We want a capped bar, in laws want a open bar. Help?.

This has been my take from this too.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, why did you post if your mind was made up? The vast majority told you this was a really bad idea but you are harping on the 2 or 3 people that are encouraging you to "do you".

View Quoted Comment They posted because they were asking if a capped bar or a capped bar that turns to cash which is the better alternative. They didn't come here to be repeatedly called rude for their preference.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry do you know me or my life story. No saying what will or won’t make me completely miserable and uncomfortable is over dramatic is pretty assuming on your behalf. I asked for suggestions not judgemental comments.

View Quoted Comment No, all their post said was that their in laws wanted an open bar and they wanted a capped bar that turned into a cash bar. Nowhere in the post do they mention that the only options they’re willing to consider are a capped bar or a capped bar that turns to cash.

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Yes, that is exactly what I'm telling you. My guests came to celebrate me marrying my FH. Which is the ceremony. So my reception is to thank them for taking even 30 minutes out of their busy af lives to come and celebrate me.

Guess I just think that "celebrating love" and partying can sometimes be one in the same.

View Quoted Comment And everyone has suggested to you, whether in a tone you like or one you don’t, that you need to have an open bar. You can serve just beer and wine if you like and have a very well trained bartender to cut people off who are too drunk, but that has overwhelmingly been the suggestion. Your in laws are right. Are they paying for any of this wedding?

View Quoted Comment Correct. The ceremony is all about the couple. The reception is a thank you for attending. The guests didn't have to come. The guests got dressed up, probably bought a gift or cash, maybe had to take time off, and traveled to see you choose to marry.

I guess I'm just a believer in hosting well.

View Quoted Comment How will doing everything you possibly can to ensure your guests have a good time make you miserable?

No one had to know you to say your reaction is overdramatic.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the positive message 😊

I'm confused about how almost everyone is worried about being rude to the guests. Narrowing a guest list could be considered rude but it's acceptable. Open bars are often more expensive. The guests could equally be rude by getting flat out drunk which is what I've seen at weddings I've attended.

View Quoted Comment In the first page they ask that question in a comment.

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You're looking at this completely backwards. Here's how it works: guests come to witness you make vows to each other. You then thank them for coming by giving them food, drinks, and entertainment for the entire night. There is NOTHING "artificial" about that. That's how it's done. Period.

But if you're just a "believer in celebrating love not partying", then you should just elope and skip the party altogether. Especially since you seem so resentful of the idea of properly hosting people.

A capped bar can be a terrible idea because some people can (and will) drink 6 or 7 drinks in the capped time frame & get sloshed. If it’s capped on the number of drinks you’ll run in to the problem that some people will have a bunch to drink before someone people even have one, and then they don’t get to drink at all.

My suggestion would be to limit the kind of alcohol you have, but host it all night, do just beer & wine. You don’t have to even have a signature cocktail.

And while I’m sure I’ll get flack for this, have a dry wedding. I would rather go to a wedding with no alcohol then a wedding where I suddenly had to pay for alcohol. Switching what kind of bar you have mid way through an event is always a shock to your guests, and doesn’t go well for anyone.

As for your FILs, if they’re not paying they can say whatever they want, but you don’t have to listen.

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O.M.G. It's not rude to get drunk at a wedding. Most people get drunk at weddings. Being drunk doesn't have to mean falling down and puking in the middle of the dance floor.

View Quoted Comment Hosting well is important when it comes to other things I agree. But the guests are thanked enough with how expensive food and non-alcoholic drinks are in the first place. Plust they may later get thank you cards. A wedding usually only happens once if someone found the one and I think that only thinking about the guests opinions is very very stressful. Even if they had an open bar, some guests would still find something to complain about. In a year or two the guests would not even remember if there was an open bar or not.

View Quoted Comment Lol, since when is hosting what you can afford (i.e. narrowing the guest list) considered rude? Weddings shouldn't be something where you invite everyone you've ever met.
A good bartender will cut the guest off if they start to have too much. Heck, im a light weight and I can get pretty tipsy at 1-2 drinks depending on whether I have water or not. So a capped bar really won't gurantee that people won't get drunk.

View Quoted Comment I have never been to a wedding without an open bar but I have a friend that went to one 5 or 6 years ago and she STILL talks about it. This is just flat out false. Drinking is part of celebrating and has been for thousands of years. There is no excuse to not provide free alcohol all night unless it is against your religion.

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Hahaha YAAASSSSS

View Quoted Comment But being so drunk that they are falling down or puking is a factor to worry about with an open bar. Plus even some tipsy people can be obnoxious and easily embarrass the groom and bride of even ruin the reception for others.