What do you do when they don't show up?

"I have put on more events than any of you will ever dream of...experience=bitch. ;-)"

...presumptuous, much? This has got to be one of the rudest comments I've read on WW.

OP, I totally understand being upset about good friends not showing up. It's not about being rude or tacky or having experience with weddings (I don't understand what that has to do with the topic at hand), it's about a good friend hurting your feelings. If they truly are good friends and you just want to know what's up, I would CALL (not text) and simply ask.

Holy shit! I instantly got fired up after reading this at 7:45 am. Fuck tacky, the whole word! I would confront them, just like im going to confront 3 of my closest friends since high school for not coming to my bridal shower after rsvping. Its rude! You plan for food, drinks, everything! sorry that this happened to you! But definitely let them know that you missed them. They don't have a reason to be mad at you for saying that, whats the worst that could happen?

Ladies please take a second to scroll to right and check out the vow of conduct ;-)

Yea, I'd be mad..but stuff does come up. If they are that good of friends as you say, forgive them. Sometimes emergencies come up at work, even if people do request off. If they don't show up for work they can get fired..getting fired kinda trumps a wedding..But ya I'd send a text at least to get this off your chest..they made sure you knew why they weren't there; there is no reason why you can't at least reach out to them.

I dealt with the same thing Lucky Me. One of my college roommates rsvp'd yes (I had to chase her down. Apparently her rsvp "got lost" in the mail). She never showed after I've been to every baby shower and birthday for her 2 (almost 3) kids. Extremely rude? Hell yes.

I haven't said anything to her and I don't plan on it. She's done in my book. I'm not rsvping to her babyshower and I will not be showing up. Or maybe I should rsvp no and then show up

People are shitty, sorry this happened. Sucks we lay money out for people to blow us off!

I kinda do the kill them with kindness, but be stark raving mad in the inside. I'd write to them and say, "I saw the your name in the leftover place cards. I hope you're ok? Please let me know as we haven't heard from you!" And if they have lame excuse as to why they didn't show then they're gone. The amount of money I spent on your plate is not worth it to salvage this so called friendship. And if it's family, well, what can you do other than fake a smile every time you see them?.... No Christmas cards from me until the amount of cards equal to the plate I spent.

Lucky Me I'm sorry darling, I understand where you are coming from. If my close friends RSVP yes and then didn't show up I would be hurt, sad, and mad. As Kathy pointed out yes it's YOUR wedding but it's YOUR friends that you would expected to be there to celebrate you and now your husband.

It's rude to say oh we didn't come because we didn't have a sitter to me that isn't a good enough reason to blow of a good friends wedding. I can understand the work thing but I would try my hardest to at least be there for the ceremony if that happened to me.

Thanks ladies for the advice and kind words! Nicole you absolutly right I just want to know where to take this friendship next. I am on my honeymoon so that can be a reason they haven't said anything, though I've been posting on fb all week so I would think that would clue them in that I'm around lol. Eh whatever!

I wouldn't confront them. Yes, it's frustrating and beyond rude of them, but that's their problem.

I had a friend call me at 6 AM 2 days before and tell me her fiance wouldn't make it after RSVPing a month before that he would (apparently that wasn't enough time to take off work. Mind you, we were roommates when DH and I got engaged so she knew from the get go when the wedding would be, and so did her FH) I was hurt and annoyed, but it wouldn't have done any good to say anything.

On the same hand, a close friend came to the wedding but left before dinner was even served after making a big deal about coming and being at the wedding. He even asked a day before if I would save a dance for him. That was super hurtful.

The friend who showed up but left before dinner I did talk to. I just sent him a message saying, "I didn't get to see you at the reception, I was bummed we didn't get to party together." and he responded that they had to get home to their daughter.

I'm with Kathy on this one. Was it rude? Maybe. Things happen though. Sometimes jobs do mandatory call ins...would I rather go to work or get fired? Of course I'd rather go to work. Could their sitter have called 2 hours before and said they were sick and couldn't find a new one on time? Sure. Life happens. Your day is about YOU. Don't sweat the small stuff. The most important part is about you and your husband. If you had fun...then that's what matters. Confronting or talking to them will only make things awkward...just brush it off and enjoy the married life.

I missed a wedding in May because I was literally bed confined with a terrible migraine. I couldn't function even using narcotics. I explained that to the groom (I'm friends with him...not really the bride). And he 100% understood. He's still coming to my wedding...hell he's the photographer. Life happens.

I understand why you're upset, but it's truly better to just let it go. We had a few no-shows, too, but my wedding was still fun. Instead of viewing it as they blew off your wedding, try to view it as "I'm sure that they wanted to be there, but really couldn't make it happen for whatever reason and now they're too embarrassed to tell me why."

They're probably hoping that you didn't even notice that they weren't there and, in case you didn't, they don't want to call attention to the fact.

Will it really make you feel better if you confront them? What do you want the end result to be? That they beg for forgiveness? Decide on how you want them to respond and then ask yourself if they'll respond in a way that will make you feel better. Probably they won't and you'll just feel worse. Ignore this and just be happy in your marriage knowing that you're the bigger person.

Wow some people are rude! I would be totally pissed. Not even about them not coming, but about me shelling out money for them to be there. Our dinners are 100 pp plus the chair rental pp plus the cake pp. thats a lot of money you could have put elsewhere.

I disagree with the ladies. Id say something. Im not afraid of confrontation and i have no problem making you feel awkward if youre in the wrong. "Hey, im really dissappointed you weent there. I would have really appreciated a heads up so i didnt have to pay for you"

My friends wedding was 2 weeks ago. One of our friends was pissed she didnt have a plus 1 so she rsvpd yes, came to the ceremony and then left. She left a card, with nothing in it. Talk about rude.

I agree with Out the Window. Kill them with kindness.

Legitimate things do happen, but when it seems like silly stuff for not showing, I'd be mad too. I was mad when a friend changed her RSVP the day of my shower to no for a boy's pool party. I really don't think I'll be going out of my way for her when she finally gets engaged.

Almost Mrs. G I think your excuse for missing is a real excuse, health compared to we couldn't find a sitter really doesn't fit in the same category IMO.

I suffer from migraines so I know how bad it can be, but I know that there is usually sitters even if your original one falls through most have family members, or the teen down the road etc.

@IrishLove, while I 100% agree that it was rude of them to RSVP yes and not come, it's really not fair to say that not being able to get a baby-sitter isn't a good excuse. Lots of parents only have a few trusted people that they would allow to watch their child. If they waited until the last minute and couldn't get a baby-sitter, yeah, that's poor planning on their part and it was rude of them. But what if the baby-sitter canceled and they couldn't get anyone else? I would feel bad if I had to cancel after RSVPing, but I also wouldn't leave my child with someone who I didn't trust 100% just to avoid it.

If I had to cancel, I'd probably tell a BM or family member of the bride so that she'd be aware, but I wouldn't contact the bride on her wedding day or honeymoon. I'd send a gift with an apology--but if I was "confronted" about it, I wouldn't stay friends with someone who sat in judgement of me and made me defend my choices.

Hi darling! Well...we only had 63 RSVP yes, and ended up with 55. Which is a pretty hefty number. Was I disappointed? Yes. Did I really notice? No. Whoever ended up being there, was meant to be there. I agree with Stacy; send a text or email or call (whichever you prefer) and let them know you missed them. They are unlikely to make the first move AFTER the fact since they know it was probably not handled the best way. The past is the past and in the scope of things, I hope you can move past it. :-)

Kathy, she's asking for advice. She's not asking for you to jump down her throat and TELL HER what to do. You could have re-worded your response and maybe she'd listen to your advice.

I'm sure if you were in her shoes you'd be singing a different song.

Of course people might not make it to an event and in some cases they do RSVP yes, but that doesn't mean it's right not to follow up with a reason or explanation. I think that's the bigger issue here. Did you not say you wanted to tell your daughters MIL to "eff herself" Well, there you go, you had a reason to be upset and while it might have been easy for you to let it go, not everyone handles situations the same way.

I think people are missing the point of this post. I'm a bit horrifyed at how some people reacted here...

Shit happens, sometimes people can't make it to something they promised to make it to. The question is what do you do when those people act like it didnt happen? It isn't what is a good excuse to bail versus a bad one? Its always considered rude to bail on something you made a commitment to go to- no matter the excuse. Let alone a wedding! Not in question. But to bail and not address it to the people you bailed on, no excuse, no apology, nothing? Beyond rude!

Personally, I would send them a quick email/text saying "I was sorry to see you didn't make it to the wedding. I haven't heard from either of you and I wanted to make sure everything was ok!" And leave it. They will get the point, and respond or ignore. Then you can take what they give you and move on from there.

I fully expected to be flagged. Not sure why you were.

@Amy- I don't know why anyone would flag you! Not only are your post truthful but they are also hillarious!

Yes, I would ask why they didn't come but it would of been more like "we missed you at the wedding why didn't you come" they answer and I let it go. Things just flat out happen. Does it suck? Yes! But ya know what there will be plenty more life events people won't show. I had a baby my own parents didn't even come, now that freaking hurts! I have learned over the years that while events are big and important to you they don't always feel that for them. It's insensitive yes, but it's life too. You have to decide how much you want this to affect those relationships. If these people continue to flake on life events you have to come to a place to wonder if you are in the same place. But I would also ask myself was at their life events too? IF so then maybe it's more of a one sided relationship?