Why do most men not want much do with planning?

My FH never gave anything and I don't consider it "my" day but "our" day so I was the same a little annoyed he wasn't putting in his opinions. I think what really helped is doing a tour of the potential venue and pinterest. He set up an account and I told him every once in a while go to the wedding tab and pin stuff you like. I also think some men don't have confidence in their taste and that their ideas will be rejected.

Just tell him that this is something you can both have a say in and you would like to see his personality show in some of the wedding design

Great advice. Thank you!

I told him I want him to do SOMETHING for the wedding that only he will come up with ideas for, and he basically said he didn't really care what went into the wedding. Which kind of aggrivated me. :/

But he has been doing a little better because I have been more pushy to make him answer his opinion. Because it's our wedding, not mine, like you said you felt like.

Aw, frustrating... but that does sound like a good compromise... just make sure he WANTS to do the honeymoon planning. If he doesn't, it might not get done and you may have to look over his shoulder/breathe down his neck about it, and a may cause a bit of tension. Make sure to tell him how important his input is to you, and how much it means to you to have him help plan a wedding that both of you will love. And honestly... some men/people just don't have preferences when it comes to certain things. Design/planning doesn't come naturally to a lot of people, and sometimes they're just not interested in it.

That being said, design/planning is something that is very important to both my FH and me. It's great because we come to decisions together and get to plan together... but it can also be a curse because we have very strong opinions, and we consider ourselves lucky when we agree easily, right away on something. He's going to USC for a graduate program so we don't have much time together at all... so not much time to plan. I'm cleverly impulsive and he's an in-depth analyst when it comes to decision making.... so it can drive me up the walls sometimes, waiting for him to form his opinion. It can be enlightening though, because his thinking can lead us to options we've never even considered.

Anyway, best of luck!

@ Amber, he did agree to plan the honeymoon, this is very important to me that we are both happy with it so I made sure he was okay with it.

That is so cool that your FH and yourself are that way.
I bet that is very fun to plan together like that!
Even though my FH is being this way, at least I know he is excited about the wedding still, and AT LEAST I have seen some progress. Our wedding is still 516 days away so I think once it gets closer he will get more into it, because he is an opinionated person. I have noticed in the past few years that he is the kind of person who doesn't really get excited until an event is much closer, hes like that with vacations, with anything.. so I'm HOPING when our date gets closer he will become more opinionated and helpful. In fact I'm 95% sure he will, but only time will tell... lol. And thanks, best of luck to you too I bet your wedding will be beauitful.

I heard this too from a lot of people before me and FH got engaged which is why I was so shocked when he told me he wants to be involved in everything and all aspects of planning. But it's also can get to be a bit much when they are too involved, I cant do anything without him approving first, that gets a little annoying when he works soo much. But it's great that you compromised and decided to have him plan the honeymoon..

@Soon2Be Mrs. Wise

I am very happy I came up with the idea too, it just dawned on me one day, I'm gonna ask him to plan the honeymoon since he is not too fond about helping me plan all the wedding. Of course he is helping with some of the wedding, but mostly just the honeymoon. Which we already know mostly what the plan is for that.

& I am kind of relieved he is not all disagreeing with me with planning, I'd rather him be like this than putting in negative feedback for my ideas. B/c like I said before he is a very opinionated person.(:

Yea luckily the only thing.me and fh disagreed on was the tux colors i wanted beige or khaki and he wanted gray

Well that's good!!

Mine told me flat out from day one that he didn't want a wedding at all. Going to the JoP during our lunch breaks and back to work was fine with him. This was not ok with me. I wanted a wedding. I promised him it would not be over the top, that it would be simple and fun. So far, I think he has liked the ideas I have and I think I have accomodated him enough as far as not making him do anything that will make him overly uncomfortable. And when he has an idea, I try to incorporate it if I can because he rarely offers them. But I know that this just isn't this thing and he was upfront about that with me. I can't expect more out of him than he i giving.

Yes that would not be okay with me either, but that's good he's coming around!!

I think that the ones who don't help plan much(my guy), or don't want a wedding at all at first(yours), do not understand how important the big day is to us women..

They don't understand that we have been planning our "dream" wedding since we were seven and playing with barbies.

God made their minds completely different than ours,. (:

So the girls who have guys who help plan the wedding completely are lucky,

But if we are engaged to our FHs then obviously we know who they are as a person and accept it anyways, or we wouldn't be marrying them (Most of the time,.)

@ Lindsey - Hehe that is most men for yah. i think its a good idea that you gave him ownership over the honeymoon - that way he will have to act and contribute. What about giving him ownership over a couple of the things directly connected to the wedding day? Like I told H2B that he will sort out the transport, the church, DJ - that way he will have to get invovled...He has really stepped up and is sorting things out...although i do need to give him a "gentle nudge" now and then :-D

I always say on these posts that the grass is alwyas greener on the other side!! I had a planner on my hands and he really got into all the details...I think the only thing he didn't care about was the flowers but everything else he wanted in on. I obviously didn't let him know the dress details. I think there is definitely a happy medium and I had to tell my guy to let me make a few decisions!! At the end of the day I loved that he was involved in everything and it definitely felt like OUR day but I have to say it would have been easier if I could have just made all the decisions haha! Less disagreements and researching and comprimising and more colours haha but hey like you said I know the guy I chose and I also love all that about him. Plus I guess the grass is greener applies to me too eh! Probably if he wasn't interested we would have had the same amount of arguments just about different things

My FH says its whatever i want yada yada. He gives me the shoulder shrugs too and just says "yes dear" lol i was getting frustrated with him as well because i felt like he should have a say in some stuff even if he thinks otherwise. So he is actually designing our Save the Dates and planning the honeymoon. Also helped pick out our signature drink.

Mine wasn't on board with planning at first. He didn't want to do anything at first but as of now he has set up our officiant and church, food (he and a few of his boys) are cooking, the reception site and picked one of the colors. He is starting to come around and I'm happy that he's involved more.

Mine goes off and on. Most days, he says that this is "my day" and he really wouldn't mind not having a wedding and just using all this money to take a nice trip together or something, but he knows the wedding is very important to me and he just wants me to be happy and knows he will love anything I plan. I tell him what I'm doing and he gives me his input or just says "I love it!" but he's not searching online for the best price for linens or pictures of wedding cakes because he just doesn't care about stuff like that - and he knows I'm doing it!

Basically, I think most guys just want to show up and get married and don't see why we worry so much about whether we should get apple green or sage colored chair sashes and how we should format the addresses on our invites.

I don't think it's true that men are not planners. But I do think they believe they have better stuff to do than think about whether GM's vest should be aqua or teal. Or if table runners match BM's shoes.

I also think you're right about them getting more excited as the wedding approaches. I have a very hard time getting excited about something that is so far away, so I actually understand them. Many brides forget that engagement is a stage in a relationship as well, it's not all about planning the wedding.

My H was involved in big decisions and those that mattered to him: DJ, food, officiant, photographer and that was ideal as far as I'm concerned.

Standard! that's how men are. They aren't really interested in details, they notice them after you tell them lol.

My fiancé says he doesn't care, until I pick out something bizarre just to make sure he's paying attention..lol. For the most part, I show him 2 options and ask which he likes better or none at all. He so far has given me some good input on if he likes or dislikes something. But as far as ideas, he's not creative and just can't think things up. So I don't know if it's that they don't care, but maybe some just aren't as creative. On the other hand, there are some really creative grooms ( a few on here too. )

I swear my FH isn't listening some times, but he Ian just very quick to make decisions. He doesn't need to talk it out or sleep on it. He shocked me yesterday when he said to me "what should we name our specialty drink?" Which I was talking about awhile ago. They do listen sometimes, even if it takes them a few days to process!!