We want a capped bar, in laws want a open bar. Help?.

View Quoted Comment When I go to a wedding, I expect to drink as much as I wish. Are you going to use a breathalyzer to ensure they stay precisely at "loosened up" and don't tip over into "having fun"? Honestly treat adults like adults.

Your in laws are correct.

“loosened up” is also different for everyone. H is a big guy and hates dancing so until beer 4 or 5 he’s not getting out there with me. Me, though? I’m loosened up after 1, and if I had 5 I’d be drunk. How would you even judge what it takes to loosen up.

View Quoted Comment No, they could drink more if they absolutely wanted to. But if they have respect for the groom or bride they would be considerate. All I'm saying is it's true that you can't control grown adults but simply asking them could help. A wedding is not for the guests. It's a celebration for the new married couple.

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The ceremony is about the couple. The reception is for the guests, to thank them for attending the ceremony.

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Beat me to it. Exactly this.

View Quoted Comment Drinking to my heart's content is not disrespectful to the couple. Honestly, I love getting just a mile north of tipsy at a wedding. I think it's much more to have a "talk" with grown adults ahead of time. Bartenders are professionals. They know what they are doing. Let them do their job.

View Quoted Comment Ah, I didn't think about it that way, my bad

View Quoted Comment 🙌🏽🙌🏽Yesssss

I never bring cash to a wedding unless it is for my gift for the couple. And no one I know really carries cash anymore. Unless the bar accepts credit cards, people will not be able to get a drink once the cap has been hit and you will likely have some annoyed guests.

I agree with previous posts in that people will drink how ever much they want whether it's free or not, so if you're having alcohol at all, be prepared for drunks.

However I always bring cash to wedding in a card and my purse. And if it turns out that I gotta pay for booze then that's what I'll do.

For you since it doesn't seem like money is really a problem, I would suggest hosting beer and wine. That way the booze is still somewhat limited but you don't have to worry about everybody getting crazy off of shots or anything.

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This, This, This. You sound super judgmental. If you're that worried about your guests' behavior, don't invite guests. Elope with your husband and have half a glass of champagne to celebrate.

Your in-laws are 100% correct- your guests should not have to take out their wallets at your wedding, because that's rude to ask of them.

Money dances or honeyfund jars are completely unheard of in my region. I never have cash at a wedding.

And saying that having an open bar will make you miserable at your wedding is ridiculously overdramatic.

You could always relay to your vendor to be careful to not let anyone get to the point of sloppy drunk, which in my experience they are pretty good at.

You should have an open bar. You are hosts and should properly host your guests who are big drinkers, even if it is only a handful.

Have you looked into a modified open bar? That is what we are doing. 4 signature drinks, a signature shot, 4 wines and 3 beers.

It seems you are genuinely uncomfortable with the idea of people imbibing too much. I have been to cash bar weddings, and honestly it wasn't a big deal. In fact, I seem to have been to (or am going to in one case) many of the weddings this place demands never occur: dry weddings, wedding without a DJ, weddings with apron/dollar dance, honeymoom jar, small ceremony one day, large reception another. These weddings happen, and I don't have it in me to fault others or hold it against them for hosting something different from what I am hosting. I go to their weddings because I want to love and support them, not because I need to be properly hosted. I honestly believe the bride and groom know their guests well enough to know how they would react. So just think about how your guests would react, and make your decision from there. Good luck.

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Everything about these IDEAS is wrong.

View Quoted Comment So you’re telling me. A 15-30 min ceremony that costs barely anything and takes limited effort for guests to sit and watch for a few mins means the reception is for the guests. That’s so artificial and making a day that is supposed to be about the couples love into a social status event. Receptions are for the couple and family and friends to celebrate the couples new love and commitment. But I guess I’m just a believer in celebrating love not partying.

View Quoted Comment You are in a very very small minority of what most people find acceptable and proper at weddings. It's great that you are so accepting but this is not how most people feel and anyone that takes your advice has a very high chance of offending most of their guests.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. The guests should just be happy they get free food.