Wedding intrusion or double wedding ok?

I personally would not be okay with that; I guess it depends on your financial situation..but imo it would be pretty awkward. What does your FH think?? Also a big wedding doesn't necessarily mean a better or less meaningful one, maybe you can mention that to him. He's kinda springing this with like 2.5ish months out also. Good luck deciding!

I don't know, I guess it depends on your relationship with him. Personally I wouldn't be ok with it, but that's a decision that you and your FH have to make together.

I would probably say no. However, if you are buying stuff that can be reused that would help with his cost. However this is a day for you and your FH. Maybe, if you are super close with him.. help him plan a wonderful wedding for him and his FW.

His fiancee really deserves her own day.. no matter how big or small the actual shindig is. Maybe offer to talk to the family and see if everyone would be willing to help with a family style dinner, and a small ceremony in someone's backyard that is nicely decorated, or at a nice local park.. give her the chance to shine, like we (all brides) have always dreamed of.. just an idea.. Good luck with this decision..

I think he was more just wanting to steal my preacher for a few minutes outside. They aren't inviting anyone and they aren't changing anything I have planned already at all.

I need to find out if thats what she wants, I think this will be her 3rd marriage and is just wanting the vows.

I still don't like the idea, and would your preacher be ok with this? I would think he wouldn't just do another ceremony without charging. If this is the case, why don't they just go to the court house?

You say he isn't financially able to give his fiancee a big wedding but you also say they'd just pull your officiant off to the side. If they did that he still isn't giving his fiancee a big wedding. I think this is something he needs to do on his own day.

I think it would be awfully big of you to be ok with it, but at the same time, EVERYONE needs to be on board. How's it going to go when you head over to the reception and you're both married... Shouldn't that be acknowledged?? Maybe if it's about the preacher, you could pay for the officiating fees as a gift for their special day. If they are choosing to do this on the fly, it seems weird and ackward when other family finds out.

I'm still confused about the pulling aside part... so just the two of them and the preacher, or your side of the family, them and the preacher? I only ask because one of your points was "since our family will all be there."

So, is your brother and his wife looking for hugs and kisses from the family congratulating them and that is it. Or do they want a first dance, a mini cake, some photos, a bouquet???

How do you feel about it? How does your FH feel about it? Do you want a handful of your guest sneaking away to watch the vows? What will the FH family think about it being a sneaky 2nd ceremony behind peoples backs?

I'm still with if they don't want a celebration, they should just go to a courthouse and get it done.

Guests from her side would not likely be invited to your wedding. Since it's her third, she maybe doesn't care.

I officiated a double-wedding (those are the feet in my avatar). The grooms were best friends and the brides were best friends. They were older and it was not a first marriage for any of them. And it was great!

If you agree to it, brother should definitely pre-arrange it with the officiant who would probably want to put together a different ceremony for your brother, and maybe would not be planning on hanging around after yours (especially given the date).

I am against it, i have a great relationship with my brother and for the most part we are in the same boat, with us paying for our wedding our selves being financially more stable, but i still wouldnt do that, plus im pretty sure your officiant is gonna wanna get paid double what ever your paying her. shes gonna want to get paid just as if she was preforming to wedding. cheaper to go to the court house and less stress on you. i personally would b offended if my brother asked me this. he should kno that the day isnt in the least bit about him, its about you and YOUR fh not him n him fiance.

I wouldn't do it either as the minister or the fiance unless the situation was as Nancy described. A big wedding is not necessary to be married.

Each of you should have your own day to be married and celebrate; it's not an 'oh by the way' thing. Just say no.

I would either not do it, or do a complete double wedding. I don't like the sneaky wedding off to the side...I think it would be confusing. I'd probably just tell them to go to the courthouse. I know you want to help your brother but this WILL take away from your day if it is done like that.

My opinion is different. But I was willing to share my day, it didn't bother me at all. my brother's fiance asked me if I would like to do a double wedding with them and I thought it would be fun. I do think it would be weird if the wedding wasn't shared equally tho. Guests might feel awkward and his bride might say she is fine with it but really feel less than or cheated if she is not recognized on the same level as you.

HM... well i mean thats hard. Cause if it was my sis, i would do it! lol... but her and i are RIDICULOUSLY close.... however, i mean if he doesnt plan to tell anyone and he just ask the preacher to come outside or something, and its just the 3 of them, then i guess, whatever.... he can pay the preacher the same cost you did. It is a little wierd, i mean why CANT he just get a preacher one afternoon and take her to dinner?! However i think, taking her to the courthouse would be a better option, then dinner with the family, even if its KNOWN that you will all buy your own dinner.... but who knows. if you decide no, then just tell him you really want this day to be just yours and your FH, and that you think she STILL deserves her own moment, with some glory on her.. even if it is JUST dinner out somewhere

I wouldn't do it. You and your honey deserved your own day. You deserve to be the only bride on your wedding day. I think it will also confuse the guests. I also think he is being INSANELY cheap with this idea ... He can't give his bride a wedding so he is going to use your money to do so. Even with him helping "as much as he can" he is still being really cheap and tacky.

Also, if she/he are just wanting vows why do it on your wedding day? why not just go to a JOP on another day? Seems weird to me...

To me, it wouldn't about sharing my day.

It would be about my bro's fiance. She deserves her day, and her moment- even it's at the courthouse. Getting married at YOUR wedding is a slap in the face that they CAN'T do something like that. It's almost most like rubbing it in- you can't afford a big wedding, so just have a small private thing after ours... Then, come enjoy our recpetion where everything is all about us and what we want and the money we spent... Get it? I know that wouldn't be your intention! But as the other bride, I'd feel very slighted...

I'd offer to pay for them have your minister officiate on a different day. Do a small luncheon ceremony with just close friends and family. Heck, family will even pick up their own checks... But you two can pick up the check for the minister as their gift.

I know I've said this before but my wedding was all done under 1,000... $750 to be exact... It's going to be beautiful and elegant... we've been saving though, $50 a month set aside for the wedding. Something to think about for your bro. It doesn't have to be a million dollar wedding in order for it to be beautiful...

Could they get married the day after you while your family is still in town?