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Nicole S. (formerly Nicole C)
Master October 2013

Why is it always about the bride??

Nicole S. (formerly Nicole C), on June 22, 2012 at 1:36 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 40
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Just taking a little lunch break so I can't respond until later- but honestly I want to know if there is anyone else out there as frustrated as I am that typical culture focuses completely on the bride's wants/needs. It's like the groom doesn't even exist and even if he does it doesn't matter.

Just curious to hear others thoughts/opinions- you can be honest and say I'm completely off the mark... but its just something that has really been frustrating me.

Hope everyone is having a splendid Friday and no one is dying from the heat wave!

40 Comments

Latest activity by Marlo, on June 23, 2012 at 4:18 PM
  • Donna
    Super September 2013
    Donna ·
    • Flag

    In the words of one of my fav Bridezillas (lol) "It's here comes the bride. I never heard anybody say here comes the groom." hahaha

    I think it's just that way because most men don't obsess and dream about weddings the way women do. For many families, weddings go hand in hand with children. So again, the woman is the focus.

    • Reply
  • Lindsay
    Devoted August 2012
    Lindsay ·
    • Flag

    I agree. I think it is just because most men don't care too much about the details.

    • Reply
  • Lindsay
    Devoted August 2012
    Lindsay ·
    • Flag

    I agree. I think it is just because most men don't care too much about the details.

    • Reply
  • Dminted*Bride
    VIP May 2016
    Dminted*Bride ·
    • Flag

    My FH is DIYing and throwing in his two cents where ever he can. And though I am just as excited about my wedding as any other bride, I know that when it comes it isn't just MY day, it will be HIS day too....so many vendors, friends and family, and even brides seem to forget the groom in the hustle and bustle of it all.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Devoted June 2013
    Kelly ·
    • Flag

    LOL I know right! But you do need to try, and I say try because some groomes just don't know what to do or how to do it. But you really should try to get him involved in the planning process. It isn't just YOUR day it is HIS too. And guys won't admit it but they want you to make them feel special too. LOL So ask his opinions and try to get him to go with you when you look at decorations and other things.

    • Reply
  • STB MRS. M!!
    Super September 2012
    STB MRS. M!! ·
    • Flag

    I know what you mean I wonder the same thing!! It is about BOTH partners involved....

    But, then I come to my senses lol and realize my groom wants nothing to do with the planning, he doesn't care about flowers, food, invites, or dress colors!! He wants it to be the wedding I want, and he wants to be my husband! He is the one that wanted a bigger wedding setting, but doesn't want to help plan. He wants me happy, because it's like they say "happy wife, happy life" So maybe they took a poll or something and realized that men could care less so they just say the bride?!?!?!?!?!

    Curious on other views as well Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Soon to be Mrs R
    VIP June 2012
    Soon to be Mrs R ·
    • Flag

    Because in some cultures the man doesn't have a role in planning. He just wears a tux and stands there. While the bride buys the nice dress, HMU done.

    • Reply
  • Nicole S. (formerly Nicole C)
    Master October 2013
    Nicole S. (formerly Nicole C) ·
    • Flag

    Well I've tried to include him but he wants no part of it because he's told (by society) that his opinion doesn't matter. He trained his brain into thinking he doesn't have to lift a finger!

    Not to mention all the girlfriends, aunts, co-workers that tell us if I want to do something that it doesn't matter what he thinks. I think that's terrible.

    • Reply
  • Donna
    Super September 2013
    Donna ·
    • Flag

    Lol @ wear this, stand here. My FH gets excited about what excites me. He knows I love surfing the web and bargain hunting (I'm a pro! lol) I made sure to take time looking at suits and shoes, what color vest he wants, his pampering day- facial, mani-pedi, massage, getting rid of those greys in his eyebrows(!) lol But it's still like 70/30.

    • Reply
  • Aimee
    Devoted September 2012
    Aimee ·
    • Flag

    I wish the focus was more on the groom, I'm sick of feeling like its all on my shoulders! My FH helps if I force the issue, but to quote him "I bought the ring, I did my part" ugh!

    • Reply
  • STB MRS. M!!
    Super September 2012
    STB MRS. M!! ·
    • Flag

    Agree Aimee A!!! ^^^^ LMAO!!!!

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Super September 2012
    Sara ·
    • Flag

    The cultural stigma is something he might just have to look past- you're not asking him to pick out the underware for your bridesmaids, just his opinions on food, venue, decor, colors of his suit/tux. He has every right to care about those details- but I'm sure, he could care less the shade of pink your shower cup-cakes frosting will be or the exact wording of the invitations, or if you decide to go w/ecru or ivory for the menu's on your tables. There's a middle ground for this stuff, no doubt.

    And the wedding if "for" the bride, the honeymoon is "for" the groom. Smiley smile At least I think I've heard that somewhere before....

    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Expert September 2012
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    $$$$$$$$

    It gives women a reason to splurge on crap they don't really need. I hate this mentality.

    • Reply
  • M.S.P.D
    Master August 2012
    M.S.P.D ·
    • Flag

    I think it's cultural.

    What are you ladies doing to include your groom and his taste in the wedding?

    • Reply
  • Nay-Nay
    VIP January 2020
    Nay-Nay ·
    • Flag

    Yeah I definitely agree!!! I wish it wasn't that way and that's why I always try to involve FH with the wedding. People always constantly say it's your day and I go nooo!!! It's our day!!!!! It's not just all about me I don't want it to be all about me....FH doesn't really care too much about the small details as me but I always ask his opinion on things because I really do care and want him involved as much as me

    • Reply
  • Just Reenski
    Master December 2012
    Just Reenski ·
    • Flag

    My FH literally just wants to show up and stand there. I've asked his opinion, taken him on venue tours, and he really just doesn't care. He'd get married in his backyard - as he said, my parents and I wanted a wedding, not him, but he'll do it because it makes me happy and he's not paying for it.

    Good for you ladies who have FH's that help and give opinions! I think part of the reason that I've simplified as much as possible for my wedding is due to him not helping. Eh, it is what it is.

    Oh, but, yeah, there should be equal focus on both the bride and groom, or a split to their interests: maybe the groom cares more about the food than the decor, and vice versa, play to your strengths. And vendors need to try to include both parties (and parents, if applicable).

    • Reply
  • sundaycupcake
    VIP October 2013
    sundaycupcake ·
    • Flag

    It's not that people don't care about the groom, it's that the groom is indifferent to wedding planning. Many grooms could elope and be perfectly happy. They just want to be married. It's women who want the dress, the flowers, the cake, etc.

    If FH had his way, he said he'd show up like this to the wedding... Hence I have taken over the planning process.


    • Reply
  • FallBride
    Super October 2012
    FallBride ·
    • Flag

    I guess that's what society expects. It is supposedly what every woman dreams of (though I never dreamed of my wedding as a young girl, not even as a teenager. The first time I stopped to actually think about what my wedding would look like was when I had the ring).

    Then again, I don't know many men who would be into the whole wedding planning. It takes a lot of patience, organization, etc etc.

    With that being said, I do remind him that it is OUR day and that his opinion is very important to me Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • krisalicious
    Master April 2012
    krisalicious ·
    • Flag

    I think there's a light side and a dark side.

    Dark side: vendors market to brides b/c most men do not give a crap and will not spend money on "pretty" things. And then brides get excited and grooms pat them on the head and indulge them like children, and people start clucking around brides like hens, and then the bride gets convinced it's her day and ends up on Bridezillas and then women are set back about a millennium.

    Light side: I think most guys are excited but aren't convinced it's "cool" or "manly" to care about it, so they focus on the cool, manly stuff - the bar, the music, the HM. Also I do know my H put a year of thought, research, and planning into the ring and proposal - by the time we got engaged he was exhausted. Smiley smile And he really just assumed I had been dreaming of my wedding day all my life b/c I have lady parts, and he wanted me to be happy. I had to convince him otherwise before he would step up and help.

    • Reply
  • Dminted*Bride
    VIP May 2016
    Dminted*Bride ·
    • Flag

    M.S. P - My FH wasn't involved at first and I was really frustrated about it; no matter what I did, he just seemed to shrug his shoulders and say to just pick whatever. I hated it because I wanted our wedding to represent us, not just me. So finally I started picking the worst (and I mean REALLY awful) stuff I could find and at completely outrageous prices. I would show it to him and be like, "Honey, isn't it wonderful?" The first few times he kinda crinkled his nose but was like, "um...yeah, it's okay"... then after about a week of terrible suggestions, he just couldn't handle it any more and became more involved, lol. He has designed our ribbon escort card boards that he researched online, picked out colors and laces, and put together almost as many DIY projects as I have. He tells me what he thinks about cakes, venues, menus, and favors (usually without me ever having to ask). Every once and awhile I'll ask him something, like "should we do this or that?" and he'll have (cont.)

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