Why do most men not want much do with planning?

My FH cares about what things cost (i.e., sticking to our budget or close to it). He cares about food, alcohol, and the venue that we chose, but everything else is up to me. I will probably show him two or three examples of invitations or something that I like and ask his opinon, but that's it. He gets a little bit of input and I get what I want. It's great.

I have had a couple of grooms who planned everything. One bride was in the midst of getting her doctorate, the other traveled out of the country a lot on business.

I have a tip sheet that I send to my grooms and that seems to help.

Following up on what Nancy T said, a lot of it is because they can. We've got women socialized to believe that the wedding day is this hugely important thing, and that it will be a disaster if it doesn't go perfectly. So if the groom drags his feet on planning, the bride generally just starts doing it--and probably still giving him choices on anything he cares about. So if he gets what he wants, and doesn't have to work for it, why should he bother being involved?

If the bride just said, "Okay, we're not having a wedding until you take on responsibility for at least half the work," grooms would get involved. But typically, only if the bride is getting her doctorate or traveling out of the country (so she has an "excuse" for not shouldering the brunt of the wedding planning) will she do that.

Men realize that women plan for this day most of their lives and I think they just want to make you happy but the same as your probably don't get to excited that his favorite football/baseball/hockey player was traded he isn't going to get excited about flowers and colors.

I think also some times they are scared to offer their opinion because planning a wedding is a "girl thing" maybe ask him some elements he wants in the wedding instead of saying "what do you think about this" say things like "what do you want to see on our wedding day?"

Thanks ladies on your opinions, I agree with every one of you.

(:

I think that he will come around and help a little more as it gets closer.. that's just the person he is. & if he doesn't at least I got those few opinions and him planning the honeymoon.

But if he's standing at the altar that day, then it will all be worth it no matter how much he helped me plan.

Same reason they don't really care that much about dresses or other pretty things. Most of a traditional wedding is pretty fluff, so most men don't care about those things.

My Fh actually helps with it but it's mostly in my hand but if I ask for help or an opinion he is happy to help. He does however want a say in the food and desserts LOL

Very true @Pan,

and @Jennifer how funny. Typical man.

The wedding is not supposed to be a surprise party for the groom!

Tell him his ideas and opinions are valued! Its kind of pulling teeth with my FH also. But I know that I have to present things a little at a time and few and far between to get a response from him...lol

I feel the exact same way Lena, and I agree with you! (:

The grass is def greener on the other side. My hubbie helped me with every tiny detail. I couldn't make a simple decision like which color votive holder we should use without him. It was pretty annoying to have to take a pic and send it to him on any decision. Also,he wanted to go to Michaels to pick things out but then would get seriously grumpy when I would just wander the aisles to get ideas.

I value my hubbie's opinion. I love that he was the one who found the dress for me. I love that he helped the DOC set up. I loved the DIY Mrs. M hanger. I loved that he used car race striping to gold rim our programs. However, I hated the micromanaging.

I guess sometimes we have to take the good with the bad.

I would give him a project. Let him accomplish it, and then work it one project at a time.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice. & for the good luck.

I told him before he left for work..

"Z, I would really love it if when you're at work, if you could think of at least one thing you would like to do to incorporate your personality into our wedding."

(:

Let's see if he has any answers on his lunch break.. lol.

Looking at a lot of the posts on WW, it's no surprise that grooms don't give a damn about the wedding..because as soon as they give their option and the bride decides she doesn't like it, he gets overruled anyways. If I knew that'd be the reaction I'd get, I'd shut up about it to and go along for the ride so I don't have to deal with the arguements. My FI doesn't really care about colors as long as I don't have him running around in pink and he could care less about what flowers are attached to him or on our tables. The boy likes food so he wants to make sure he gets his input there. He also went to school for photography so he gets the reins on that as well. I think it's the ability to give him the chance to make his own decision on something he truely cares about and not second guess him on it either. Considering most weddings decisions are based on decor, it's only natural that unless you have a man that likes to decorate things, he won't be that interested.

@SXC

That's very true.

My Fh is in charge of finding/picking the DJ and the transportation. He also will give a opinion if I ask (he can't be watching tv tho). He sometimes mumbles about going to meet vendors but if he doesn't go with me he'll bombarded me with a hundred questions.

BmoreBride, aww,(:

that's nice of him to want to be involved.

My husband didn't have opinions-- till I picked things out, *then* he'd say 'no'. Didn't even want to come cake tasting (who doesn't want to eat cake?!), and we even had one absurdly huge fight about the processional, but we muddled through the fight, found the humor, and really loved the compromise we came up with (the wedding party walked to "The Imperial March' from "The Empire Strikes Back'-- I walked to Vivladi). To answer your question-- I think they honestly don't care. As long as their bride and the officiant show up, they're happy.

@ Zoe, I agree with you. The first part sounds just like my FH.(:

haha. Like I said before, I guess it's all worth it as long as he is at the altar. & wanting to still spend the rest of their life with you. I am hoping my FH will help plan a little more as time progresses, he's is SLOWLY getting better,

What a great idea to have him plan the honeymoon! I love that.

I’m in the same position as you. FH isn’t much into the planning. I ALWAYS ask his opinion on things and 90% it’s “ok babe.” But every once in a while he has a suggestion or issue with something I picked, and I’m like whoa, where did you come from? Could’ve used that opinion 1 month ago, but thanks. Haha.

But anyway. Just involve him as much as you can. If he shrugs, in my opinion that’s his way of showing he approves, and that's how I would take it. I don’t doubt some way through the planning process he will have some type of opinion and you’ll be like “couldn’t you just shrug?”

Anyway! Happy planning, cute idea having him do the honeymoon : )

My FH is helping in everything and I thought he wouldn't care. He even wants to go with me to look for vases for our centerpieces! It really helps to have him there helping me out and supporting me. But we had a deadline we had made for ourselves and it was to find our venue by the beginning of November. That was the most stressful for me, and that is also when FH got super busy at work and kind of fell off the wagon a little bit. I didn't know he was so busy at work and because of the stress I broke down and cried because of lack of support. I think maybe you should talk to your FH and let him know how you feel before you have a break down like I did.

What my FH told me is that he was going to be there to help me with everything but if I wanted him to pay special attention to something to send him an email and share it with him in his google calendar so he wouldn't forget. He said he was there to help but ultimately I was the boss and he was there to help my dreams come true. And has kept his word to this day and is great at helping! I feel so blessed!