduced income. I still made a promise. A promise is not just words but a way your heart feels about the other person. I could do them and he would never know but I know and that would be brakeing a promise. Just like in a marriage, open or not you don't do that. You should just call her up and ask how she is feeling and tell her she was missed, then bring up the her husband left something at house (make up something). So the wife would ask and then mabye he will be so guilty he will tell her. and you just planted the seed of knowing something happened.

P.S. Miss you all.

Sachele, I don't think it's the issue that this guy held hands with a friend.....he clearly had intent to do more since he didn't let her know he was married, was hitting on her, and walked her home alone. Did he cheat? no. But he is obviously opening the door to inappropriate relationships with women. This dude was not out to make "friends" with a girl for the night. He was drunk at a wedding without his wife and he took advantage of that. If my husband walked one of our friends home of course it'd be fine. But some girl he just met at a wedding while drinking and hit on all night long, and never all night let her know he's married?!?! HELL NO!

Very disrespectful. Has he mentioned anything about issues with his marriage? If so, then don't be suprised again if he pulls some crap like this again in your presence.

Ya know everyone has their line. That's Y I was saying it's important for a couple to openly discuss where they feel that line is. Sometimes you just ASSUME that your partner would never do something you aren't ok with, but unless you've clearly discussed the boundaries how can they know? I know couples who are fine with "harmless" flirting, etc...my husband and I are not. I get all the attention and fulfillment from him and I don't want to ever open the door even a crack for a relationship to start with someone else on any level. But that is OUR marriage, everyone is different. It's fine as long BOTH partners are on the same page with it all. If the husband is being sneaky about it, I don't care what he's doing, it's wrong!

Someone once told me you shouldn't do something you wouldn't do if your significant other was present. I don't think he would be holding hands with a chick he just met if his wife was there. Totally inappropriate

Dee that's always a good rule to follow. I remember when I was bartending at a casino when my husband and I were just dating. I had this one manager who sat in front of me and asked me to rub his shoulders. Now we were both fully dressed in public and it would just be his shoulders so if I had done it would that be cheating? Not at all. BUT I knew that if my husband (then boyfriend) were there he would be upset to see me do that so I said no way. The manager couldn't understand what the big deal was, why I said no way. I said exactly what you just did Dee

My husband is like his dad and likes to make a woman blush by complimenting her or saying something a little out of the norm. For example: his dad had taken us all out to dinner and the waitress (pretty young girl) came up and said "hi, how is everyone tonight?" father in law stated fine, how are you? when she said good he said "ive heard that about you" of course it took her a sec to catch on and we all had a good laugh and had our dinner. my Husband in not quite as bold and wont do it in person but those poor poor girls answering the phone at dominoes... lol. Half the time I am there when he does it and I find it funny and he knows I am ok with it, and also knows where the line is. Its lines that have to be set early.

I agree with Dee!

my FH would never flirt with another girl, and i know he would never hold hands with one!

i dont think its "cheating" really, but i'd be furious, and would def question my FH ability to hold down his alcohol and be around any girls from now on! The trust would be put into question.

@ Shell some people know but don't want to accept the facts. For example my little brother caught my cousins (who was raised like our sister) husband cheating. He told my cousin. She didn't want to believe him. He found out more dirt because this guy was just outrageous and blatantly disrespectful and my brother told my cousin again and she defended her man. Her man finally got sick of my brother telling and attacked him. Of course my brother wasn't having that. Long story short this tore the family apart. As a result we lost the cousin for years...untill she decided to stop putting up w/ the cheating and we welcomed her home.

The cheat test: Would you do this action in front of the significant other? If no, its emotional or physical cheating, and they are both equally damaging to the other person and relationship.

I know a lot of yu are saying its not cheating, but what do you define as cheating? I think anything you have to feel guilty about or cant do in front of your spouse or fiance is cheating. lol..i just read the post before mine..from rev carleen. anyway,i consider it cheating and it could do just as much harm in a relationship as the physical kind of cheating.