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Super October 2012

Why you should reconsider sending out save the dates...

MrsKAllTheWay, on June 7, 2012 at 1:37 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 65

I sent out save the dates a while ago. I've never been married before and I'm one of the first of my friends to get married and I thought it was the "thing to do." However, I'm getting a mixed response from people. Some people are not acknowledging them (which is fine, I didn't really expect to hear...

I sent out save the dates a while ago. I've never been married before and I'm one of the first of my friends to get married and I thought it was the "thing to do." However, I'm getting a mixed response from people. Some people are not acknowledging them (which is fine, I didn't really expect to hear anything) but more people than I thought are very confused by them.

I sent them because so many of our friends and relatives are not only coming from out-of-town, but also have weird schedules (nurses, business-owners) so I figured it would give them some extra time to work on getting off. In retrospect, I wish I would have saved the dough (STAMPS! ARGH!) and not sent them.

What has been your experience? Did you send them? Are you planning on sending them? What's your reason for sending them?


  • Mrs. B for real :)
    VIP September 2012
    Mrs. B for real :) ·
    • Flag

    We sent them since we're getting married in a popular month. I actually had 2 people tell me they were already booked by the time we sent out our STDs. Some of the older folk thought they were the invites, but they had "Formal invitation to follow" also this was a way to get our more tech saavy guests our website info since IMO its tacky to put it on the invite itself.

    We used one of our engagement pics and I have gotten loads of postiive feedback about it.

    • Reply
  • Travis's Girl
    VIP October 2012
    Travis's Girl ·
    • Flag

    We sent ours out about 2-3 months ago,and all of our guests really appreciated them since we also have a lot of crazy scheduling. Some did get confused, thinking that they were the actual invitation.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP October 2012
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    We sent ours but only because it was a DW and we wanted people to have enough time to plan. I know that we would not have sent them if we had our wedding at home.

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    We didn't send them. First off, I'm old enough not to think of them as traditional. And second, I didn't see the point. We let the people we really cared about having at our wedding know early when it would be, through e-mails or phone calls. For the rest, we figured they weren't going to plan their schedules around our wedding, anyway. Plus, I've just heard too many horror stories of people who send out STDs, and then are locked into a guest list they find they can't really afford.

    When my daughter was dithering over her guest list, I suggested that she at least not send them to anyone who lived locally. Those people don't need to know more than a couple of months in advance. And if she didn't send them to any of her local friends, then it would be a lot less obvious if there were some that they decided to invite (or not invite) last minute.

    • Reply
  • Marzena
    Super August 2012
    Marzena ·
    • Flag

    I was going to send them and as I was in the process of picking them out I realized it was a waste of money bc everyone that we were inviting knew about the wedding and when it was. Saved me about $150 & the cost of postage! Im glad I didn't make them.

    • Reply
  • NowI'mMrs.B.
    Super April 2013
    NowI'mMrs.B. ·
    • Flag

    I originally wasn't going to send any but my MOH pointed out that because we're getting married on a Friday people might need to request the time off from work so this will give them ample time to do so. We don't have any OOT guests, so I'm sending mine out four months in advance.

    • Reply
  • Mrswilson2012
    VIP December 2012
    Mrswilson2012 ·
    • Flag

    We sent ours about 15 months before the wedding because we are having a DW. We had 32 people book just off of the STD, before we even mailed out our invites. So they were super helpful in our case! It gave our guests plenty of time to plan, save and prepare for the wedding & they really appreciated it!

    • Reply
  • M.S.P.D
    Master August 2012
    M.S.P.D ·
    • Flag

    I just sent out my invites pretty early so that people had time to plan because it is a DW. We didn't send out save the dates in advance and no one complained. We did however include a save the date magnet in with our invites.

    But like I said I sent out my invites early.

    It saved a ton on postage.

    • Reply
  • Jamie Q.
    Master May 2013
    Jamie Q. ·
    • Flag

    I think they are worth it! Our hotel books up early because it is small so we want people to know to book early if they want to stay there, that and I have spread the word to everyone about when it is and no one remembers minus family. So this way you have a reminder to stick on the fridge or by your calander. I can't understand someone not knowing what a save the date is... it's really common. Unless you left off the ever important FORMAL INVITATION TO FOLLOW, which then I can understand the confusion.

    • Reply
  • Just Reenski
    Master December 2012
    Just Reenski ·
    • Flag

    We got little magnets to give to our family members only (including my family in PR) so they could start planning. Last month, we did an email STD to our friends that we know for sure we will be able to invite.

    I think whether or not STD's are worth it depends on your crowd and wedding situation. And I think you should be smart about who you send it to (don't send it too early, particularly before you have a venue/food cost to know people fit in your budget), and smart about how you send it (my friend and I both sent them via email, her's from

    • Reply
  • J
    Devoted December 2012
    Janet ·
    • Flag

    No time or energy for regrets girl just move forward and keep enjoying the wonderful experience of being engaged...they will figure it out later, youve introduced something new to them lol

    • Reply
  • WasSoon2BMrsSmith
    Master September 2010
    WasSoon2BMrsSmith ·
    • Flag

    I don't understand why people would be confused by them.

    Ours were simply like an engagement announcement with where to get more info.

    Kristina&Kent are getting married, date, year, in ____ town. visit for more info,

    formal invite to follow.

    No one was confused and many people commented on how much they loved teh website. We only sent them to people who have to travel the wedding (my family, and our friends who are playing music for our wedding) We didn't send them to all of our friends incase we changed our mind on anyone, and we didnt send them to his fam cause his fam doesn't have to travel.

    Also it only cost us about $20 we had 4 per page colour printed on glossy paper at Staples and only needed to send about 20 so what ever the $5 for printing and 69cents time 20 invites

    • Reply
  • Pan
    Master March 2012
    Pan ·
    • Flag

    Save the dates aren't as common as you think. It's a pretty new trend. If no one else you know has gotten married recently, or not many have gotten married within the last decade, than they won't really know what they are.

    • Reply
  • FutureMrsGarguilo
    Super July 2014
    FutureMrsGarguilo ·
    • Flag

    I plan to send them because I'm having a destination wedding. Mine will include information to help them book flights and hotels.

    If my wedding was in my home state (FH's family is also from here) I wouldn't send them. But people in his family are aware of what they are. It is a pretty common part.

    • Reply
  • Heidi
    Expert May 2013
    Heidi ·
    • Flag

    I personally prefer a save the date because of how far in advance you send them vs how fairly close to the ceremony you send invitations.

    • Reply
  • Hope
    Expert November 2012
    Hope ·
    • Flag

    I do have a lot of state guests but that's not why we did them. I love my STDs and wanted to send them out because I wanted my friends and family to be a part of my day from the beginning. I ordered them as magnets in the shape of a maple leaf because our theme is "we've fallen in love". I got A LOT of positive feedback and only had 1 person think it was the invitation. Generation gap I guess. You should post a pic so we can see your STDs.

    • Reply
  • Joanne
    Super October 2013
    Joanne ·
    • Flag

    I used them. We sent them out to everyone so that they could access the website for travel info. The magnet STDs were excellent. Everyone has them on the fridge. Also, the perk is, I will only be sending invites to those who booked traveling arrangements for our destination wedding.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.
    Super October 2011
    Mrs. ·
    • Flag

    I loved my STDs. We of course put pictures on ours and like others said, it is nice for people who may not be very familiar with the person you are marrying. We had a picture on ours from when we first got together back in 2003! And it showed people how long we have been together. I don't feel they are a waste of time or money. I would suggest to anyone to do them.

    It does help people to plan ahead. Saying it is the invitation to the invitation, yah that is true. It is more like an informal fun invitation. Ours said "formal invitation to follow" right on there so people knew that wasn't the invitation. We got nothing but good comments on ours.

    If you are on the fence about doing them, go with it. Have fun designing them. They are meant to be fun and informal. Save the fancy stuff for the real invitations. And if people give you crap about them, oh well.

    • Reply
  • Uhura526
    Expert April 2013
    Uhura526 ·
    • Flag

    I'm with the destination wedding crew. I think Save-the-Dates are absolutely essential if you are doing a destination wedding. People need to plan and this sort of "plants the seed" for them to be aware that yes, you are going to get invited, so you better get your bikini and speedos ready for next Spring and pay down your credit card cuz you are going to need it to book that flight and hotel! lol

    • Reply
  • B'Loved
    VIP November 2013
    B'Loved ·
    • Flag

    FH and I are sending STD to our out-of-town guests (2 hours and more) and out-of-state guests and guests who have weird work schedules (lawyers, 1 doctor and several guests who have their own business) only. Our guest list is 250, but will only need to send 30 STDs.

    FH and I are going to DIY the STD (pray for us) and have determined we will need $15 for postage photo paper (5 x 7) is $24 and envelopes $15

    • Reply

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