We want a capped bar, in laws want a open bar. Help?.

View Quoted Comment Plus, maybe I'm just going off my family (if so I apologize) because I've been to only family weddings (about 7). My family members who do get drunk end up doing very stupid things, and many if them don't really stop drinking when they should, and I personally thought that was with most people. Either way, I don't see why a capped bar with a good bartender is a bad idea. If people were dumb enough to sneak in their own alcohol and people are so worried about them not being watch with their alcohol intake then they won't drink responsibly with an open bar regardless..

View Quoted Comment No one is arguing that the bartender shouldn't be there... People are saying the bartender is there to prevent exactly OP's reason for not wanting an open bar, therefore there is no reason to cap it.
Without knowing exactly how much each person will drink, there is no way to prove it will even out ahead of time. For all we know, she could have 90% heavy drinkers. Which would suck for people who drink slow and wouldn't even out at all.

View Quoted Comment Honest truth time. I would drink more irresponsibly with a capped bar than an open bar, because I would not know when that cap was going to be reached.
A good bartender will watch guests you're worried about with an open bar and cut them off if need be.

Seems like you had your mind made up already. But here’s how this will go, you can have a capped bar and everyone will try to drink as much as they can in that time frame so they don’t have to pay. You can have a cash bar and everyone will flock to the closest liquor store, they’d rather pay that price than the wedding price, and drink all their own alcohol. You can have a dry wedding and everyone will leave early or again sneak out to the liquor store to drink then come back. Or you could have an open bar, with an experienced bar tender and security, and let all your guest enjoy themselves without having to pay extra.

I believe guests shouldn’t have to pay for drinks, especially if guests have to travel to your wedding and pay for a gift. I’ve never brought cash to a wedding, and I’m sure a lot of other people don’t either. Your in laws are suggesting an open bar for a reason.

View Quoted Comment I guess that does make sense. I just think that in my experience an open bar is a really bad idea. But it does depend on how responsible guests are. I should have been thinking outside the box as most of my family is white trash which is why I'm hosting a dry wedding. If the people who originally posted had a family similar to mine they would have to consider that. But I think that that they should consider behavior depending in their family and friends.

Honestly I do agree that if the in-laws are paying its up to them. Personally I would never expect any of my guests to fly or buy a hotel so I will usually avoid inviting then for their own budget (talking to them about it first of course) some people should travel regardless if they love the bride and groom enough. I'm not saying you shouldn't thank them which would be food and entertainment. Although I did not realize the potential problem with the capped bar.

I'm sorry, I must just live in an area and culture that's different and I was probably raised differently than most, however, I was just trying to help and like the alcohol intakers, the host will do what they want regardless of opinion.

View Quoted Comment I get it, I was raised differently as well. In my area, cash bars are common (only open bar weddings I've been to are big cities in my state). Im having an open bar because I'm investing a lot already and I know I will be upset if people leave early. FH family is also from a different area of the country in a major city so I know they aren't used to cash bars. It also helps that I'm in a LCOL area where alcohol prices per head are very low. I'm sorry your family ruined your open bar experiences.


People getting sloppy drunk is a terrible reason to not have an open bar, imo. People should trust their guests. They're grown adults. If someone can't trust their guests, they should look to hire a bartender they can trust.

I’ve been to one capped bar wedding and I got a lot drunker a lot quicker to be honest because I kept going back in line to get more drinks before the free ones ran out. I think just having open beer and wine is probably your best option here.

Every time I see one of these posts I have to wonder if the OP thinks that people who drink are dirt poor because I don't see how capping a bar or having a cash bar will make people drink less. In fact, they may even drink more because they sneak their own in, or drink in the parking lot. OP - your inlaws are absolutely correct on this issue.

I went to one wedding that was a partial cash bar and felt really off. I made me have negative feelings about attending the wedding and it made me see the couple as cheap.

View Quoted Comment Ditto! The parents are correct. Be good hosts and have an open bar.

If they’re willing to pay for the cash bar, I say let them! However, if not, just tell them it’s not what you want. Remember, it’s YOUR wedding

It's your wedding so you make the final decision. If they want extra alcohol, they can host an after party separate.
Also most guests do not bring cash to weddings.

I may be the only one to agree with you but I am also planning on a capped bar that turns cash bar. Cash bar doesn’t mean just cash, just that they have to pay. If they travel without their debit cards then that’s on them. I say you’re getting invited to my wedding, food provided, games, fun, they could at least pay for their 3rd drink after everybody has gone through our $4000 budget for drinks. It helps the couple save on money and if the guests don’t like it then they don’t have to drink anymore or don’t have to come at all if all they care about is drinking at a party and not celebrating with us.

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This thread is over five years old so the OP is likely long gone. I'd suggest starting your own with a warning that it's not very likely to go in your favor. Your guests are not entitled to unlimited access to alcohol. But at the same time nobody should have to open their wallet at your wedding, ever. That certainly doesn't mean you need to go broke. Host what you can afford. If that's two drinks for everyone, or closing the bar after a certain amount of time, then that's what you need to do.