Why is it always about the bride??

(cont.)

No opinion, but for the most part, he is completely hands on. I know that it’s because he is for sure that all the planning has made me blow some kind of internal wire and he’s afraid that if he leaves it to me that our wedding will be a circus, but I don’t care – he’s involved and telling me what he wants, so I’m happy and he is too… and I’ll fess up to tricking him into helping one day…perhaps on our 50th anniversary,

My FH doesn't want to help plan. What ever you want. I ask him do something. I get ' I worked all day. Can't you do it/. No fool I been doing things all week and work.

It is usually about the bride because the groom usually isn't bothered by decor decisions, etc.

I am very surprised/impressed on how much my fiance wants to be involved in every detail.

To be quite frank- my FH is all for the stigmas and poor mental concepts of society! He is very happy with the fact that he only needs to supply me with a smile, a supportive nod, and a "oh that's nice honey!" He has no issues with not being the center of concentration for this wedding and he is more than happy to let me do the worrying and fussing. I think his biggest concern thus far is "how much does it cost?" ,"Will they have chicken?", and "Will it be on a game night?"

I hate constantly hearing my FH say "I don't care, its your day, you decide. "

Well its his wedding too and I want him to also like everything....a little help with decisions would be nice lol. He is great about coming to things with me he just doesn't want to make decisions beyond our decision on our venue, food and alcohol

The fact that most grooms are not obsessed with cute table signs, and do not spend hours researching the difference between aqua and turquoise table runners, doesn't mean they do not care about the wedding. Nor does it mean that the day is not equally about them.

My H didn't make many design choices in our home, although we bought our furniture together, but he loves having a nice place to live. He rarely does grocery shopping, but loves having a dinner on the table when he comes home.

It's frustrating, no doubt. But I think it's just another gender stereotype. Like when you're buying a car, he supposed to care about the car, and the woman is just supposed to care about the color.

Our team effort was about 70/30 also. He got to choose the cake, the topper, helped pick out the invites and word them, he picked the favors, I got his opinion on everything that wasn't a surprise. He even made the baskets for the bubbles. I did have little things worked into the decor that I didn't tell him about and he was totally blown away because he knew I did it for him. He was always on my mind with every decision I made, because it was about us, not me.

But yeah, most guys don't want to get that heavily involved. I even made sure to check in with him every so often to make sure I was including him enough and that he was happy with the way things were falling into place.

OMG Mrs S, when I take H to the grocery store we end up spending like $100 and all we have to show for it is Red Bull, Doritos, bread, and $20 worth of random organic (aka "healthy") snacks that will inevitably go into the trash b/c he won't like them.

Careful what you wish for when it comes to your H having opinions about wedding stuff. My H started getting into random wedding decor details after the fact and it drove me nuts. Example - I asked him about colors, he said, "I don't care, do what you want." I brought home yellow ribbons for the favor boxes. He saw them and said, "Ohh...I thought you were going with butter yellow." I glared at him. He said, "What? I thought you wanted me to have an opinion!"

@#$*.

OK I just got home from work and was able to read all of these comments- all very interesting and all pretty helpful- at least I'm not alone in a lot of this!

I kind of like what you did Kat H... in an evil sort of way haha- I'm wondering if that would work on my FH...

Still, in the end, it would be nice if people recognized the grooms a little more. I know (personally) that my FH hates the spotlight... but I'm not big on it either and would much prefer if we could share it a little bit more- make it OUR day... not mine.

My FH doesn't want to be involved in all the little details - he knows I'm a control freak and I want to take care of all that stuff. When it comes to decisions, I give him a few options and he says "I like this one" and the decision is made. So he gives some input, but I give him the options - and I only give him options that I like. In the end, we're both happy

FH is pretty laid back when it comes to planning he trusts my decisions and budgeting. Although I have to say we were meeting with our videographer yesterday (he's still pretty new) and I told him if we were satisfied with the results I would give him a good review on WW. The videographer was like whats WW? (smh) FH starts saying oh its this amazing site, she on it all time,all te brides are so helpful, and give each other advice and the site helps brides find vendors in their area. My jaw couldve dropped, lol I never realized he was really listening when I read some of the posts out loud!

Every suggestion my FH makes I support so that he will be able to see himself in the wedding too (he chose the 1st dance, designed the map cards, he's wearing the Guyabera shirts he wanted, I'm even allowing a Slayer song during the reception). But the media and wedding industry is always going to focus on the bride because we are the ones who are going to melt over the though of chiffon overlays and embossed escort cards and dish out the dollars.

My groom hadn't even seen our venue until about two weeks ago. (We booked it before we were even engaged.) The only thing he wanted input on was the music, and I left that totally up to him. He has his way of making his wants known. I wouldn't have chosen our venue, but he talked me into it.

I agree w/ Kris in saying, "Be careful what you wish for." My DH was all over the planning. Hell, he did the DOC's job on the day of.

Being an older couple that was married before, my 64 year old energizer bunny of a hubbie was very hands on in the planning. I never asked if he was just as involved the first time around. Somehow, I suspect he wasn't because back then, it was not the thing to do. Initially, even the smallest purchase involved a phone call. We usually do everything together, but it became a major PITA. I value his opinion, but sometimes when it is a sale item, AND I have a coupon, someone just has to make a split second decison. lolol Eventually, he grew tired of the weekly trips to Michaels. He will be very happy when Cate's wedding is over and he no longer has to either come inside with me for an opinion because I am obsessing over the correct shade of pink for a favor box, or sit in the car waiting for me to finish obsessing over that pink.

LMAO at food shopping with the DHs or FHs. DH actually does eat those healthy organic snacks, but they are so darn expensive, and they never have a coupon. If it isn't healthy stuff, than it is the stinky old man Italian cheese.....sharp provolone, or proscuitto, genoa salami and fresh olives. UGGGG The man woudl kill for the stuff I call, "Old Italian Man". I am the one who would bring home a cart full of Double Stuffed Oreos, Doritoes and Diet Pepsi.

DH is having some health issues lately and his doctor told him he had to avoid all fresh fruit/vegies, nuts, whole grain breads and pastas, etc and return to white bread, white rice, and white pasta. Hell, even I think white bread is gross. He doesn't know what to do with himself.

Well, our wedding was totally focused on the brides, but that was because we didn't have a groom! LOL

But more seriously, it bugs me as well. It seems to me part of the whole culture that says that relationships and babies define a woman, while work defines a man. And of course, it becomes circular. When weddings are defined as a woman's thing, the aspects of weddings that are female centered (the dress, the flowers, etc.) get emphasized, leading men to have little interest. And then this lack of interest is used as a reason not to market wedding-related stuff to men.

I thinks things have changed a little over the years. The first time I was married my ex didn't have anything to do with the wedding and he didn't want anything to do with it. When I went to shows with my BM's it really was a girls day out and all focus was on the bride. If there was a guy at a show they were definitely out of place.

I think that is still true to a degree but I think there are more guys out there that are making a stand in what they want in their wedding. I know mine is. He is great at DIY projects and if there is something that needs painted or cut with a saw etc... he is right there figuring it out with me. He also enjoyed some of the shows. Now most of that was the food and cake but hey I'll take it.

2d bride you're right- and Stephanie it's nice to see the change in pace even if it's slight. I guess the best way is to figure out what means most to him and make sure it's there- that way when people ask I can say- AJ picked that out!

My FH could careless about wedding details! His focus is the honeymoon! LOL