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MrsKAllTheWay
Super October 2012

Why you should reconsider sending out save the dates...

MrsKAllTheWay, on June 7, 2012 at 1:37 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 65
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I sent out save the dates a while ago. I've never been married before and I'm one of the first of my friends to get married and I thought it was the "thing to do." However, I'm getting a mixed response from people. Some people are not acknowledging them (which is fine, I didn't really expect to hear anything) but more people than I thought are very confused by them.

I sent them because so many of our friends and relatives are not only coming from out-of-town, but also have weird schedules (nurses, business-owners) so I figured it would give them some extra time to work on getting off. In retrospect, I wish I would have saved the dough (STAMPS! ARGH!) and not sent them.

What has been your experience? Did you send them? Are you planning on sending them? What's your reason for sending them?

65 Comments

Latest activity by Malei, on March 19, 2018 at 6:32 PM
  • Aimee
    Devoted September 2012
    Aimee ·
    • Flag

    I didnt send them out, but it was mainly because we kept going back and forth on people on our guest list and didnt want to be locked into inviting them lol

    • Reply
  • GBAC :)
    Super August 2012
    GBAC :) ·
    • Flag

    Nope didnt send them.. waste of money imo and with technology these days everyone who should know about it have known since we knew

    • Reply
  • A
    VIP December 2012
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag

    What kind of responses are you getting? I am addressing ours this weekend for our 200 guests and buying stamps now I'm scared LOL

    I considered sending ours for the same reasons. For OOT guests and because so many people have odd schedules AND because we are getting married 10 days before Christmas so thats why it was particularly important.

    • Reply
  • Andrene
    Master October 2011
    Andrene ·
    • Flag

    I had the same problem. It's apparently not a common concept in Scotland or Ireland where DH's family is from so many did not get the concept at all. And forget the whole wedding website. Spent all that time putting it together and hardly any of them went to it. Still had to spend time fielding tons of questions from folks.

    • Reply
  • Anonymous
    Savvy September 2012
    Anonymous ·
    • Flag

    In this economy and with people as strapped as they are financially, I can see how sending a Save the Date would be helpful to plan ahead. I was of the mind that my budget and space were so limited that I am kind of banking on some people not being able to come only because we have so many here locally we'd like to include. I really think it's at your discretion. Look on the bright side, at least you can help your friends out as they get married Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • MrsKAllTheWay
    Super October 2012
    MrsKAllTheWay ·
    • Flag

    Most people are really confused by them. They're like, "What the heck is a save the date?" Uhh... it's in the name, lol. "Is this the invitation?" If I had it to do over, I definitely would not have sent them.

    • Reply
  • Andrene
    Master October 2011
    Andrene ·
    • Flag

    LOL @Melanie: That's so true. Many thought that was the invite.

    • Reply
  • Honey B.
    Master May 2012
    Honey B. ·
    • Flag

    I sent out STDs that had photos of us on them with the date & wedding website. A majority of our guests slapped them on their fridge so it was a daily reminder to them about the wedding. Most of our guests really enjoyed the STDs and I think if we didn't send them out then we would have had even less people show up to our wedding.

    • Reply
  • Leisa
    Super March 2013
    Leisa ·
    • Flag

    Here's my issue....we are in NY, getting married in FL. We are inviting a total of 12 couples. I wanted to send save the date cards simply to let them know when the wedding will be so they have time to save and plan if they want to fly down.

    What do you think? Worth it or not?

    • Reply
  • Megan
    Super October 2012
    Megan ·
    • Flag

    We sent them out because 210 of the 250 invited are from out of town ... and we changed our location a month after our Engagement party. I just wanted to give everyone the heads up about the location change since so many are traveling. Looking back, it was a lot of hassle and money that we didn't need to spend. That and my Grandmother commented on how it was so tacky that our wedding invitations were magnets, and did we honestly think that was acceptable? Poor Grandma P got a lecture from my Mom on the latest trends, and then we were praised for how cute they looked. Crazy woman.

    • Reply
  • Nancy Taussig
    Nancy Taussig ·
    • Flag

    Last year, I heard thru the family grapevine that my nephew is getting married this year. I sent him an e-mail asking if we're invited and the date (because I have couples booking me a year plus in advance for their weddings). He replied that, of course, we're invited and told me the date. So, I purposely avoided booking any weddings around "his" date (a popular one). BUT, it didn't feel official until I got a STD from him and his fiancee. His dad (my brother) has saved a room for us at the host hotel. Yet to receive the invitation (probably coming next month).

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  • MrsKAllTheWay
    Super October 2012
    MrsKAllTheWay ·
    • Flag

    @Leisa- In all honesty, I'd skip sending them. I've been doing a lot of research on flights and apparently it's most cost effective to book within 6 weeks of travel. If you send out your invites at the 2- or 3-month mark, people will have plenty of time to book their flights and hotels. Besides, with only 12 couples, why not just tell them personally?

    • Reply
  • Jeremy and Alysha Cooks
    Super December 2014
    Jeremy and Alysha Cooks ·
    • Flag

    FH's family was a little peeved at our Engagement announcements. It stated, 'Engaged' on the front. His dad called me so mad thinking we got married and didn't tell anyone. So, with that little mishap, I am sure FH and I will be skipping on the Save The Date's. Or maybe we will do just a couple for my parents, his mom, and my grandparents. Since I know they would LOVE to have them.

    • Reply
  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·
    • Flag

    Totally worth it Leisa. At least IMO.

    Same as Honey - we sent STDs with photos of us 8 months before the wedding. It gave people time to plan their travels. I know I always appreciate getting them. Our calendar gets really busy, and especially if there's travel involved it's nice to have a heads up to make other plans around it.

    We got some really cute responses to our STDs. We had one person think it was an invitation, but that person just moved here from Russia. Everyone else enjoyed them and said it helped them plan ahead - especially our friends with kids.

    I wouldn't take a lack of response to mean they're not worth it. I don't usually call up a couple the second we get their STD - I just stick it on the fridge and mark my calendar.

    • Reply
  • Kimmi
    Super November 2012
    Kimmi ·
    • Flag

    I sent them because we have a lot of out-of-town guests that really don't stay in "the loop" for when things are happening. For me it was just a way to say "Hey! This is when we are getting married. If you want to come, make sure you keep the day/weekend free."

    We ordered STD's that were magnets so it can be put on the fridge for a reminder.

    I haven't had any problems with mine, although I have heard of some other people's guests getting confused and thinking that the STD was the invitation. Maybe it has to do with the wording?

    We made sure to state that a formal invitation were to follow, and to put our wedding website on it as well so that our guests could get more information if they did happen to get confused. Here are ours...


    • Reply
  • Christa
    Expert August 2012
    Christa ·
    • Flag

    STD = an invitiation to the invitation. IMO, ridiculous and unnecessary. Our guests are friends and family that we see on a regular basis, so we just spread the word at get togethers. But because we are having a summer wedding, we sent the invitations out 10 weeks early to allow our guests additional time to make arrangements.

    • Reply
  • Rae
    Master October 2012
    Rae ·
    • Flag

    We are having a destination wedding and we sent out STDs 1 year in advance to give people plenty of time to save and arrange travel. We had really cute STDs and people really liked them.

    • Reply
  • Shellie
    VIP July 2012
    Shellie ·
    • Flag

    We did send them out. A couple people where confused, a lot of people didn't respond, but really we didn't spend much on them. I liked them. And it was nice to send out the pictures with them because some of our family had never meet the other person.

    Though I agree about the website- no one has looked at mine. They ask me questions and I tell them that info is on the website and they are like, 'what website?" oi vey!

    • Reply
  • Ms. M
    VIP December 2012
    Ms. M ·
    • Flag

    Devin, our guests haven't had any problems. We sent them out in April (getting married same day as you, and sent them for the same reasons). The STD magnet included the phrase 'formal invitation to follow.' In our circle, however, they are a common thing. Not sure if that helps Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Jen H.
    Master October 2012
    Jen H. ·
    • Flag

    I sent them out because a vast majority of our guests are out of state. I wanted them to have the time to plan time off or save money for the trip. We didn't get any questions about them, I think FH's best man made the comment of "oh you're doing things all official this time?" lol. So it's up to you, if you have internet contact with all your guests (we do not) maybe just sending an email or message on facebook would suffice to make sure the people important to you know you're date. =)

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