We want a capped bar, in laws want a open bar. Help?.

I agree with your parents. As a guest I never bring cash to a wedding unless it's in a card for the couple. Honeymoon boxes or any other way of asking guests for money at your reception is rude. I'm on the fence about an open bar for that turns into a cash bar. I'm not a huge drinker so I usually stop after dinner, so this wouldn't bother me personally by any time you ask your guests to open their wallet during your wedding means you're doing something wrong.

No guests don’t bring cash for money dances and honeymoon jars. I’m not an ATM for the bride and groom when I attend a wedding. Your in-laws are right, and to be honest, a cash bar won’t stop people from getting drunk. The only two weddings I’ve gotten drunk at were both cash bars.

I rarely bring cash to a wedding- on WW a lot of people will not support a cash bar unfortunately. Or a dry wedding like I’m having. A lot of people will suggest a consumption bar - maybe you can do beer and wine and when it’s gone it’s gone?

I agree with your in laws. People hardly carry cash anymore and the reception is your way of thanking them for coming to the ceremony so it is rude to ask guests to pay for anything, including drinks, a honeymoon fund, or anything at all.

Your in laws are right. If someone wants to get wasted they are going to whether its free or not.

I don't bring much cash anywhere so i'd be screwed and sure as hell wouldnt participate in a money dance or honeymoon fund.

Open bars are the norm at weddings I’ve attended. I never carry cash and the money dance/honeymoon boxes are not something I’ve ever seen at a wedding. This may be different in your area/circle/culture.

I agree with your in laws.

Also, your reasoning is flawed. If you’re not big drinkers and you’re uncomfortable around drunk people, having a cash bar isn’t going to do anything. The drunk people will either open their wallets (while grumbling) or leave. “We don’t like being around drunk people so they have to pay for their drinks after an hour” makes zero sense.

I never bring money to weddings, unless it is inside a card as a gift. I would never contribute to a honeymoon jar or a dollar dance.

If youre uncomfortable being around drunk people, do you guys never go out? Just because you’re not big drinkers doesn’t mean you need to limit others drinking. A lot of people will be spending a lot of money to attend your wedding - having them open their wallets again is rude.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree.

OP The only cash I bring to a wedding is in the card. You better believe I'll be emptying that card if you have your guests subsidizing your reception.

I never bring cash to weddings. I assume that there will be an open bar, and I do not participate in any honeymoon fund, money dance, or other cash-grabbing. If I brought cash, it was in my card. Guess where the cash to pay for my drinks comes from then?

Of course, if I knew in advance the wedding was a cash bar, I'd come prepared. Not with cash, but with some drinks. If I'm paying for my own alcohol, I'm paying the lower price at a store, not the inflated price at your reception.

I I should rephrase, I’m sorry for any confusion. I refuse to do an open bar no matter what I will not have a wedding where, we the bride and groom are completely miserable.

Does anyone have a better idea than the capped that turns into cash bar? Just capped? Drink vouchers? Limited types of alcohol? Etc. Thank you for all your responses I appreciate all the honest feedback.

Yeah no I never bring cash. And if I knew about this ahead of time I would just be responsible and pack a flask.

Do beer and wine and a signature drink since you refuse any other options. But keep the beer and wine open for the entire night, for free. Your current plan is rude and perhaps you shouldn't be inviting a ton of people if you are so concerned with how they will behave.

View Quoted Comment How about a modified open bar?

View Quoted Comment There are no better ideas. Expect people to leave when they get turned away because they’ve met the amount of alcohol you deem an ok amount. Also, expect that if word gets out that’s what you’re doing, people will bring their own and get drunk anyway.

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You could do just beer and wine, but someone that wants to get wasted will do so regardless. It is really rude to have your guests subsidize your party in any way. I would just have a frank discussion with your bartender about your fears but they should be stopping anyone from getting totally bombed anyway. Drink vouchers make it seem like you are treating your guests like children, it's pretty insulting, and a capped bar will only encourage people to try to cram in as many drinks as possible before the cap is up, this will definitely backfire. Trust your guests.

I think that you should do a capped bar that turns into a cash bar, then let the guests know. If anyone is desperate enough to get completely wasted then it can come out of their own pocket. Maybe ask that they only drink enough to get lossened up and if they choose to drink more (which is disrespectful) then that's up to them. You both deserve to have a wedding you are comfortable at but if you do care about the guests complaining or not on how much alcohol they were allowed to drink then I say go with your original plan.

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100% agree with that. Unfortunately, you can't control the behavior of grown adults no matter how hard you try. People can get drunk at a cash bar just as easily as they can with an open bar, they'll just be less happy and likely will take money from the card they brought for you to buy drinks. Or they'll leave early. Most people over the age of 21 know their limit, and know how not to embarass themselves at an event where alcohol is present.

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Lol, more disrespecful than treating grown adults like children who don't know how to behave themselves?

I have never brought cash to a wedding I have attended. Your in-laws are right. You should host a open bar and not make people open their wallets at your wedding. But if you refuse to have a completely open bar, you should at the very least host beer and wine for the entire night. Not only is a cash bar rude but it gets confusing when your first drink is free and then the bartender tells you your second drink will cost you $8.

My FILs traditionally have a dollar dance and based on this it sounds like I have to kill the tradition because it's rude.