What percentage (%) of a "good marriage" do sexual relations play?

I'll go first. 75%. I couldn't marry a guy who is bad in the sack but I admit I have lazy days and he does too.

I don't think it matters as long as you're both on the same page.

Good question. if I had to put a number I would say 20%. What would keep my relationship good I'd say would be: 20% sex/intimacy, 20% stress factor (work, life, other commitments), 20% financial strain/ stability/ security/ improvement, 20% togetherness/unity (communicating with each other, helping each other around the house, working towards common goals, & supporting each other), 20% FUN (dating, vacations, surprises, the little things, breakfast in bed, showing that you care, flirting, laughing, etc). there are a lot of stats out there that say something like "couples who have more sex are happier/more fulfilled/ have longer marriages" I am more prone to believe ( esp bc this is true in my relationship) that happy couples have more sex, than to say more sex makes a happier couple. If we are arguing/upset then we have basically no sex, usually sex during those periods are physical manifestation of a signal that the arguing/issue is over (for now). In reality it all works together. I know when I was not working for a month (left my old job preparing to start my new job) we did it every day, sometimes twice a day. I had NO STRESS. We had just moved into our new house. I had my vacation pay from my old job, getting ready to start a better higher paying job, FH's business was booming, I was happy. He was happy. But when you both work long hours, have lots of housework, stressful jobs there is usually less sex and thus less fulfillment in the marriage.

I think this is a trick question. Percentages are just impossible for this question. It's definitely a serious part of any relationship, because it's typically also tied to an emotional and intimate connection. That said, if you have no intimacy and emotional connection, sex isn't going to create that, meaning you can end up basing an entire relationship on sex, with nothing else, but sooner or later that is going to give out.

Sex should be a part of a much larger, interconnected group of pieces that form the relationship, from emotional connection and openness, intimacy, love, kindness, the ability to talk to one another about anything, and just a feeling of comfort with that person that surpasses the comfort you feel with anyone else.

I second @ffw's answer. It's all about balance, If I'm too stressed the last thing I am thinking about is sex.

A good marriage is not a good marriage because of good sex. Good sex is the icing on the cake. A good marriage is about more than sex. People can have a good marriage without any sex. If your DH or DW had something happen that made sex impossible, would you then divorce them because of it? Not if you have a good marriage. I am going to go with zero%.

I can't put a number to it, but I think it's highly important because it's about meeting each other's needs. To me, sex in a committed relationship is about connecting in an intimate way, giving each other undivided attention, making each other feel good physically and emotionally. It goes beyond just the physical. So I think it's something definitely worth prioritizing in a relationship. Also, of course the frequency changes when you've been with someone for a long time, but it's about quality over quantity.

@Jennifer- Thanks! And I agree. A physical connection is important. And there are many ways to do that without the actual act of having sex. As fast as time is flying by,, I might be finding out more about that in the not so distant future. I will report back with any helpful tips when that time comes, if it does! lol

Be aware that this will change over time. Age, health problems, stress, kids -- all will change the percentages.

@Lovin Life: That's not true though. Divorces happen every day, as well as affairs, due to a lack of sex. DF and I have actually discussed this very scenario. To be honest, if something happened to me that I was unable to have sex, I would still be trying to please DF sexually, because it isn't just about me. He feels the same way. So no, it isn't zero percent, or else you wouldn't see the divorces or infidelity from couples where one is forced into a sexless relationship, whether due to the other spouse's choice or a real medical issue.

I agree with Nancy T, that will change a lot over the course of a relationship. At 25, if sex isn't good, you probably won't get married. At 60, there are a depressing number of loving couples in which either one has a medical problem that precludes sex, or one has totally lost interest. It's all very well to say that you'd still be trying to please your spouse sexually if that happened, but a lot of spouses would prefer to take care of themselves than to be "pleased" by someone for whom it's a chore rather than a pleasure. So people either go without completely, or find some sort of discreet sexual relationship that does not involve the spouse.

To be honest, it doesn't really matter as much as people make it out to be. I think when your relationship is built on having fun, communication, small details like cuddling all day in bed, spending time together etc, the sex is just the cherry on top but definitely not a make or break; or it shouldn't be. To be honest, if you're both happy, enjoy the little things and sometimes would rather just lay in bed and talk or read or nap, the sex will be the last thing on the plans which is not a bad thing. Sometime the endorphins you get from sex will get released by maybe going on a fun date together or cuddle napping so it's definitely not needed.

Just think, if your husband lost the ability to please you sexually, would you want to leave him? That's why sex should never be that important, there are other things that are way more important like communication and things in common.

Actual sex? Little to none. Intimacy, which can take the form of sex? Huge.

I'm a very physical person I need touch to feel loved. I hold it very high on my what I want list. But I don't think think it would be the same for everyone.

0 sex. We waited and if either of us was injured, disabled, even just didn't have a sex drive we'd both be 100% fine never having sex again and adopting.

I agree with just being on the same page.

We are getting married next month but we've been together for 10 years had have an almost 4 year old son in addition to us each having other kids from previous relationships so we've kinda went through all the stages already.

Would we like to have more sex? Sure. But is there time? Nope! We try to take advantage of things when some of the kids are gone to grandparents but sometimes we just enjoy the extra sleep!

Interestingly enough, my 80 year old mother-in-law said that it is "at least 50%" then corrected herself, saying "no, it is more than 50%". I love her.

She also hand sewed my garter and gifted it to me the morning of the wedding and told me now "I can put it up as high as I want to." Seriously, she is the best!! ;-D

Having sexual relations is crucial. My ex was a porn addict and was very good at keeping it hidden. It caused his sex drive to wane, and eventually, he couldn't even perform. My advances of amorous attention were rejected with regularity. It created a divide between us and we eventually behaved as just roommates that were raising a child together. That was followed by resentment, blaming, insecurities and eventually, after many years of counseling, the truth. I don't buy into people saying they can be happy in marriage without sex. If there is not sex, affection dissolves. When affection dissolves, so does romantic love. That isn't a marriage. It is cohabitation, and that is different than marriage.

If there is a lack of sex, there is most likely some other larger cause for it...

Not necessarily. At age 80, among married people, average frequency of sex is somewhere between once a quarter and once or twice a year.

http://anepigone.blogspot.com/2009/10/sex-frequency-by-age-and-marital-status.html

So half of people are having it even less frequently than that. (And that counts both marital and extramarital sex, so the average person is having it even less frequently than that with the spouse.) Both age and health conditions can diminish both sexual interest and sexual ability.

I'm not saying everyone whose partner no longer wants or is capable of sex cheats. (Although the fact that married men are having sex more frequently than married women suggests that a fair number are.) What I am saying is that you'd better have some basis other than sex for wanting to stay with your partner.

I took a Family law class and the evidence demonstrated that women often divorce because of lack of emotional intimacy; whereas, men often look elsewhere because of a lack of sexual intimacy. So I think it depends!