What to do when you can't afford your dream wedding?

Talk to your FH about what your dream wedding entails and find out what his entails. Together come up with a list of priorities. For FH & I it was food and photos so we tried to concentrate on those areas. A horse drawn carriage would have been awesome, but not in the budget so it went out the window. Instead we're having an antique firetruck (cost = donation to the firehouse to be made after the wedding). Think about other things that aren't really necessary. For me that included STDs, programs, and traditional favors (donation instead).

With enough compromise, research, and DIYs you can still have a modified dream weddig

@CandiM: The day a female child is born (or in some cases, the day the 'female' is born) is the day you are entitled to a dream wedding. No matter how expensive, every girl deserves a lavish, over the top 6 hour party. What's a marraige without the stress and financial problems caused by a 24hr period most couldn't afford to begin with??

.... oh you know - come to think of it, I think I understand now why divorce is at 50%.... people put the thought & planning into the WEDDING before the MARRIAGE....

I had every detail of my wedding planned from like the time I was 16... then I got engaged AND I started pricing everything lol. My castle like estate in the Berkshires that I origninally had my heart set on was probably the most gorgeous thing I (or my fiance) had ever seen. Then I ran the numbers... nope way beyond my comfort level.

I think that I ran at least 50 wedding scenarios before we put down a single deposit (I'm a CPA, so pesky) and every time FH and I sat and mulled over it and tried to decide if its what was comfortable for us and if it gave us what we were ultimately looking for on the wedding day.

There are soooo many budget brides on here and I bet your wedding could be pretty cool if you think outside the box. So how 'bout a different post where you tell us what you've done so far, show us the venue, your dress perhaps, colors. I'm always impressed with the ideas the WW ladies come up with to make the budget stretch a little farther.

In fact we put SO much thought into spending the right amount on the wedding that for the first 9 months of our engagment when people asked how far we had gotten on wedding planning I'd just smile and say "Well I've got the groom so I think I'm doing pretty well =)".

Lol Kimi, didn't you hear after the wedding day it is all down hill from there.

You just do what you can afford... i mean hell i'd love a FULL on million dollar wedding, I would totally love to blow someone else money, lol... but MY money...no thanks! lol. i wanna have fun and you know whta you might see that scaling back makes the COUPLE and the MOMENT more special, you dont need to release DOVES and stuff to make ppl know that you love each other, hon.. have fun with what you can do as for HM..OH man i know, i want a BIG one with the kids, but its gonna cost. we're saving like crazy which in this economy and feeding my family of 5.. is HARD, but we live tight...

I feel for you, but this is why I'm so glad I never fell into the trap of "The American Dream" weddings and all of that stuff. If you can afford it then the more the merrier, but if you can't then you have to make do with what you can afford, in the end it's about the marriage, at least it is for me. I could have more than I'm having but I'm frugil, okay I'm cheap when it comes to stuff like this.LOL!!! I just can't see forking out so much money for one day, but to each his own, I'm not judging anyone. You would feel so much better and less stressful if you could just enjoy what you can have, instead of wishing for what you can't have. But sorry you are feeling this way and I pray things come together for you and you have a beautiful wedding either way.

I'm sure I'm in the running for the cheapest wedding being done by anyone on this site. It is all about perspective. I don't look at all the things I can't afford and wish, I look for things I CAN do and get excited about those. Our honeymoon will consist of my mom bringing some of the decorations from the wedding to my home before we get here, and setting them up for us. A bottle of wine, a campfire, hot tub (we have a fire pit and hot tub on our deck) and a babysitter. One of our close friends that is a great cook ask what she could get us for our wedding and we asked her for some unique snacks/foods we wouldn't normally eat at home that we could have to munch on that night. We just want to be together and spend some quality alone time without the kids. Sure, going somewhere would be fun, but I have a whole year to be excited about doing that on our 1st anniversary. We are doing a cake and punch reception, saves money and gives extra time to actually talk to each guest.

I think my dream marriage is more important than my dream wedding.

Thank you everyone for your input. I think welfare is the way to go lol. I wish it were that easy. Damn Florida began doing drug tests for welfare recipients. On a serious note. I think everyone who bashed girls dreaming about their wedding missed the post about me trying to please FH more than anything else. Once I realized it wasn't going to be the big princess wedding I thought I'd some day have I was like well since we want everyone there lets do a bbq, he is now so the girl and wants everything perfect. But because I am doing the planning he doesn't understand the costs involved. While I am thrilled to be marrying my best friend just 2 weeks ago we were on a road trip passed by a little chapel in the mountains that said "GET MARRIED TODAY" I looked at him and said you want to? Ready to just do it and send out the marriage announcements... He said no everyone will be disappointed.

You need to have a heart to heart with your FH, it sounds more like you are trying to create FHs dream wedding on your realistic budget. I would be miserable with that prospect too.

You don't get over it. You throw yourself down on the ground and start kicking and screaming like a two year old. Hold your breath until somebody SOMEWHERE pays for the stuff of your dreams. Withhold sex. Bite people, I've head that biting tends to work in foreign countries. SCREAM. CRY. KICK.

And when you're doing it, please record it. Youtube has been a little dead lately.

Best of luck.

You and FH should sit down with a list of your "dreams" and rank them in level of priority. Those at the bottom get the boot. Also, RESEARCH, a cheaper alternative is ALWAYS out there, I promise.

I would make a list with your FH. Figure out which are the most important things you want at your wedding. If you DIY with your family and friends, you could save a lot of money and still have what you want. Use the budget tools to figure out what you can spend on each aspect. You can get a discounted dress for $100. Just do a lot of research for the best deals! It is tough when you want 120 guests, but you can work around it!

My friends got married 6 months ago and didn't have a lot of money. The bride decided if she got married on her birthday, she could have the catering hall use the Birthday Price instead of a wedding price. She only paid $37/person instead of the $80 it would have been. She just bought the cake separately!

I am going to guess that a lot of the people who bash other girls for being upset about not being able to afford their "dream wedding" actually were able to have a nice expensive wedding.

I think a large part of the problem is the expectations we're given as we grow up. I can't tell you how many movies I've seen where the happy bride plans a lavish wedding with her flamboyant wedding planner, all on her daddy's non-disclosed dime. Then friends and family members get married, same thing. So, I always just kind of imagined that's how it would be. Then, when I actually get engaged and my parents are less than excited about helping and I realized I'd have to foot the bill on my own, it was a wake up call that I wasn't too happy about at first. They were expecting me to invite 200 friends and family members on a $5k budget, and kept telling me I should just go get married at the courthouse.

cont...

Yeah, it's been hard to get over my dreams but because those dreams are looking about $20k, I don't really have a choice unless I want to wait 6 years to get married (which I don't).

So, I just did a LOT of shopping around for the best price, made myself see the good side of what I was "settling" for and now I love it, and I am going to do everything I can to make it a beautiful, fun celebration at the lowest cost, and no one will care how much I spent as long as they have a good time. And if anyone looks down on me for having a cheap wedding, then they're not really my friends anyway.

Being a part of this board though has really helped me get a lot of ideas and be more excited about my budget wedding. You will too, just give it time and start browsing

I dreamed I had super powers and could fly. I struggle every day just to go on knowing that this dream will never come true.

Wow.... looks like there are some bitter people on here who never had a dream come true. Why else would they bash on other people trying to figure out how to fullfill their own dreams?

I never dreamt of my wedding so I guess it was easier for me because I just concentrated on the fact that I was marrying someone I love more than anything and who loves me as much. The rest is just frosting! Just remember its the marriage thats forever the wedding is just one day.

Lol, yep someone who can't really afford a wedding can afford a planner. You realize you are not allowed to advertise here right?