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Master April 2023

Wedding for 10/20/18 Cancelled!

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Victorian Bride, on October 16, 2018 at 8:49 AM

Hi everyone!

I wanted to know if anyone has had to cancel their wedding within two weeks or less? Its all due to family drama. *sigh* FH and I are both extremely stressed.

My FH's brother was to cater and he told us barely 15 days before that he couldn't do it. He had no vaild excuse, AND he's a caterer. Also, lets just say, without detail, FH's sister also had a huge part in sabotaging our wedding! We honestly believe the two worked together. FH and I are just shocked at their cruelty. Their reason, I was told by my FH, is that since he is the caregiver for their ill mother, they wanted to guarantee that I'd not steal him from his duties. They are selfish and never assist with their Mother at all. We had made great provisions to care for her. As if we'd be so thoughtless to not care for an elderly lady! If only they would have just communicated their concerns, or bothered to ask us our plans?

This week is so hard. Counting down the days. Friends say not to think of it, but how do I stop? I've been dreaming of this day for months!! Our wedding was Saturday morning and it was going to be perfect! We had planned to the nth degree, as have we all. I had provided thoughtful touches like beautiful, vintage, white handcherchiefs for our guests for " happy tears." FH was marrying in his Victorian, ancestral church. So many guests were traveling to celebrate with us. We were, and are, so honored to have so many love us that much.

I've been non-stop calling guests and canceling vendors. We had a fairly large wedding. We sent out 175 invitations.

FH and I are thinking of eloping, now, just the two of us. Of course, we'd still have a professional photographer and marry in a beautiful location. We wish to marry and I don't want to plan another large wedding. Plus, we want to avoid ANY drama. If we elope in the Spring of 2019, we'd plan a big reception to celebrate our nuptials afterwards, sometime. Anyone do this? Was it successful? Many hard feelings on not being invited to the wedding/elopement?

Any thoughts, words of wisdom? I appreciate each of you so very much!! Thank you in advance.

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99 Comments

Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 8:57 PM
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Thank you so much, Ashley!! I appreciate your support!! 💕
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Savvy July 2020
La Rhonda · on October 16, 2018 at 9:00 PM
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I’m so sorry that you’re going through this! I would be devastated! But it’s good that you’re considering eloping because it sounds like some of your “supports” are not very supportive. My FH and I were planning to elope for the same reason.... his family drama and my family can be a little unreliable at times. It makes perfect sense for you two to go off and begin your life on a quiet romantic getaway. Consider a party later like you said, and hire vendors that are neutral. I truly hope it works out.
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 9:53 PM
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Thank you Jen on your very kind compliment about my attitude and disposition. I appreciate that!! Some of my girlfriends have called me brave in situations in the past. It's so lovely to be termed "brave." ❤ I agree. My FH is my other-half and we can face anything together. I do hope you're right about the 10X better than I've imagined. I have a very active imagination. Ha! Ha! Thank you so much for your support!!
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on October 16, 2018 at 9:56 PM
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She does not seem to have a choice. As a guest I would be more worried about what she is going thru. Then some lost money. Return the outfit. I know I could not pay for a whole other wedding.
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Master October 2018
DC Wife 10.27.18 · on October 16, 2018 at 9:58 PM
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That’s great. I’m sure we all wish more guests were like you.
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 10:57 PM
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Dear Saba, Thank you so much for sharing the celebrations of others you know. That makes me feel tremendously better!! I hope everyone will understand, but I've not shared everything with all guests, most just know our wedding was cancelled due to a problem. I was very vague. Many are learning it was sabatoged as I communicate with them. Then they definitely understand. And YES!, our elopement will be only on a " need to know" basis!! Lol! I can see either of the two problem siblings trying to stop our elopement. They will not win! God is on our side. Thank you, again!! ❤
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:02 PM
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Thank you, Brittany!! If I have my way, very few people will know when we elope. Our wedding plans were lovely and very special, but it wasn't meant to be. So we'll embrace our elopement and look forward to a large celebration with our friends. I agree, third times a charm. 😊
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on October 16, 2018 at 11:03 PM
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Im still confused why you arent getting on Saturday. Just because of the food? Order pizza. Get deli trays. Just get married!
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:05 PM
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Destiny, yes we do plan on having a wedding video made IF we can find a videogpher willing to do it on the date we choose. Only time will tell. Thank you for that suggestion. 💕
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:06 PM
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Amanda, too right!! ❤ Marrying the love of my life IS the ultimate goal!! Thank you so much!!
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:11 PM
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Thank you, La Rhonda! I think our elopement will be extremely romantic and completely stress free. I hope and pray your family drama dies down before your wedding! Definitely not using family for the elopement reception. We've learned our lesson!!
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Dedicated December 2019
Marah · on October 16, 2018 at 11:22 PM
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Yes just elope and have a bbq
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:28 PM
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Hi Colleen! Yes, we have definitely lost quite a bit of money thanks to my FSIL and FBIL. Ugh! Thank you for mentioning this point of view. I have many thoughtful guests who have been calling and checking on me to make sure I'm ok. I do have one cousin who bought a very expensive headband for me to wear with my gown. It is so beautiful! I adore it. She bought it as my wedding gift the day we went gown shopping. She has asked for it to be returned. Since I wish to wear it, and it is special to me since she is more like my big sister than a mere cousin, I'm just going to reimburse her for the $455.00 she paid for it. It is way overpriced, but she doesn't approve of our elopement and she is very unhappy about all the new dresses she bought for our wedding. I only asked her to buy one, but she bought about 5. We are also going to reimburse her for the one dress. The others were recently bought and I've asked her to return those, if she doesnt want them. Again, thank you for the view point of many of our kind and considerate guests. We are so fortunate.
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:29 PM
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YES, we do!!
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:37 PM
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Hi Cuoghi, No, the least of our worries is the food. If it were just the food we'd figured out a way to make it work. My FH's sister sabatoged our wedding with something very cruel from which we could not salvage our beautiful day. The older brother seems to have planned it with her. We were forced to cancel because of their subterfuge. Now we honestly feel elopement is our only recourse. If they don't know, they cant interfere. Thank you and we will get married!! 💕
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 16, 2018 at 11:39 PM
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Thank you so much Marah!! Elope we will. Happily after all of these issues.
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Super June 2019
Eamsee · on October 16, 2018 at 11:53 PM
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I think that by you offering to cover the expenses that guests are out on is a very noble thing to do, and I am sure they will all appreciate the gesture in your time of grief. I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through. I couldn't imagine being so cold hearted and cruel as to intentionally sabotage someone's wedding, let alone that off an immediate family member. I agree with other posters when they say that these people are clearly toxic. If I were in your position, I would not mention one little whisper about an elopement, or any future plans to these people and those associated with this mess. It would take me more grace than I think I could muster up to forgive this intentional sabotage any time in the foreseeable future. I wouldn't stoop to their level and fight, but I would treat them as if they had the Bubonic Plague, Ebola, and MRSA combined.
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 17, 2018 at 12:55 AM
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Dear Eamsee,

I have forgiven them, BUT I will NEVER FORGET!! I will be civil with them, but that is where it ends. I don't plan on having any chummy moments with either of them, ever. I agree with you, I'd never stoop to their level. That would be virtually impossible. We felt like offering to pay our guests expenses was the least we could do with this mess created by FH's family. We are big on what we consider proper. You don't bankrupt your guests for trying to attend a wedding that isn't happening. I appreciate your comments. Thank you so much!!!
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on October 17, 2018 at 2:27 PM
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I wanted to take the time to thank each of your for your support during this horrible, trying time. Your comments have been very helpful. I am strong, and FH and I will eventually have a BAM to show. I'm looking very much forward to that day! Thank you my dear WW friends.
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on October 17, 2018 at 8:06 PM
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would say if you can just elope!
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